Go-for-broke Bakersfield surfer Dane Reynolds releases latest riposte to the milquetoast horror of the WSL’s “pandering bullshit that’s ruining surfing!”

The famous daddy-body is heavy yet when he surfs he becomes like a cowboy of the Westerns: ready to fire his guns at the drop of a hat…

Dane Reynolds, the thirty-seven-year-old father of three and former world number four surfer from Bakersfield in California, has released his latest riposte to what he succinctly describes as the WSL’s “pandering bullshit.”

The two-and-a-half-minute short Offshores finds Reynolds, whose quasi-rural Carpinteria idyll was shattered seven months ago when Travis and Kourtney Barker-Kardashian splurged $16.5 million buying Conan O’Brien’s redundant beach house, trading waves with another local surfer Matt McCabe.

The famous daddy-body is heavy, massive like the country that gave him birth, short arms, dainty hands, yet when he surfs he becomes like a cowboy of the Westerns: ready to fire his guns at the drop of a hat, getting into a rage at the least provocation.

Brief, but essential.

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Brother of US Olympian John John Florence shucks “Jan Brady” middle sibling curse with hall of fame “mutant” session at the Mexican Pipeline!

“Needless to say things got a little crazy LOL!”

For a very long time, the two-time world champion John John Florence was the sun around which the famous surfing family orbited, the world barely aware of his remarkable brothers although somewhat cognisant of his mama Alex.

Over the course of the last year, middle brother Nathan, who bares a striking resemblance to Prince Harry (red hair) as well as a passing likeness to Jan Brady (piebald skin), has ridden, and filmed, several “waves of the year” as well as two “best barrels ever”.

In the latest instalment of his not-to-be-missed YouTube series, described as “like a gilded bomb invited to rest among the lilies of the field” and filmed on May 17 at Puerto Escondido aka the Mexican Pipeline, Nathan continues his life as a fiercely living desperado.

For the first time ever seen in surf, his POV footage splits the screen with the land angle, Nathan prowling the lineup like a tiger. Your heart will pound at the closeout sets he must negotiate and the lefthander without a floor.

Nathan, who is twenty eight, may be mad but he is serious about it. And he may be without a soul. But he is not without a heart.

Essential.

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Puerto Rico’s Dylan Graves cements Guinness World Record claim for most turns on a wave with groundbreaking documentary on 37-mile long Sumatran phenomenon!

“You are the greatest surfing ambassador in modern times!”

One month ago, Puerto Rico’s Dylan Graves smashed the Guinness World Record for most turns on a wave when he rode a wave in Sumatra for five minutes, completing completed an astonishing forty turns, even throwing in a couple of quasi-airs for good measure.

An obscure record, yeah, but until this year was held by Cristóbal de Col for 34 turns on a wave at Chicama in Peru, occasionally and lazily referenced as the world’s longest lefthander.

(Graves, who is thirty-seven, submitted the ride to the Guinness people and is currently awaiting confirmation of his astonishing feat.)

“One of the funnest/longest rides I’ve ever had on a short board and it happened to have 7 identical twins,” wrote Graves, who promised a slick edit on the event which was said to be “even better than an excellent milkshake served by a happy fat waitress.”

Well, here it is and he ain’t wrong.

“In this video I break my whole experience down, from what I learn about the Bono to the locals who surf it, and even a little behind the scenes of the iconic Search trip in 2011. Everything about this video is what keeps me out there filming and surfing these amazing wonders of the world we are so lucky to witness.”

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Surf greats rush to praise Prince Harry lookalike after “loony” barrel ride many are calling best wave ever ridden! “I couldn’t even speak when I kicked out!”

And see Mark Healey, John John, Peter Mel etc etc behaving like young boys forced into service by a stronger man.

A who’s who of big-wave surfing, including untouchable legends Shane Dorian and Kai Lenny, have discharged their semen banks on the dorsal fin of Nathan Florence following a barrel ride many are calling the best ever.

Nathan Florence, the Prince Harry lookalike brother of surf Olympian John John, rode a wave he says was the “right of my life. As far as surfing a barrel frontside; the size, the intensity of the session, being in gear I’m not used to, the booties and the gloves and the wetsuit. On a 7’0″ I’ve never ridden but turned out to be one of the best boards ever… this wave that I rode in this session? It’s right up there.”

 

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Dorian described it as “loony”, Kai Lenny said, “Too bad the Big Wave Awards no longer exist, you would’ve won the big cheese” and Australian big-waver Loz Towner wrote, “Incredible! Who’s had the best barrels at all the good big wave spots around the world ? @nathan_florence by a football field.”

Mark Healey, Mike Stewart, Jeremy Flores, John John, Peter Mel, Conner Coffin etc etc all behaved like young boys forced into service by a stronger man.

Interestingly, not six months ago another ride by Florence, this time a left, was praised as “best barrel ever” by the same pundits although his storied older brother Johnny was quick to troll the middle bro of the Florence triumvirate writing with a masterfully droll wit, “Could’ve been deeper.”

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Aussie surf stars reveal boogie board skills in bloody showdown with BIPOC “Queen of Crazy” Mason Ho, “They have violence in their blood like a hereditary disease!”

"Mason controls the little cosmos he has created using all the wonders of his enormous skillset."

This latest edit from the studio of Rory Pringle features BIPOC surfer Mason Ho in a wild wave-for-wave exchange with Australian surf stars Shaun Manners and Noa Deane, who swap their surfboards for boogies, those forty-eight inch long foam boards invented by Tom Morey in 1970.

Noa Deane, you know well, the surf virtuoso who cried for three days following backlash to his WSL joke, Manners, maybe less so, but who is a beautifully unvarnished Western Australian.

Pleasant, nice guys, enchanting even, and both with eye-catching women.

Mason Ho is Hawaii’s whip-slicked queen of taboo and BIPOC role model (seventy-five percent of his ancestry is Chinese-Hawaiian, a quarter white Americano) and who isn’t afraid to go for the “kill shot.”

Terrible injuries follow making this edit better, I’d suggest, than a comfortable suburban house with tropical plants, stereophonic music, drinks, erotic opportunities and discreet people.

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