"He's an amazing person, an amazing man, but some difficulty."
The “Kelly Slater of DUI SUV rollovers,” Tiger Woods, added yet another to his record, late last week, making it all but impossible for any celebrity, athlete or politician to ever catch him. Woods, who happens to be the same age as Slater when the latter won his last Pipe title, saw opportunity to scratch further ahead of the field on Jupiter Island, Florida, around 2 in the afternoon on Friday.
According to the local sheriff department, Woods hit the back of a truck towing a trailer.
“As (the other driver) was trying to move to the side of the road, the Land Rover (driven by Woods) overtook him at the last minute, swerved to avoid a collision, but clipped the back end of the trailer of the pressure cleaner apparatus,” Sheriff John Budensiek declared.
Woods’ Land Rover flipped onto the driver’s side, though he was able to escape, triumphant, through the passenger window.
Police arrived and noticed Woods seemed “sluggish.”
“At the Martin County Jail, and even on scene, we really weren’t suspicious of alcohol being involved in this case, and that proved to be true at the jail,” Budensiek continued. “So, Mr. Woods did a breathalyzer test, blew triple zeros, but when it came time for us to ask for a urinalysis test, he refused.”
And booked for DUI.
The second, official, DUI but fourth very suspicious nasty wreck.
President Donald Trump, taking time away from signing one dollar bills, proudly opined, “I feel so badly. He’s got some difficulty. There was an accident, and that’s all I know. Very close friend of mine. He’s an amazing person, an amazing man, but some difficulty.”
Woods is, of course, dating Trump’s ex-daughter-in-law Vanessa Trump and all eyes turned directly toward her social media to see how she would celebrate the achievement.
It took 24 hours but she delivered admirably, posting a story with her and ex-husband Donald Trump Jr.’s daughter, Kai, flanked by Russian golfer Allan Kournikova and high-performance golf coach Jason Stacy, who flashed a shaka.
Surfers very quick to recognize the nod to Kelly Slater.
What a time to be alive.
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See, this is the kinda thing I like to read on surf websites, as opposed to holy war rants and Tiger Woods gossip.
Is or was..
Surfer? Board?
Being high at 2pm, not a care in the world. Sweet.
Feeling especially sluggish today as I struggle to understand who’s who in the article. And i was hoping for some pretty sabalenka or kournikova pictures, but all we have is the creepiest mugshot ever
I’d go out with him… ( mainly for the drugs)
Sounds like he really set a new bar.
Wasn’t there just a massive swell slamming Sydney?
Hawaii used to be a thing.
If Strayan Cunt could talk he would break it down. Tyler would have been out but her minge was broken..
It hit late Friday night and was bonkers on Saturday.
My surfing must be getting better, because I didn’t fuck up a single take off on Saturday.
Just kinda feels like a “surf” website should cover surf, not Tiger Woods, no?
I didn’t fuck up a single take off on the biggest swell event in months, because I stayed on land.
Tiger known to be so frugal and that shows just how tight that billionaire+ is. Why in the f___k would you not get driven home in a black Suburban having another Bourbon.
Fuck me. This is the numpty that someone on this website said was doing well in Washington? The man wont answer a basic question about tariffs. Laughable.
I’ve just seen some of the footage of the pros warming up at Bells/winki and they look like they’re fuckin rippin. Ready to roll.
Alejo’s style is a disaster, though. He needs to sort that shit out, pronto, if he’s going to hang around for the long haul . He still rips, but almost everybody else looks good doing it.
Will there be waves on opening day?
too small Wednesday
No…it’s gonna run Thursday pacific time.
Brother… Alejo been on and off tour for like 15 years with that shit style. The figuring shit out train has left the station. This will be his last year before he becomes Madigascar’s head coach for the 2028 LA olympics.
‘Amazing person, amazing man’ – ‘Amazing’ people/men don’t continually drive around fucked up on pills. Dude needs help.
Its probly just boredom
Ah, I guess that excuses his shitty behavior. That’s what I can say to the cops – ‘My bad, I was bored.’
Hes a bad guy
Great golfer, shit human.
I blame the SUV,
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All that fucking money and no paid driver while you get loaded all day every day. Wanker.
Xox
Hows he gunna pick up the white trash?
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“Da Dui” a group of hardcore golf enforcers led by Tiger Woods.
GOLFGRIT ” Ultra Hard Turf Shandies “
I drive 50 kph wherever i dont have to drive 40. Its too much of a trap not to.
No surf news today. Standby for weather…
The “Kelly Slater of DUI SUV Rollovers”
Signing dollar bills
Sluggish, oh dear
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Think he was already claimed a few years ago, so no longer half asian?
Tiger Woods Race Draft – Chappelle Show
What’s the difference between a Land Rover and a golf ball?
Tiger can drive a golf ball 300 yards
Not any more. Back too fucked up.
The Great AI Resource UberSuckage is finally justified.
And yeah, before you get Your knickers in a twist, it’s definitely surf-adjacent;Chris Hemsworth surfs.
Hilarious