"It's not about surf, it's about class war!"

Yesterday, in an amusing side note to the ongoing battle over Lunada Bay, the Palos Verdes Peninsula News published an op-ed by local realtor Frank Ponce.

It’s an amusing attempt to justify, deflect blame, continues their “outsiders are bad guys” rhetoric. Tosses out a bunch of lame red herrings, one of them pointing to some pretty ingrained racism on the part of Mr Ponce.

How about that name, Ponce? Means an effeminate man, or one who lives off a prostitute’s earnings. Too funny.

The ponce, Ponce, is trying to play the frivolous lawsuit card. Now that the city, police, and some of the xenophobic losers who live on the hill, are being sued for a decades long policy of harassing, or allowing the harassment of, outsiders, he claims it means everyone is gonna get sued.

The idea that they are being classified as a “gang” is absolutely ridiculous. Just because a group of surfers congregate to surf when the waves have good shape does NOT classify them as a “gang.” I congregate with a running club and hit the PV trails with aggression. Are we a gang? Cyclists congregate at Malaga Cove by the hundreds on the weekends and take over the streets and blow the stops signs and other traffic violations. Are they a gang? How about a group of teenagers that gather to play basketball in Compton every day? Maybe they won’t let you play on “their” court. Are they a gang? What about a group that gathers at the bowling alley, guzzles beer, and yells profanities while bowling? Perhaps the old guys from the Haggarty’s Surf Club should be called a gang. Let’s get real.

 Way to bring in the terrifying specter of black youth, Ponce, but that’s not gonna work. I know y’all are terrified of them, but the rest of us know it’s bullshit. As for the remainder of your red herring tirade, if a group of cyclists, bowlers, or runners banded together and decided to harass, intimidate, or commit vandalism, to protect the supposed sanctity of their respective road, lane, or trail, yeah, they’d be gangs. Stupid white people gangs that are banking on their privilege helping to keep them out of trouble.

I have used the Bay Boys’ surf shack to barbeque with my kids and I have slept there overnight to listen to the waves. It is NOT a fort. The Bay Boys have loaned my kids and I their kayaks, and even offered some of their old boards to surf with. It would be a true shame if the surf shack were torn down as many hikers use it as a resting place. Tearing it down will not accomplish anything. It may even cause serious erosion to the cliff above if it is torn down. Just cite, arrest or fine the few troublemakers. Most of the surfers that gather there are law abiding citizens who come to surf the point. I am certain there are much bigger problems in this city than surfers being belligerent and not sharing waves. Tax payers’ money might be best used in stopping the rash of burglaries in the area.

 Poncey-boy wants their clubhouse to stay, he likes it. He uses it to barbecue. The government shouldn’t be wasting money destroying illegal buildings on public property! That’s not their job!

Except it is. In the case of the California Coastal Commission it is, literally, their job.

And the ponce totally ignores the reality that the heart of the lawsuit is based on the fact that the cops are not citing people. They’re looking the other way. Have been doing so for decades. Finally being held accountable. Kinda. Regardless of the outcome, the cops won’t pay a dime. But the local taxpayers, the same rich assholes who have been benefiting from and supporting their look-the-other-way policy will. Which is right, and just, and above all, hilarious.

Frank Ponce travels to surf. He’s been to “Malibu, Rincon, Swamis, Trestles, Rat Beach, San Onofre, Hanalei Bay and other locations.” All bastions of localism, right? It’s been nothing but hell for me in Hawaii. Roving bands of brown lunatics shouting at me, denying me access to the beaches overlooked by their billionaire parents’ mansions. My average day in the water looks like something out of Surf Nazis Must Die.

In the end Ponce misses the point. It’s not about surf, it’s about class war! The first shot in a coming battle that’ll see them bruised and bloodied, their clifftop splendor burned to the ground, beaches overrun with the millions who live within a short drive. No more privilege, no more privacy. They’ll be forced to wallow in the muck of the common man, just like the rest of us. No more special treatment, no more deserted beaches. Just mobs on every swell, a total lack of parking for local residents.

This lawsuit will only create an opportunity for more lawsuits from Santa Cruz to San Diego by attorneys digging for gold. There will people complaining that they were verbally heckled, or they felt excluded. The reason this is such a circus is the close proximity to L.A., a city with about 10 million people and lots of media. The great swells only last about four months, so the competition for the lineup is tough. Just round up the few troublemakers and put an end to this circus.

Digging for gold! Classic! But it misses a crucial point. Verbally harassing beach-goers, excluding them from access to a public resource, both are crimes. Crimes which aren’t really committed all to often in any location other than Palos Verdes. Crimes the police have allowed, the city has supported, and from which the local residents have benefited.

My favorite thing about the whole affair? If the suit succeeds, and an injunction barring the middle aged shitheads who call the place home is granted, a few will ignore it, get popped, and go to jail.

Not for long, thanks to hellacious overcrowding in the California penal system, but something tells me a bunch of spoiled tough guy white boys won’t fair well at LA County lockup. Doesn’t matter if they’re in for a day or a year, jail’s gonna scar their softcock hearts deeply.