And on a borrowed old board! Like, yike!

How many surfers can you stand watching, like, really, real talk etc? I’ll take Noa Deane, Dane Reynolds, John John, Nathan if he being crazy, Griffin Colapinto, Yago Dora and Mason Ho.

Surfers who are going to surprise, who always carry a little something in their purses. Surfing that defies the very definition of the word order. Lube and pussy juice shining in the key light.

In this collection of raw footage compiled by super director Nick Pollet, creator of the Greatest Surf Movie of the Universe with its wildly gratuitous violence, scenes of decapitation, and cocks galore, we find Mason Ho, almost forty now but only twenty-eight when this was shot, getting his first taste of Teahupoo.

The waves are six-to-eight feet and Mason plays with Teahupoo’s withered ol titties and eats its honeybun like it’s nothing.

Mason Ho is the son of Michael Ho, “one of the world’s best tuberiders in the mid- and late ’70s (he helped invent the “pigdog” tuberiding technique)”.

If you want to see sixty-seven-year-old Michael Ho at his indestructible best click here. First wave, hands behind the back set at Backdoor cut to Black Magic Women, Santana. Epic.

Put on your rubber gloves and submerge your fist in this jar of goo!

The surf film duo Vaughan Blakey, writer, and Nick Pollet, editor, are the masters of frank, intimate and revealing portraits of international surfing celebrities.

They are funded by Rip Curl and only feature that company’s riders but with each queen fabulous, who’s to argue?

Their body of work includes the Tom Curren-in-Mex-during-Covid masterpiece Free Scrubber, a man in the midst of his sixtieth year but surfing and living as if raging against the dying light; dollys with cocks classic The Greatest Surf Movie in the Universe, which was panned by The New York Times as “spectacularly inane” and humongously bad” despite it being at least equally enjoyable as a spank-rim combo, fun without anal discomfort or the old gag and sputter when it comes to oral.

Earlier, Postcards from Morgs – a film on the one-time world title contender Morgan Cibilic prior to his catastrophic failure to re-qualify for the tour.

Vaughan and Nick also made the recent film Kangs. The closing section featuring Medina, Mason and Mick cut to Floodlights’ Wide Open Land demanding immediate inclusion as a surf classic.

Today, Lazer Breathing Dragons, a title inspired by a drawing by Vaughan’s son Milo when he was eight and starring Stephanie Gilmore, Mason Ho and Tom Curren.

Sixty-year-old Tom Curren brought only a quiver of high-performance surfboards made for Joao Chianca and was “hell-bent”, says Vaughan, to surf just like the frenetic Brazilian.

“Tom goes, ‘I like how he’s here and then here there. I just wanna be able to go from here to here right now.’ No one would believe the most patient surfer in the world wants to surf like the most frenzied. He loved the instant nature of Joao’s A to B. There really is no space in between.”

The Gilmore sequence is cut to the Divinyl’s All the Boys in Town and is a cum dump impossible to ignore as it drips from your pink-brown hole.

Essential.

Wild booing, baby Darwin on site, the crowd a sea of golden Florence hats!

The more said about the three fabulous Florence brothers, John John, Nathan and Ivan, the better, I think.

Raised by a single mom, the equally fabulous Jersey Girl Alex, who left her east coast Christian community in 1986 to chase the North Shore dream on Oahu, the trio, although mostly John John and Nathan, have conquered, pro surfing, free surfing, vlogging and, lately, singlehandedly brought a modicum of cool back to surf wear, although that may just be the handiwork of Florence’s behind-the-scenes wizard, Pat O’Connell.

In this video posted by Dirk and Natasha Ziff’s successor as waterman of the year, Nathan Florence, we go behind the scenes of John John Florence’s third world title, which was one almost one month ago in small waves at Lower Trestles in San Clemente.

Many takeaways moments, as you’d expect, you’ll see little baby Darwin being cradled in his smiling mama’s arms as John John readies to do battle with wild-eyed Italo Ferreira; the crowd booing like hell when Italo gets a seven for a partially completed air and the relief on John John’s face when he completes the necessary gymnastics to take title three.

And, ever aware of the power of promotion, Nathan Florence was quick to point out the value of having Florence hats and tees wrapped around half the crowd.

“He’s had three of these big title wins, and they’re all special in their own way, but it just felt like this year, having a full healthy year with no injuries. On top of it all, we’re running our own company, wearing our own gear. He’s got Florence on the back of his jersey, there’s a big crowd of people on the beach, all wearing Florence, screaming their heads off. Very very special.”

Essential.