The action is sheer brilliance but those commercials? Like, gag!
I have watched almost every heat of this year’s Pipeline Masters because it has been so great and also coincided perfectly with my two-year-old’s school/nanny schedule. Indescribable joy has filled my heart!
Except.
When the action ends. It is in these brief windows that my soul is cringes for I know I am going to be served one of four things, each worse than the last!
Billabong, the event’s title sponsor, throws up a commercial that looks like it cost $12.00 and made in 30 minutes. Jingle-jangly hipster guitar, crossed out words, black n’ white…damn it all! Is this the Pipline Masters 2011? Why Billabong? Why so MarineLayer?
But Billabong is the best in class. Next comes a Point Break trailer. Fine enough the first time, aside from tacky voiceover talking about extreme athletes. But I’ve seen lots of different trailers for the film, most better than the one playing between WSL heats. Why can’t they mix it up? Why do we have to watch the same exact one 300 times a day?
But I dream of Point Break when I see Shane Dorian looking gloomily out his window, fondling a picture of his family. Qalo? An action sport medical grade silicon wedding ring available exclusively at Jack’s surf shop? The spot has so much gravitas the viewer might think it is for something meaningful. A silicon wedding band that costs $19? Who in the world thought that would be a good idea?
But I would go buy a Qalo silicon wedding ring and wear it every day if I never had to watch Nathan Florence talk about his Vans slippahs again. “I wear them here and here and here. Not here. And here and here. But never in the house.” His voice was not made to be used. And his ankles, thick and bold, wonderful for bucking chop in massive waves, were not made to be shown.
The action comes back and I thrill again but am left to wonder. This is the WSL’s super bowl and it is living up to its billing. You Can’t Script This™! So many contenders! So fun! But there is no way Qalo is paying for their ad, Billabong and Vans are sponsors and so their spots don’t count which leaves Point Break. After this whole year, after Paul Speaker going to New York and touting geo-tagging and NFL and blah blah blah, Point Break is the only paying customer. A movie with a Christmas release that is trying to appeal to the same exact market as professional surfing. A complete one off. Samsung who?
Is the World Surf League truly a financially viable property outside the 29 million Brazilians who tune in each day (READ ABOUT THEM HERE)? Yeah? It is? Really? Qalo?
But who cares! Still so much fun!
