The action is sheer brilliance but those commercials? Like, gag!
I have watched almost every heat of this year’s Pipeline Masters because it has been so great and also coincided perfectly with my two-year-old’s school/nanny schedule. Indescribable joy has filled my heart!
Except.
When the action ends. It is in these brief windows that my soul is cringes for I know I am going to be served one of four things, each worse than the last!
Billabong, the event’s title sponsor, throws up a commercial that looks like it cost $12.00 and made in 30 minutes. Jingle-jangly hipster guitar, crossed out words, black n’ white…damn it all! Is this the Pipline Masters 2011? Why Billabong? Why so MarineLayer?
But Billabong is the best in class. Next comes a Point Break trailer. Fine enough the first time, aside from tacky voiceover talking about extreme athletes. But I’ve seen lots of different trailers for the film, most better than the one playing between WSL heats. Why can’t they mix it up? Why do we have to watch the same exact one 300 times a day?
But I dream of Point Break when I see Shane Dorian looking gloomily out his window, fondling a picture of his family. Qalo? An action sport medical grade silicon wedding ring available exclusively at Jack’s surf shop? The spot has so much gravitas the viewer might think it is for something meaningful. A silicon wedding band that costs $19? Who in the world thought that would be a good idea?
But I would go buy a Qalo silicon wedding ring and wear it every day if I never had to watch Nathan Florence talk about his Vans slippahs again. “I wear them here and here and here. Not here. And here and here. But never in the house.” His voice was not made to be used. And his ankles, thick and bold, wonderful for bucking chop in massive waves, were not made to be shown.
The action comes back and I thrill again but am left to wonder. This is the WSL’s super bowl and it is living up to its billing. You Can’t Script This™! So many contenders! So fun! But there is no way Qalo is paying for their ad, Billabong and Vans are sponsors and so their spots don’t count which leaves Point Break. After this whole year, after Paul Speaker going to New York and touting geo-tagging and NFL and blah blah blah, Point Break is the only paying customer. A movie with a Christmas release that is trying to appeal to the same exact market as professional surfing. A complete one off. Samsung who?
Is the World Surf League truly a financially viable property outside the 29 million Brazilians who tune in each day (READ ABOUT THEM HERE)? Yeah? It is? Really? Qalo?
But who cares! Still so much fun!
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We will talk about our love in time….. Fuck off Pacifico
When you see an ad that many times, it can perhaps tip a chap over into neurosis. But, you come to a house, you see the sign, you look down at your already bare feet. What do you do? I can feel the indecision, the sweat beading, the shallow breathing, the panic. Suddenly you feel the eyes of Kaiborg staring at you. Is he really there? You don’t dare look around.
Should you just run and maybe later buy some flip flops?
But what about the other people, in my mind I can see their dirty, sinful feet crossing the portal and spreading their filthy corruption. We’ve got to stop them! Stop them now!
Oh man! I have seen that ad too many times. It has doing something to me. But dirt, I see it everywhere now, wherever I look. Dirt.
I’ve got to stop watching this show.
I understand you wally.
That fucking Jeep ad. Just get fucked.
Seriously jeep fuck off and die. I drive one and it makes me want to sell it too cheap or perhaps set it on fire. That fucking jingle from perhaps one of the worlds shittest bands “the potbelliez” is tipping me over the edge.
ge’ ah-farkin-hilux mate
I think the real problem may be that they have terrible ad sales team…it just doesn’t ad up, the audience is there, you just have to sell the ad space. I’d love to see less preroll videos and more interactive features, e.g. fan polls, fan scoring…then sell sponsorships against those interactive features.
“Please remove your shoes. Mahalo!”
This has been worrying me.
The rule must be to stop dirt being tracked thru the house. Fine.
But what if you are not wearing shoes?
I would imagine the North Shore has more people walking outside barefoot than most communities. Wouldn’t the whole system break down then?
I was that guy,they call it being “p-lau”
Ironically I had to close 2 super lame pop-up ads on you site to read this. Pot calling the Kettle Black
It was that or a pay per comment option…
adblocker is your friend.
you have pop up ads? I am viewing the site on a 13 inch macbook and can’t even see the need essentials ad banner on either side (its partially cut off.) Hope you guys aren’t getting paid by the click cause that shit is useless.
In France we get the lame billabong and the horrible vans ads..Usually they will cut to these right when someone is paddling for a wave.. Other then that we get the ” we will return with the contest shortly” lack of ad to fill the void..
I only get a set of 3, the damn Vans slippers one, Billabong, and an even campier Corona ad with more jangly hipster guitar…you get a Point Break ad? I’m kinda jealous actually.
I love the tactic of relentless pressure until we all suddenly give in and buy some Vans flip flops. I wonder how long until surf brands realise that the rest of the world moved on about ten years ago with advertising strategies?
mmmm I was in a surf shop yesterday scouring the shelfs for Van’s Jandels {Flip-flops for the non New Zealanders} I like to think I was looking because they sponsor dudes like Nate, Nath… but there’s a strong chance the brain washing “not here” campaign worked.
I do agree that it works in context of selling what is, in essence a largely dull and massively over marketed product. What I have issue with is the amount it’s rammed down our throat relentlessly in the hope we’ll all rush out, brainwashed and buy a pair because it’s been plastered over the webcast for the last two weeks.
I also base my decision on not buying a pair on the fact that they look ugly as sin but thats another matter entirely I guess.
the WSL must be haemorrhaging cash something chronic. billabong vans and Samsung are obviously paying naught. I have not seen a sponsored ad but those every fucking break – and we still miss “live” waves. hopeless
dirk ziff must have some very fucking deep pockets and a fucking better accountant than me
Well, personally, i have always thought “But never in the house…” is the best ad ever. Really, I look forward to it each time. Maybe because my mother never let us wear shoes in the house. What is really bad in the WSL commentary. The same old same old rhetoric is so repetitive & predictable, I can guess what they are going to say before it happens. Michael Ho used to be one of my favourite surfers but, now, I can’t bear hearing about him & Mason anymore & the nepotistic “Hawaiian royalty”. I will list the rhetoric next broadcast and report back. This morning Rosy Hodge asked KP about the forecast, KP answered, stating when the surf would peak, then Rosy asked KP when the surf would peak and KP repeated his previous answer. For me, it was fun in the old days when Snake & Dooma would ramble on spontaneously & laugh about nothing.
Draws off the bottom
That’s what you’ve gotta do
Gets a vision
And he goes down
And he comes out
And he gets the completion
He’s really chaffed about that
What was your mindset going into that heat
wow
bang!
When I was on tour…
Conditions are really tricky out there
He’s a <insert name=”” of=”” break=””> specialist
“But never in the house…” – worst fucking ad ever, makes Nathan Fletcher’s dumb ass ad seem ok