Come ride with the brave men and women cleaning our playground!
Have you ever wondered why SUPs exist? Like, on a deep, cosmic level? Have you ever thought, “SUPs are super lame and profoundly dumb. Where did they come from and why are they here?” I’ll admit I have. I usually think it when the surf is good-ish and I see one stroking into the lineup all awkward and wobbly. I also think, “Go to hell, motherfucker.”
Well today I am eating those very words. Look at these saints from H2O Trash Patrol. Look at them actually sweeping the sea and making our lives better. All of our lives too from boogies to the mighty me and you. The upcoming film, from the stylish Tate MacDowell, illustrates what you may already know (the water is yuck) but also that some passionate men and women actually care and put time, effort, energy, money into being part of the solution instead of part of the problem. If karma was real (it ain’t!) don’t you think these folks are erasing their debt for riding SUPs? I do and I am going to try and think nice things about the ones I see from now on.
What is the most disgusting thing you have ever found in the lineup? A dead body? A piece of Aids? Do you care about clean water or do you bury your cigarette grits in the sand?
I try not to think too deeply about SUPS, since, if I do, I become dizzy with rage, coming down only by contemplating my own mortality… or the hitch in my highline wrap (just as depressing)… thanks a lot, Chas!
I actually stepped on a needle at the beach about 3 years ago. It was a pain in the arse and I had to get blood tests regularly for 6 months to ensure I hadn’t contracted HIV or Hepatitis C. When I took the needle to the hospital to test it the triage nurse thought I was junkie and put the needle in the disposal bin with tons of others so it couldn’t be tested. Anyway, it’s pretty much impossible to get HIV from a needle on the beach if it has been there for more than a day or so. Hepatitis C is a bit of a worry but your boy Wigg’s already got it sharing needles with my old man so it’s all good.
Fucking dirty junkies, I honestly can’t fathom why they can’t bin the crook things and why they have to sit out in public shooting up. Fucked.
I found out that while obviously the vast majority are drug users, another group of people who commonly litter syringes that you don’t often think about is fat lazy diabetics tanning their whale hides mid-week when no one is around.
That’s terrible too, that’s type two terrible.
Hahaha. I love the quick wit.
In my teens (20 odd years ago sadly) we came across a body in the surf. We were out after school surfing what I thought was a solid day but in reality it was probably 3ft, we spotted something in the swell out the back as it wrapped around the headland (which is a classic if only it was sitting x degrees further south almost a pointbreak set up), we thought it may have been a dead cow (hey it was New Zealand so we are pretty rural) so one of the older guys and a goat boater (remember them? The SUPS of the 80’s/90’s) headed out to investigate to which they were met with a body of a man and proceeded to yell go groms get out it’s a body! So for some reason we madly evacuated the line up as though a big GW had just done a lap of the beach.
So we all gathered on the beach and watched as the body slowly drifted in, which was kind of weird because a fairly strong rip runs out along those rocks, as he got closer to shore the waves picked him up and pushed him into the shore break. By this time the Five-0 had arrived and also the recently deceased’s girlfriend (She had been driving the coast for the 3 days since his drowning some 15kms further south). She went hysterical which is kind of understandable and stood at the waters edge yelling at him to swim. Being teens with limited social skills we stood around awkwardly. One of the boys volunteered to wade out with a cop and retrieve the body which they did and placed him in a body bag and carried him up to the road for the funeral director to collect.
3 days they reckon you sink for and then you rise to the surface which is exactly the timeframe from his drowning to us finding him. I can tell you the sea life had eaten parts of his ears and despite being of polynesian heritage his skin had turned white. It is weird how we can be scared of a body to be honest.
Another time at the same beach I found $20.00 floating out the back.
Wow, classic! ..and a bit gnarls too
Clean water maters!! As a grom had a couple buds who had no shame in paddling outside the lineup a little, dropping trunk and pinching it out.. They didn’t mind if there was a turd next to them in the line up so long as they thought it was theirs!! Dirty fools..
A dead dog in front of a Japanese nuclear power station. Waves were good though.
Chas, you’ve got inside scoop that karma is a sham? Elucidate.
A few years ago I sat down to have a little stretch before heading out (after years of knowingly destroying my body I have to limber up), happened to glance to my left and see a big ole syringe in the sand about a foot away. Total luck that I didn’t take that aids dart in the ass.
What? A piece of ADS? Unfortunately I have to see that poo stance in the water for every damn CT event. Maybe we could have the SUP Barn Patroll all paddle down to Brazil and do some poo stance cleanup work before the comp kicks off. I’d be happy so share some waves if they could pull that off.
I was paddling out at Bondi and got a used condom wrapped around my finger. Was still full of jizz… which was nice
Hey that could have been someones kid you’re talking about there.
in France many years ago , paddle out and there was big packets of Gack floating around , later found out there was a couple of hundred K’s , down side was the Russians who came looking for it ,
Ha! That’s way better than the packet of spunk I found
Rory. Please start local chapter at Hanalei! Maybe next time I can sit in proper location and not have to sit ungodly deep to get a set wave! Last time it was who’s who and family plus three other brown braddah’s having serious go on anything that looked above average. Fukah’s!
once paddling out i caught a full handful of what felt like a dead fetus