The usual, xannies, stimulant laxatives etc.
Finally got my trip to Nica trip sorted. Wasn’t easy. Fight fight fight with the wife. Eventually made a deal. I plan this jaunt, next one’s all her.
Then we ended up extending the trip by two days. Flights were cheaper that way, layovers minimal. Plenty of time to do what I want. Which is four days partying in SJDS, followed by five days chilling and surfing at Playa Gigante.
Decided to be magnanimous, let her have the extra days. So we’re going to Granada. Yay. So many interesting doors and windows. Can’t wait to walk around looking at old buildings.
In her mind she came up big. Got what she wants, still gets to plan our next trip. It’ll be so fucking lame. Touring the covered bridges of New England, or some such shit.
But that’s a problem for another day. Today it’s all about planning for a trip I’ll actually enjoy. Which I do months in advance. Missus prefers to wait until the last minute, then make me pack for her. Then complain I forgot stuff. Real nice.
First and foremost, gotta get my old man medical kit together. Can’t fly anywhere without it.
Benzodiazepines: Xanax is a real problem for, like, millions of people. Insanely addictive, withdrawal can actually kill you. Over-prescribed, ruins so many lives.
But for those of us who don’t enjoy it enough to get hooked it’s a travel wonder drug. Pop a few on the way to the airport, settle into your seat. Blink your eyes and, hey look at that! You’ve traveled halfway around the world in a matter of minutes.
They’ve got their drawbacks. Take them too early, toss in a noggin full of hash oil, and you’re a confused mess. Been there, done that. Staring at the self check-in kiosk, utterly befuddled, until some kind soul asks if you need help. Take off your belt at security and forget to hold up your pants. Give everyone a wink at the goods.
And you’ve gotta stay away from the booze. Benzos plus alcohol bring out the unrestrained id. Shit gets ugly.
They also turn me into a farting snoring mess, but that’s a problem for those around me.
Stimulant Laxatives: Flying always leaves me colossally constipated. Stomach full of clay, bloated and sore and farty for days.
There are gentle solutions. Fiber and hydration and light meals the day before departure. But none of those really solve the problem, just reduce it.
Enter stimulant laxatives, an asshole emptying explosive fix. Take a double dose your first night, wake up a few hours later and spend some quality time moaning on the toilet as your stomach clenches and evacuates your insides.
It’s not fun, but it works. Like tearing off a bandaid, gets shit sorted fast rather than suffering slowly.
And you’ll be as light and free as a bird!
Alka-Seltzer: Heartburn, headaches, hangovers, there’s nothing a little Alka-Seltzer won’t fix.
Add some low grade third world over the counter opiates and you’ll go from shivering queasy mess to conquer the world superman in ten minutes.
Nicotine lozenges: I can handle a long stretch without a smoke, so long as I’m in my right mind. But reduce my already lacking inhibitions and things get ugly. Cranky, pissy, hair trigger temper. Mix in the aforementioned benzos and a few ill advised cocktails (the no drinking thing is more of a guideline than hard and fast rule) and there’s no telling what I’ll do.
Addiction’s a hell of a thing. Turns us into monsters during withdrawals. Thank god I’m only hooked on minor stuff. Like nicotine and caffeine. And probably alcohol, if I’m being honest.
I know it sounds crazy but I usually read a book if I have a long flight.
you’re off the fucking rails mate
simultaneously everybody else started breathing again and also left your body to go for a cocktail.
just got back from staying at Gigante – the town is full of surf-school hippies and the walk down the beach around the rocks to Colorado’s fucking sucks. you can do better…
One Reefer Peanutbutter cup, two Norco and a flexoril. No alcohol, no problems.
too many good friends have gone wayyyy down on xanax. wont even look at it. shit i smoke joint before going to the check-in kiosk im staring at it like its a time traveling machine.
i had a bunch of spare tramadol coming back to australia that I thought I might as well use. I nodded off the whole time, didn’t feel particularly good though and my legs swelled up like a diabetic old lady. Oh and i remember just stretching out on the ground for the stopover for like 4 hours. Actually it was pretty alright haha
opiate painkillers mixed with booze is pure euphoria, but you are close to death, maybe why it feels so good?
Did an 18hr flight, New York to Honolulu, no stops,I hate flying so i thought a few bars would do the trick, kept popping them bumpy flight, woke up restrained in Hawaii, rum had something to do with that, my first day at the new shop,I had a serious seizure,xanax bad….valium alright
Valium for a long flight, hands-down
Well if it wasn’t for the seizure it wouldn’t have been that bad bad, but I didn’t have a habit,or tolerance so i went from like a handfull to, none, wanted to show up to work make a good impression. Unfortunately while lifting an SUP off the glass rack,wham blackout wake up,” what year is it?” 2004? ( it was 2012) and i thought i was in Costa Rica,darker skinned people jungle, so basically xanax is a shitty time machine.
No way. Valium has the worst come downs I can picture. At least Xanax isn’t so severe. At least to me it doesn’t feel as bad.
That Tuesday after a weekend flight… ergh.
Each drug cycles through the internal cleansing organs (mainly liver & kidneys) differently. So your experience will depend upon where you’re most addled/toxed up.
Was the pilot on Xanax too? It’s only like 10 hours from NYC to Honolulu.
Pretty sure it’s longer than that but i was barred out by the time Miami left for new York.
ahh so you flew from Miami to Hawaii with a stop in New York. jeez that Xanax shit must be nasty.
I don’t remember half of my 20’s wish i was kidding… First time I’m not joking on here.
Fucking heavy.
According to google it’s 11 hours at its shortest but I flew in to NY from Miami, either way long flight,xanax, seizure.
what a load of absolute codswallop. NY to HI non stop is about 10.5 hrs. It’s not even a fucken flight until it’s 12 hours.
I won’t defend myself against someone who uses “codleswap”.
Just about to do 36 hours to back to blighty I go for travel on a hangover wake up exercise don’t sleep catch flight lots of water big meal before getting on sleep the whole way home no drugs needed!
somebody is gonna reread all these articles one day and wonder why no one did anything to save rory…
Nobody had to save Hunter S. or Bukowski. How does he save himself from your faux concern?
Nicaragua is not a good place to be saved. They give you 50 Valium wrapped in Glad Wrap for about $8. Mix that with a bottle of red and you won’t know whether you went to sleep or murdered an entire village the night before.
Just re-read this two years on. Oh the irony.