"He’s up for anything. I cannot wait for him to come to Tahiti.”
Only days after feting Bondi Massacre hero Jimmy McIntosh, the gesture overshadowed by his wife’s Holocaust Chic striped pyjama top, the most tragic of all royals, Prince Harry, has been feted himself by the Tahitian super coach Raimana Van Bastolaer.
Raimana, as I’m inordinately fond of reminding readers, is the protagonist in one of the loveliest rags to riches stories in surfing. A poor Tahitian surfer, Raimana Van Bastolaer, raised by his grandparents and who was a bodyboarder thrashing around at a tame black sand beachbreak north of Teahupoo until 1996, now earns his keep as the ultimate celebrity surf coach at the WSL-owned Surf Ranch.
Raimana will surf behind the beginner at the Slater pool, steadying them with his hands, issuing instructions, support, and as the wave moves onto the shallow part of the bank at Surf Ranch will compress their hips into the correct lowered stance before pin-dropping off the wave allowing the learner to enjoy a vision that used to be reserved for a wildly select few.
The supermodel Cindy Crawford, whose career peaked in 1987 when she appeared alongside the other OG supermods Christy Turlington, Linda Evangalista and Naomi Campbell on British Vogue, has previously described Raimana as “the Big Blue Pill. He can get anyone up! Even me!”
Prince Harry is the forty-one-old red-headed prodigal son of King Charles, who was a gunner on an Apache chopper during his tour of Afghanistan in 2013 and who put fatal slugs into at least 25 fundamentalist Taliban bastards, a futile exercise as it would turn out.
He first started surfing five years ago after a gift of surfing lessons from his wife, the television actress Meghan Markle.
Prince Harry and fam had decamped from the near failed state of Britain to the polished wealthy enclave of Montecito and a short drive from Dane Reynolds’ Chapter 11 surf store.
In earlier sessions at the Ranch, Prince Harry showed remarkable poise, something that eludes many for an entire lifetime, the ability to downward balance while maintaining a terrific momentum.
Now, in an interview with Australia’s state press, Raimana has described his friendship with the Prince.
“I thought I had to say, ‘yes, sir.’ Or, ‘yeah, Prince.’ You know whatever. And, ‘sorry, Prince.’ All these things. Bending all the time. But he was totally opposite of this. Easy-going, humble, really humble. Really humble guy. Really respectful guy. Really good listener. He’s up for anything.
“We became really close. We became friends. And I cannot wait for him to come to Tahiti.”
Raimana says Prince Harry always came to the 50k a day Surf Ranch without his gal, unsurprising given Lemoore’s less than salubrious rep.
“Meghan never came. And I’m looking forward to her to come. Or I’m looking for Meghan to come to Tahiti. Once she rides the wave, she might have to come more often. She’ll be all over it.”
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eye for an eye, all good
hey bro, the rain falls the same on the rich and the poor, no one gets to choose their parents, all of us just crossing our fingers happy we made it into this mad universe, somehow, trying to make the best of it.
I was born in a trailer park, but Hip runs circles around me and most everyone else in the stories department, let the man cook
If you brag about not bigging yourself up aren’t you kind of bigging yourself up?
Tangent:
This is a fantastic new podcast biography of Fela Kuti.
https://www.wnycstudios.org/podcasts/dolly-partons-america/articles/jad-abumrads-new-show–fela-kuti-fear-no-man
going to listen today.. Listened to this last week quite good too..
https://www.bbc.com/audio/brand/m002rkh9
Off topic but how dumb are middle eastern criminals in Oz? Monty?
How dumb are Australians for letting our filthy political class import these animals in the first place?
I eat chocolate royals all the time…will I get cancelled soonish
cloud break moron
I don’t do cocaine or drink in the morning. We are different
don’t need to bite on every feint Hip.
…like an old roo loose in the top paddock.. hey Maureen ! Go get the shotty !
At the same time it’s bizarre someone bringing up any of your “faults/negatives” or any comment you ever made in the past, when someone is just trying to add to the conversation with some tale of old.
Completely bizarre and unnecessary.
Why would anyone be honest or vulnerable, for the sake of humour, when the crowd would just bring up their moments/times of weakness every time they make any comment? It limits our conversations and banter.
Imagine I once kooked out on a drop on the wave of my life, in some magical destination. And I gave the story just so that every one could have a chuckle at my expense. And then every single time I ever talk about making a drop, at any other wave, at any other time, some funny man brings up that one wipeout as if that’s the norm or the defining moment of my life? That makes no sense, and limits my desire to want to tell a similar story simply to entertain the lads.
Life ain’t fair mate- none of choose how we get to be defined.
Have you heard a guy the ancient tale of the sheep-shagger?
“…….but you shag one sheep ……”
Christy Turlington was the most stunning woman I have ever talked to
Derek can describe a pantone and make it salacious.
Would that be after or before he unloads a few ropes of steaming white love piss over ya face ?
Exactly what I was thinking.
ya better not pout, ya better not cry because this fist is going in dry
Old Bloodnuts gunna be in a psych ward within 5yrs. A lot of head noise there & that Megan cunty seems like a real punish. That puss must be one euphoric unicorn.
Welcome back to another edition of BG’s Out of Context! This week….
“Meghan never came. And I’m looking forward to her to come”
Spicy!
seems like Raimana expects a lot of coming out of Meghan
He might wanna put a bit back in.
I’d come over Meghan
It gunna be real embarassing for Filipe if the Royal Bloodnut starts charging Chopes harder than him. Maybe thats the trip, Filipe, Bloodnut & that MMA cunt from the Goldy. Whip em into a few bombs.
Calling Harry a surfer after he got shunted into a confected tube in the pool is like calling me a Royal after Mum took a photo of me standing next to a Beefeater at Buckingham Palace.
Haz does demonstrate an innate understanding of downward balancing, you have to concede.
I do not concur.
All I see is a bloke frozen in a coached squat with a backwards hat to hide a vulnerable devon patch.
If he really wants his missus to get into the swing of the surf lifestyle, he should take her to Fiji where she can get plowed by the boatmen whilst he’s getting towed into kiddie slope rollers on a SUP like Elo.
She reckons she’s got some black in her…she’ll have had a few lineal feet of black in her by the time she waddles bow-legged onto the flight home.
His name was Keith. His GF was Heather.
Keith made money, Heather frolicked in the tiniest bikini.
Tavarua, 2003.
Pumping, had my hands full with riding a 7’2″ in roping conditions. Wasn’t noticing the little things because we surfed Restaurants all Happy Hours. Surf trip on steroids. 6AM boat, noon, evenings in front. 10 guys out max.
By Thursday, Cloudbreak was accessible butter. 8′ relative perfection. Keith and his Manhattan Beach Realtors group could finally jump off the boat ( they watched the first 3 days )
Big talkers Big Man on Campus during Happy Hour and Heather was everyone’s fantasy.
The boat men were banging the shit out of her while Keith watched us surf the first 3 days. I would hear the details at dinner, barely awake, but Keith heard the rumors too and went ballistic.
Anyway, she had a good trip. So did we. Boatman too. Everyone but group leader Keith.
When Harry was in his late teens and had been named ‘Hairy Pothead’ in the British tabloid press (after he was caught smoking weed) I predicted that he’d become a surfer with an interest in psychedelic mushrooms.
Admittedly I thought it’d happen sooner, and that he wouldn’t have gone into the army and instead been a surf bum who lived between Indo and Hawaii.
But hey, that’s just details, call me Nostrabeerdamus from now on.
(best i get some shrooms and make some more highly accurate predictions…)
Remember when the cunt dressed up like Hitler, fucken sic cunt !
Ahhhh, the sport of kings.
Xox
And Queens!
The Shah of Iran used to surf while in Waikiki. The sport of inclusion.
https://www.stormrider.surf/country/iran
Imagine having to pay $50k to make new friends, or even worst, becoming friends with your surfing coach.
Chicks get boned like that all the time, in Asian regions too.
Xox
$50k gets you premium poon I imagine