Best tube contender. Don't know who it is, been staring at computers too long, eyes real bad.

Must-watch full-length surf feature Snapt 4, “A raging storm of guttural joy!”

Derek Rielly

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And with one-hundred thousand dollars to be distributed to film's stars as judged by red-hot buttons Taj Burrow, Bobby Martinez and Mick Fanning.

Newport surfer and filmmaker Logan Dulien is a former opioid enthusiast who kicked the dragon in the guts and who now produces quietly mighty full-length surf features.

Snapt4 is a little different to most surf movies. It offers a hundred gees in prizemoney to the best performances in the film, as judged by red-hot buttons, Taj Burrow, Bobby Martinez and Mick Fanning.

The film stars Mason Ho, Jack Robinson, Clay Marzo, Ultimate Surfer Zeke Lau, Seth and Josh Moniz, Baz Mamiya, little Parker Coffin (the unpretty Coffin brother), Benji Brand, Ian Crane, super Jew Eithan Osborne and sexy as all hell Carlos Muñoz, each surfer risking their balls in the fire ’cause Logan is their friend.

The cash is districted thus, fifty gees for first place, twenty for second, third gets ten, best barrel, ten gees and best manoeuvre ten gees.

“They will have all month to score the sections individually,” says Logan. “The surfer with the highest section total between all three judges wins . This will be announced early December in Hawaii. Until then will let the viewers chime in on who they think won.”

Who y’thinking’s gotta get the cash?

Kalani Lattanzi clings to the flying trapeze as he's launched across the yawning void.

Brazilian bodysurfer stuns world by riding giant wave at notorious Hawaiian outer-reef Jaws, “Kalani goes into the ocean where fish are afraid!”

Derek Rielly

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Kalani Lattanzi belongs to the knuckle-duster-in-your-face school of surfing!

A Brazilian bodysurfer, Kalani Lattanzi, has stunned the world by taking on Maui outer-reef Pe’ahi, aka Jaws, with just a pair of swim fins, a hand plane and a tight-fitting pair of trunks that barely contain, let’s be frank, the hatbox that is his loins.

Lattanzi, who is twenty-seven, and who now lives on Maui, gathered all his virile strength to swim out on November 2, a little after lunch, on the first real Jaws day of the season.

Lattanzi rode three waves before entering and, importantly, exiting the void on the wave filmed below.

He describes the experience as “beautiful” and says it was the best barrel of his life.

When BeachGrit called, Lattanzi was deep in construction work, three hours or thereabouts to go before he might engage in conversation, although in other interviews he has described Jaws as being a little easier to ride than the devil that is Portugal’s Nazaré.

Last year, Lattanzi released his biopic Kalani: Gift from Heaven, which follows his adventures there.

“Kalani goes into the ocean where fish are afraid,” says one fan.

More to come.

Jordan, looking like a Martian in his Jozi hotel room.

South African superstar Jordy Smith reveals his (almost) descent into COVID-lockdown madness in a Jozi hotel room, “It was as full of the vibrations of power as machines which rout out grooves in wood!”

Derek Rielly

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But only a disdainful pinprick! Surfs first South African winter in fourteen years…

In the second of a series of five-minute films, the South African superstar Jordy Smith, who turns thirty-four at his next birthday, reveals how he and his wife extracted themselves from America just as that country was starting to reek with COVID; a fundamentally grim place to be for a boy and his girl from Cape Town.

A flight to Johannesburg followed by two weeks in a hotel room that had a way of extracting his vitality, like clotting blood; this little airless box soon filled with a combined odour of clam shells, salt marshes and sicking brews, much like an unwashed corpse.

But enough with the niceties!

A thirteen-hour drive and Jordy is home in Cape Town, bobbing like a cork in as good waves as you’ll anywhere in the world.

“In the South African winter you don’t want to be anywhere else but right there,” he says.

Next episode: Watch Jordan play with danger at Jeffreys Bay!

Dane goes for broke!

Go-for-broke former world #4 surfer Dane Reynolds releases new riposte to WSL’s “pandering bullshit that’s exploiting surfing!”

Derek Rielly

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"Even when the conditions are shit, riding waves is the best thing in the world," says Dane.

Dane Reynolds, the thirty-six-year-old father of three and former world number four surfer from Bakersfield in California,  has released his latest riposte to what he calls the WSL’s “pandering bullshit.”

The eleven-minute short, called Literally and hosted, ad-free, on Vimeo, is lovingly arranged and contains the flavours of all the local surfers that Dane can draw upon, although he quickly outshines the product. 

“Even when the conditions are shit, riding waves is the best thing in the world,” he writes.

Original and delightful, as always, and, as always, a world away from the culty and churchy WSL. 

"Do you know this boy?"

“Psychotic surf dad” kidnaps judge after junior surfing contest dispute!

Derek Rielly

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Surf Dad: The Revenge is a claustrophobic, one-set short that demonstrates a suavely piercing touch of erotic wit and agonised pathos. 

Luke Cederman, the pro-ish surfer, comedian, star of our Once Upon a Time in New Zealand wetsuit film, the screw-footed king of NZ’s most famous lefthand point and proprietor of the Instagram account @raglandsurfreport, has parodied, beautifully, the ghastly notion of the surf dad. 

In the space of three-minutes and thirty-nine seconds, Cederman skewers those daddies who struggle to veil their own uncorked surf dreams.

Surf Dad: The Revenge is a claustrophobic, one-set, two-person short that, quickly, demonstrates a suavely piercing touch of erotic wit (“I’m not going to suck your dick, man!” Cederman, who plays both characters, says) and agonised pathos. 

“Three point five out of ten… you’re just going to sit there tell me that four full bank off the tops… a three-point five?”

Essential. 

Photo: Jack English
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