Who is JOB sidekick extracts maximum revenge on cruel master…

Is there anything as entertaining as watching two good friends engaged in supposedly friendly battle? Perhaps the spider caught in its own web, powerless to stop its one-time prey from extracting its revenge?

In this episode of Jamie O’Brien’s weekly YouTube vlog (other episodes include “I almost died at one-foot Waikiki!“, and “He’s got the bod but his brains are bad news!”) Jamie and his poorly treated sidekick Sean “Poopies” McInerny belt each other in the octagon at UFC fighter Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone’s ranch.

“Teaches motherfuckers how to live,” says Cowboy.

Around seven-ish minutes in if you don’t wanna see river surfing in Arizona.

Warning: if overhanging stomachs and wilding swinging ain’t your pitch, don’t enter the octagon!

Joel still teary-eyed over bad loss to eternal rival…

Don’t you love it when a couple of big-names retire? Gone is the solemn head nodding, the gruff humourless laugh, the long slow blinks and those post-heat platitudes slathered over everything like jam on stale bread.

In this five-minute short made by Joel Parkinson’s sponsor Billabong, Mick Fanning and Joel take us back to 2012 when they met in the final at Teahupoo. After scoring a nine on his first wave Joel comes so hard he almost blows out his retinas. Oh he just saunters around the lineup as if he is Teahupoo and world champ already.

You don’t think Mick can come back.

But as is his wont, Mick does. He builds a little house and then shut the doors loudly on his sometime friend.

Joel’s eyes still burn over the loss.

“The judges got overexcited… he knows I flogged him.”

Mick invites Joel to inspect the trophy at his house to remind him who the winner was.

Joel pledges to steal the bauble.

It’s all very good.

But is it as good as…

Kauai surfer slaps Nias during swell-of-the-century last month.

The consensus from last month’s south swell that flicked every switch in the Indonesian archipelago was that it was Nias or nothing. It turned the joint into something that produced Nathan Florence’s homicidal tube, threw a charter boat onto its back proved the value of expensive cameras and as the auteur Chris Bryan explained, made Nias look like a cross between Waimea and Mavericks.

If you have enough juice in your imagination to put you in the lineup, this video short, which features the Hawaiian Tyler Newton, will put runs in your stockings and turn your face the shade of turnip tops.

Heavy etc.

Son of nineties superstar decapitates and delimbs Waco surf park…

Business must be slowing down in Lemoore, you would think, ever since Waco unveiled its killer tank during the Founders Cup in May. 

The US team chose it as its practice tank for the Olympics; Seth Moniz backflipped into history there; every jibber from Hawaii to Australia and so on has made or is about to make a pilgrimage there. Try and book a session there. It ain’t gonna happen. It’s a sell-out.

In this sub-three minute short, made by Aaron Lieber and featuring the seventeen-year-old son of Shane Beschen, we see Noah lay the joint flat and rip its clothes off.

There’s a sequence in the film where Noah, who grew up on Oahu and who may never have to work a day job, holds a broken board and looks very sad. The mystery is never explained.