A junkie can always be spotted by the way he rests his chin on his fist.
A junkie can always be spotted by the way he rests his chin on his fist.

Fact: Kieren probably did go!

KP as the commissioner of surfing? Much like giving Sid Vicious the keys to the heroin store.

Matt Warshaw wrote a wonderful piece on yesterday’s BeachGrit, sharing his frustrations with a lay-day being called on a perfect, albeit CRAAAAAAZY, Pipeline afternoon. The waves shook the sand and rumors of best Pipe ever? circulated from Ted’s Bakery to New York City.

It is commissioner Kieren Perrow responsibility to say yay or nay to a day of professional surfing. He checks the forecast, gazes out toward the horizon, puts his finger to the wind, goes for a test surf and then says, “Aye mates, we’re on.” Or, “Naaaahhhhhhhhhh mates, we’re off.”

But there is a small problem. As likeable as Kieren Perrow is, multiple sources on tour, from worker bees to professional surfers, have confided frustration about that fact that he is a full-blown surf junkie. He goes out for a test surf and doesn’t come back in. Or he goes out for a test surf, comes in, says, “Naaaahhhhhhhhhh mates, we’re off….” And then goes back out and surfs some more. Or he goes out for a test surf, comes in, says, “Mates. I can’t quite tell. I just need another few hours. Mates.” And then goes back out and surfs until his knees are sore. It is much like giving Sid Vicious the keys to the heroin store. Sure, he knows the product. But he also knows the product.

There was the epic lay day in Fiji, there were multiple late starts in Tahiti and now Pipeline. The ASP likes to call it a win-win. The kids at home can watch the freesurfs! But doesn’t that defeat the entire point of the ASP?

Kieren Perrow ASP Commissioner
…this time three years ago (2011) the ASP's highly credentialed Commissioner Kieren Perrow was owning the podium. Winning the contest? Possible. Making calls at Pipe? Not so easy.

Opinion: Kieren would’ve gone!

Matt Warshaw on calling a Pipe Masters lay-day during the best Banzai all year…

I whinged on Twitter, as any right-thinking WCT surf fan would, about Kieren Perrow calling off the Pipe Masters on Saturday, thus depriving spectators of what would have been a fine afternoon of high-stakes showdown surfing. The following day I asked if anybody had yet seen video from Saturday afternoon’s session. Links were forwarded. Clips were downloaded. PiL’s “Order of Death” sprang from the dusty recesses of my iTunes catalog onto my FCPX timeline, and the clip you see here practically made itself.

And yes, if they hold the Pipe finals in blown-out chest-high Beach Park, on the last day of the waiting period, I will indeed be tuning in. Throwing thunderbolts of pure Twitter fury, but watching nonetheless. The ASP is the gang that keep shooting blanks. And I will always ride along. Damn it.

Exclusive: Pro Bodyboarding part of WSL?

Or to quote Leonardo DiCaprio, "I don't see why I can't have friends of both sexes without wild rumors being circulated."

The Association of Surfing Professionals, soon to be World Surf League, is nearing the end of a dramatic season, or to quote CEO Paul Speaker, “The ultimate goal is that we can deliver a world-class sporting and entertainment product direct-to-consumer in real time.” Or to quote Gavin Belson, “I got seven words for you. ‘I love Goolybib’s integrated- multi-platform-functionality!'”

When we think of professional surfing it is most often the men’s and women’s Championship Tours but did you know the ASP, soon to be WSL, also includes a longboard world tour, a big wave world tour, a junior world tour and a heritage series? It is a great, multidimensional surfing experience, or to quote CEO Paul Speaker, “We synergize granular systems while growing out-of-the-box e-markets and, at the same time, evolve customized ROI through synergistic portals.” Or to quote Erlich Bachman, “I memorized the hexadecimal times tables when I was 14 writing machine code, okay? Ask me what 9 times F is. It’s fleventyfive.”

With such a wide array of surfing experience on tap, there are currently no rumors that a professional bodyboard world tour will be added to the slate of next year’s programming but why not? I would very much like to watch those wild savages throwing their bodies into slabby maws. I would like to watch that more than Adam Melling.

John John Florence portrait
John John Florence doesn't cut himself up in the gym and he's the best surfer in the world. And how about if we told you that if you can get hold of your mind, you'll never feel tired in the surf again? | Photo: Morgan Maassen

Mind Games: Get better at surfing instantly!

Feeling tired after that paddle out? You ain't even close to being cooked says new study… 

Let’s get one thing straight. BeachGrit isn’t of the belief that going to the gym can make you a better surfer. You think John John and Dane lift and squat and shake ropes to make their turns sharper and their oops’ higher?

But what about… fatigue? That’s different to strength. It eats me alive, probably does you too. After a couple of consecutive waves, after a difficult paddle-out, we’re off our game. We squeeze in two turns instead of four, we fall off in the shorey.

And therefore should we train?

According to a new study about fatigue, it turns out we’ve got a ton of gas left in the tank, even after that paddle out, even after catching four waves in a row.

And that whole thing about lactic acid? The juice actually… helps. 

The New Yorker reports, “The study, which was published last month in the journal Frontiers in Human Neuroscience, by Samuele Marcora, who heads the University of Kent’s Endurance Research Group, and two of his colleagues at Bangor, Anthony Blanchfield and James Hardy, is the latest salvo in an ongoing debate about the very nature of fatigue. According to one study fatigue is ‘the inability of the contracting muscles to maintain the desired force.’ But what causes it? Physiologists in the early twentieth century studied exhaustion by cutting off the hind legs of frogs and electrically stimulating the muscles over and over until they couldn’t contract anymore. In 1907, the Nobel Laureate Frederick Hopkins and one of his colleagues showed that the depleted frog muscles were bathed in lactic acid. Their experiment gave rise to an enduring—and incorrect—explanation for muscle failure; scientists now know that lactate, the form in which lactic acid occurs in the body, actually fuels muscular contraction rather than inhibiting it. Nevertheless, the view of fatigue as a mechanical breakdown has persisted. You max out your ability to pump oxygen, the acidity of your blood creeps up, and the neuromuscular signalling between your brain and your muscles gets weaker: one way or another, you hit a limit.

“Marcora believes that this limit is probably never truly reached—that fatigue is simply a balance between effort and motivation, and that the decision to stop is a conscious choice rather than a mechanical failure. This, he says, is why factors that alter a person’s perception or motivation (monetary rewards, for example) can affect performance, even without any change in muscle capacity. In the subliminal experiments, the cyclists’ heart rates and lactate levels rose at the same rate no matter which faces they saw, indicating that nothing had changed from the neck down. Considerations like heat, hydration, and muscle conditioning, Marcora says, ‘are not unreal things, but their effect is mediated by perception of effort.’

“In other words, they don’t force you to slow down, as happens with the failing frog muscles in the petri dish; they cause you to want to slow down — a semantic difference, perhaps, but a significant one when it comes to testing the outer margins of human capability. Marcora calls his theory the ‘psychobiological model.'”

What’s it all mean for you and me? That you’ve got a ton in the tank. Those eight-hour surfs and open-ocean reef paddle-outs (think Teahupoo) you think are beyond you? They ain’t.

Read the rest of the New Yorker story here. (Just click!)

Gimme: this $US4.8 million Pipe House

Got a few extra shekels rattling around in your trunks? Throw em at this! And evict Taj Burrow and Parko!

You want to be the number one Pipe local? It’s so easy! And it’s even easier ever since John John Florence bought himself and his fam a sprawling estate up the road at Log Cabins. Even Jamie O ain’t beachfront any more.

This four-bedroom, three-shitter at 59-385 Ke Nui Road, Banzai Pipeline, fulfils every North Shore dream. It’s the smaller of the two houses the Billabong team inflates every year and is where Taj Burrow and Joel Parkinson rest weary heads.

Recline in beige suede couch while the agent whispers in your ear, “This house effortlessly blends island style with indoor outdoor living, this home, perched on the beach above the World Famous Pipeline, is a treasure. Architecturally crafted accents combined with a contemporary aesthetic make this 4 bedroom residence, on 100’ of sandy beach overlooking the beautiful blue ocean, a one of a kind property. With its iconic wave inspired design, this home is known as the the Blue Wave House€. Quality finishes, outstanding design and the absolute best North Shore ocean front location.”

Ask real nice (or just tell ’em it ain’t a sale unless it’s yours) and hang onto that Bruce Irons’ gun that hangs in the upstairs master bedroom.

Contact the agent here! 

House for sale Pipeline Hawaii
Pipeline house for s ale
Pipeline house for sale
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