John John like Rommel's juggernaut, Slater rides the bleak highway out of town…
Shrill winds buffeted the Margaret River rights today, first offshore, later crosshore, flogging the imperfect sets.
You might’ve turned your browser on early for the Slater-Andino-Pupo show this morning, not so much for the pleasure of seeing a master at work on his highly sophisticated surfboards but to see if… this is it… has the most beautiful surfer that’s ever lived suddenly become old and funky and ugly?
And so you wonder, you hope, for a little post-Easter miracle. What if Slater sucks in the south-west’s wonderful autumn air and his muscles quiver back to life?
Yeah, he was outsurfed by Brother, in round one, but you could see Slater rising on his elbows. Round two would be a jab in the arm.
Watch an abbreviated version of that round one heat here.
Y’couldn’t imagine Slater booking two lasts and a second-last from the first three events. But Italy’s Leo Fioravanti waltzed his step-daddy’s charge straight into last place.
Watch that here.
Explaining the loss(es), Kelly said, “I really can’t get in a pussy mood” or thereabouts.
John John Florence? Don’t tell me his eyes don’t bulge out monster style when he gets a little juice under his fins. He looks tranquillised on the Gold Coast, in Rio, Portugal. But WA? Big France? Tahiti? Fiji? John John Florence is a blue flame. For all the “surfing for sevens” here, John John jerks his hips for eights, nines and tens. You like this?
Do a little highlight catchup here.
Drug Aware Margaret River Pro Men’s Remaining Round 1 Results:
Heat 10: Kolohe Andino (USA) 15.70, Kelly Slater (USA) 12.16, Miguel Pupo (BRA) 5.10
Heat 11: Josh Kerr (AUS) 14.93, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 14.50, Jay Davis (AUS) 9.50
Heat 12: John John Florence (HAW) 18.87, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 15.27, Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 13.20
Drug Aware Margaret River Pro Men’s Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Jeremy Flores (13.00) 14.80 def. Jay Davies (AUS) 14.60
Heat 2: Jordy Smith (ZAF) 15.94 def. Jacob Willcox (AUS) 13.73
Heat 3: Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 16.60 def. Kelly Slater (USA) 13.43
Heat 4: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 18.06 def. Jack Robinson (AUS) 14.37
Heat 5: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 18.00 def. Dusty Payne (HAW) 17.93
Heat 6: Adam Melling (AUS) 13.84 def. Conner Coffin (USA) 12.63
Heat 7: Caio Ibelli (BRA) 14.74 def. Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 12.83
Heat 8: Alejo Muniz (BRA)12.23 def. Kai Otton (AUS) 10.57
Heat 9: Matt Banting (AUS) 14.90 def. Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 13.30
Heat 10: Kanoa Igarashi (USA) 14.23 def. Ryan Callinan (AUS) 13.64
Heat 11: Miguel Pupo (BRA) 14.50 def. Davey Cathels (AUS) 13.33
Heat 12: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 15.40 def. Keanu Asing (HAW) 13.00
Drug Aware Margaret River Pro Men’s Round 3 Match-Ups:
Heat 1: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. Matt Banting (AUS)
Heat 2: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Michel Bourez (PYF)
Heat 3: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Miguel Pupo (BRA)
Heat 4: Nat Young (USA) vs. Taj Burrow (AUS)
Heat 5: Josh Kerr (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 6: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA)
Heat 7: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Adam Melling (AUS)
Heat 8: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) vs. Kolohe Andino (USA)
Heat 9: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (USA)
Heat 10: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Sebastian Zietz (HAW)
Heat 11: John John Florence (HAW) vs. Caio Ibelli (BRA)
Heat 12: Italo Ferreira (BRA) vs. Alejo Muniz (BRA)
Jon’s round 1 18.87 was a vulgar display of Hawian know how.
Maybe, in part, he was ” angry” from Ace,s comedy attempt at “how to beat Wilko”… ha ha.
This morning I went surfing. Oregon, rain, wind – no one out… I made up a poem about how awesome it was to be in the ocean. I don’t remember it now. Old man Larry sitting up on the cliff said it looked like I was having fun. Now about this Kelly Slater thing… nice story guys.
That’s a trippy round three? Matt vs Matt? or more to the point, Jordy Smith vs Kanoa Igarashi? That’s gonna be like watching a circus act with the Giant and the Midget
…looking for johnjohn’s secret ingredient? #pakalolo
Of fuck me, this kelly shit again? He is just in a slump. Is he going to win the championship this year? No, of course not. But i bet he will be in the top 10 by pipe. Yea, that Jay/robo final prediction was the 100% opposite of what actually transpired. Whoops.
judges continue doing their best to rob Dusty of a win.
It was tight… But Ace had it in my book.
No props to me for mocking the Robo/Jay final call the other day? Typical.
Don’t forget, no bastard gave you props for calling out Kocher… does the wife not give you props for doing a great job on cutting the lawns also? Is this where all this stems from?
To me KS still looks like he belongs. Three months after winning the Pipe Pro his skills couldn’t have degraded that much. He may skip Rio (the whole contest may be a mess based on the circumstances in Brazil right now) and Europe but he’ll still be at Fiji, Chopes and Pipe.
In the meantime….my fantasy team took a beating with Davies and young Conner.
Keeps up these results and the choice will be out of his hands. Or perhaps he wants to go full punishment and try and requallify on the QS.
The WSL (or whatever they will be called in 30 years) will give Slater Wild Cards to any event he wants. Even if his 20-something girlfriend/beard has to wheel him down in a wheelchair.
The best way to question Kelly’s losses. Are the other competitors level rising above the Kelly enigma? I always felt all other competitors were being judged by Kelly’s style/body language, hand positioning, and mechanics of his surfing. Match that with his competitive mindset, maturity and the younger guys took ass whippings. Kelly is only human if he choses to stay in this arena he is going to learn what it feels like to be on the other end of the stick.
Maybe in the next few days Slater will tell the world he is retiring from the WSL, release footage of him riding the left version of his wave pool, then announce his new Rebel Tour, which will feature him and his wave pools. He will win this Rebel Tour. He will do all of this in an effort to further prove his standing as Supreme Surf Being… or he will do it if only to break up the love fest for Taj. Can’t have someone else get positive attention…
Why not? Kelly has taken a couple World Titles from Taj’s grasp, might as well take his retirement glow away too.
the final at trestles a few years back was bullshit. taj won that one