Is the Rip Curl Pro too painful for you to watch without booze?
Peniche is painful, and though I’ve temporarily sworn off the sauce while I try to regain a bit of fitness, I’m making an exception for finals day. If I’m staying up late to watch, I may as well as be hammered. Best case scenario, I forget it ever happened.
RULES:
Every time a surfer tries to manufacture a score via claim, everyone drinks for three seconds. Last person to drink finishes their beer. If the surfer is not a Brazilian, they must also take a shot.
If the claim is warranted, everyone shotguns a beer.
Each time a commentator uses the word “jam” or “wrap” rather than the proper name for the maneuver everyone drinks for two seconds. Multiple times per wave are cumulative, “A frontside jam into a layback wrap” equals four seconds.
Drink for three seconds whenever Strider’s haircut appears on screen.
Each time a commentator uses the word “jam” or “wrap” rather than the proper name for the maneuver everyone drinks for two seconds. Multiple times per wave are cumulative, “A frontside jam into a layback wrap” equals four seconds.
Each time Chelsea Cannell asks an inane yes or no question during an interview everyone takes a shot. Ex. “Do you know before going out for your heat whether you’ll do an aerial maneuver or what?”
Anytime a talking head blatantly spews bullshit about the quality of the surf everyone finishes their beer.
When a surfer finishes with a single digit heat score every one takes a shot. If the winning surfer also has a single digit combined score everyone must finish their beer as well.
Each time the “yellow jersey” is mentioned everyone must pound a beer. Last person to finish must shotgun another beer while pretending to ride a bicycle around the room.
Everyone drinks for the duration of dead air broadcast in place of advertisements.
One maneuver scores of 8+ means everyone pounds their beer. Last person to finish must attempt a standing front flip.
When the spectacular Rosy Hodge appears on screen everyone takes a shot to numb the pain of knowing you’ll never, ever, EVER, get a chance to hit that.
If a Brazilian does a frontside reverse, everyone takes a shot.
Penalties:
PUKING
Anyone who vomits must write “ADS is my savior” on their forehead in permanent marker, and take a shot.
PASSING OUT
The Sarge Penalty, ie. Anyone can do whatever they want to you, as long as they take a picture of it.
While I typically don’t enjoy when writers ask their audience to chime in, this time I’d appreciate suggestions. I figure the aforementioned rules will get me hammered, but I worry they won’t get me hammered enough.
Mick Fanning and Joel Parkinson from Doped Youth from BeachGrit on Vimeo.
This game doesn’t have a happy ending! You better have your cell phone handy with 911 already pre-dialed because you’ll be too blind-drunk to do anything other than hit send. Maybe turning off the sound on your PC/mobile device would be the healthier choice… 🙂
frontside wrap, highline wrap, carve in the pocket, beautiful arcing turn, off the bottom top turn combo, snapping turn, jams it, absolutely on point, transition looks seamless, another gouging manoeuver basically sums up these muppets total vocab
be pretty easy to be pissed!!!!
First off Mr. Parker, this is a great idea. I would add this: 1. A surfer comes into contact with a shark during a heat, open a bottle of champagne and cannonball it.
I tried doing it once and there were 2 cues that almost killed all of us. Every time Pottz says “on the planet” you have a drink. Whenever Joe put’s an inflection on a word that doesn’t need it. “and HE kicks out”. Like someone other than the guy riding it was about to kick out of the same wave?
I dunno, all of this might require me to un-mute my computer.
COOL!!!
Drink a beer every fifteen minutes while the event is on hold.
If a lay day is called you have to neck a bottle of Vodka then go surf in a skin tight Strider T-shirt and do a double arm clam until your fist are under the water on every wave no matter what you do on it.
New game: Every time they cut to Strider turn down the audio and over dub it with audio extracts from Silence Of The Lambs.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Strider really kicks in at 2:27
if charlie or ricardinho is shown looking pensive or physically afflicted by their son’s performance, you have to call your own dad and tell him that you actually hated baseball (replace with soccer if brazilian, footy if australian) as a kid and you only did it so he would love you. and take a shot or something.
RIP, Rory.
Re: Sarge Penalty: Is anyone else incapable of letting go of the fact that Ronnie Blakey is surfing’s highest-visibility abuse victim?
Don’t you mean Adam “Vaughan” Blakey? If so, yes
No, I mean Ronnie Blakey having to keep professional company like Strider and JT. Surely this constitutes abuse.
Fair enough. I thought you were referring to the “Sarge incident”
I’ve always thought of drinking during the webcast as less of a game and more of a practical necessity. My masochism runs only so deep
i was going to suggest everyone take a shot whenever Turpel says “really fun to watch” as a lead into a dense as fuck statement (i.e “really fun to watch Filepe’s rail game coming together or “really fun to watch Glen Hall’s progressive repertoire above the lip”) but i don’t think i could handle drinking 7 bottles of Tequila in one sitting.
haha fuck. i take my hat off to anybody who can make it through a heat without dying
who is going to be conscious enough to enforce the penalties?
” Its a game consequence” – Pottz 2015
Ron Blakey. Drink a 1/5 of vodka lukewarm.
If Turpel says ‘Vision’ in relation to an actual tube ride which, apparently, he doesn’t know that’s what they’re called, it’s 2 shots of any hard alcohol, followed by a backflip off the couch drinking a beer in the process.
Anytime Pottz says “Throwing caution into the wind” or “back in my day” finish beer
If I hear Potz say “waves of consequence” or “that’s absolutely right, Joe” I’m going to break my bottle and ram it in my neck.
Points.
haha yes. cant wait for friday night
If you are watching dawn patrol right now. Please stand up and jump through the nearest plate glass window
Honestly. I watch because I have to. Then I feel dirty. Then anger sets in. By an hour in I’m contemplating setting fire to my board and smashing it to bits. Anything to distance myself from Striders fashion sense.
Then I’ll forget all that and merrily do it all again tomorrow.
Thinking you have to Badger ’cause your eyes are pinned open?