Is the Rip Curl Pro too painful for you to watch without booze?
Peniche is painful, and though I’ve temporarily sworn off the sauce while I try to regain a bit of fitness, I’m making an exception for finals day. If I’m staying up late to watch, I may as well as be hammered. Best case scenario, I forget it ever happened.
RULES:
Every time a surfer tries to manufacture a score via claim, everyone drinks for three seconds. Last person to drink finishes their beer. If the surfer is not a Brazilian, they must also take a shot.
If the claim is warranted, everyone shotguns a beer.
Each time a commentator uses the word “jam” or “wrap” rather than the proper name for the maneuver everyone drinks for two seconds. Multiple times per wave are cumulative, “A frontside jam into a layback wrap” equals four seconds.
Drink for three seconds whenever Strider’s haircut appears on screen.
Each time a commentator uses the word “jam” or “wrap” rather than the proper name for the maneuver everyone drinks for two seconds. Multiple times per wave are cumulative, “A frontside jam into a layback wrap” equals four seconds.
Each time Chelsea Cannell asks an inane yes or no question during an interview everyone takes a shot. Ex. “Do you know before going out for your heat whether you’ll do an aerial maneuver or what?”
Anytime a talking head blatantly spews bullshit about the quality of the surf everyone finishes their beer.
When a surfer finishes with a single digit heat score every one takes a shot. If the winning surfer also has a single digit combined score everyone must finish their beer as well.
Each time the “yellow jersey” is mentioned everyone must pound a beer. Last person to finish must shotgun another beer while pretending to ride a bicycle around the room.
Everyone drinks for the duration of dead air broadcast in place of advertisements.
One maneuver scores of 8+ means everyone pounds their beer. Last person to finish must attempt a standing front flip.
When the spectacular Rosy Hodge appears on screen everyone takes a shot to numb the pain of knowing you’ll never, ever, EVER, get a chance to hit that.
If a Brazilian does a frontside reverse, everyone takes a shot.
Penalties:
PUKING
Anyone who vomits must write “ADS is my savior” on their forehead in permanent marker, and take a shot.
PASSING OUT
The Sarge Penalty, ie. Anyone can do whatever they want to you, as long as they take a picture of it.
While I typically don’t enjoy when writers ask their audience to chime in, this time I’d appreciate suggestions. I figure the aforementioned rules will get me hammered, but I worry they won’t get me hammered enough.
Mick Fanning and Joel Parkinson from Doped Youth from BeachGrit on Vimeo.