Jamie O’Brien stars in “I’m lying about being a virgin because I use XXL tampons!”

Whaddya get when you mix Waimea Bay with an eight thousand dollar winch and a hundred buck roll of plastic? Too many laughs!

Earlier today, Jamie O’Brien, orange as a tropical sky and lover of sleek women you and I will never possessreleased the latest in his weekly YouTube series.

In this episode, Jamie sails his Hobie Cat from Pipeline and down to Waimea. In not-so-short order, he realises the Waimea River’s potential for a slip-and-slide, backflips off the Waimea jump rock, sails back to Pipe, grabs pals and loads eight-thousand dollar Subaru winch into truck, drives to Ace Hardware in Haleiwa, buys a hundred-buck roll of plastic, drives back to Waimea, builds ramp, nails down plastic and hits the damn thing at fifty, sixty clicks.

Watch it and you’ll wonder if the river wasn’t maybe a lil shallow to be somersaulting headfirst into.

“It was definitely shallow,” says Jamie. “I was wondering whether we should do it, should we not, then I was, like, game time. We’re on it. We’re doing it. Next thing y’know, you’re in the air…oh…shit…”

Despite the sceptre of quadriplegia etc, the only injury came when Jamie’s non-surfing, but hard-charging Nitro Circus pal Skummy Diener, whom Jamie had previously tried to drown at Pipeline, lost power at the jump and didn’t make the water.

“He just told me, ‘My shoulder’s still fucked!’. This is the Skummy who once drove a car through a parked RV on fire. He’s definitely one guy who makes me step up my game when it comes to land. He’s as savage as it gets. (But) when it comes to water he’s the biggest pussy in the world. He’s like a well put-together Poops. I suggest anything and he has no hesitation.”

Do watch.

Featurette: Mick Fanning And Mason Ho Star in: “Jesus Must’ve Killed it at the Parties!”

Mick, Mason, dazzling form…

I enjoy, very much, the new, contemplative Mick Fanning. Contest Mick was a tough sell, his personality impounded deep in his head. Glazed eyes. Grotesque smiles.

But, Mick, here, well outside of the thieving queens and boosting and whatever else of the tour, is radiant. As Mason Ho told me recently, “Style truly does come out when you don’t give a fuck.”

I think this is Mick fanning, now.

Of course I adore, beyond any mortal measure, the artistry of little Mason, the almost-thirty-year-old from Sunset Beach, Hawaii.

Therefore, this eight-minute featurette, which was directed by Vaughan Blakey who made a surf film last year that was so good it made me gasp like a fish, lays a good pinch on the nose.

The narrative is simple: Mick and Mason go surfing empty good waves in Australia. And, like a good buddy film, the director snatches the pair in conversation of the cosmic sort.

Whether it is confected or not is immaterial.

The pair ain’t prissy.

Words flow.

Mick leads.

Mason sings.

If Rip Curl had a little stiffness in the past, the pairing of Mick and Mason as well as Vaughan and his old boss from Tracks, Neil Ridgeway, shakes off the old muumuu and reveals an arsenal of golden curves.

Prepare a speedball and watch.

Jamie O’Brien stars in: “God has instructed me to stay in Waco and wait for his sign!”

Orange superstar JOB rides first wave ever at Waco wavepool!

This might be a little confusing so lemme explain.

Jamie O’Brien, red as hell, the kid who was abandoned by his mama and raised by his bear of a dad at Pipeline, and who is thirty five years old, has two ongoing film projects. He’s got the vlog on YouTube (See, “I almost died at one-foot Waikiki” and He’s got he bod but his brains are bad news!)…and…the multi-season, longer form Red Bull-made series Who is JOB.

This episode of Who is JOB finds the gang, including Poopies, who earned his nickname as a thirteen-year-old back in Carlsbad, California, when he was arrested after evacuating his bowels at a busy intersection, at the BSR cable park in Waco, Texas.

Jamie’s Hawaiian pal Cheyne Magnusson, who is also redder than a tropical sunset (he claims to have “auburn” hair, as if there’s a difference), is the wizard behind the American Wave Machines construction there and, in this episode, we see the behind-the-scenes machinations of making the pool work. 

It is very early days in the pool and instead of three-foot wedges being elegantly swiped Jamie and pals ride soft boards in the partially made tank.

As always, there’s a furtive relationship between Jamie and his menfolk and its cheesy production brings considerable chuckles and good feelings.

Craig Anderson (and co) stars in “Appealingly Enormous Kandui!”

An ultra-blue tropical session to stir up the melanin!

Here is a compelling short of Craig Anderson (who famously rode big Kandui on a five-four Hypto three years ago) along with quasi-German Nic Von Rupp and a few others surfing a wave that is as rich and gamy as fois gras.

Kandui is one of those waves that, in theory, gets easier the bigger it gets. A real nice chip shot in, but there ain’t no way of shirking what’s to come down the line. On days like those filmed here, the end barrel will bring to mind a high-rise during an earthquake.

It ain’t always perfect, there are no cushy booths to sit in while the wave folds, but it’s this imperfection, the honey-lacquered end section that turns into messy shreds, that makes the video a success.

Full-length feature: Noa Deane stars in “One foot in the gutter!”

So beautiful and fat and prosperous! With excellent soundtrack!

Most surfer edits are like very bad coffee. They taste like boiled rags and they make you angry for stealing your time and your hope.

This fifteen-minute feature of Noa Deane, who turned twenty-four yesterday a few days after saying goodbye to his beloved father, re-delivers the surfer who disappeared after signing with Volcom eighteen months ago.

Did he still surf?

Was there still the faint trace of muscles in his arms under the white t-shirts?

Could he still move like a dancer on water?

I’m grateful for “One foot in the gutter!” because it shows that, when necessary, the boy with the girlish face, flashing eyes and scarecrow hair, will straighten his shoulders enough to entertain for money.

Invest fifteen minutes of your time and treat yourself to a little masterpiece.