Don't you love when geriatrics cross swords?
You’ve surfed The Ranch, no? The Hollister Ranch just a few hours north of Santa Babs, an hour or so south of San Luis Obispo? I have maybe three times thanks to my wonderful brother-in-law Tom. We woke up very early in the morning and launched his little skiff off of the Goleta pier and skittered for many minutes then surfed Little Drakes or Rights or Razors or whatever the hell those waves are called. I got out after a few hours and ate peanut butter sandwiches because I was very hungry.
If you are unfamiliar with The Ranch’s set up, the waves all break in front of private lands. In California the rich are not allowed to own the water though and so if you have a boat, you are allowed to surf. Or if you have a key to the lands. Or if you are very rich.
In any case, it is a well known series of breaks and accessible etc. and I didn’t think the “locals” ever got mad because there aren’t any and there is enough of a barrier to entry for it not to pack out. You have to have a boat. Or a key. Or riches. Maybe if a person pulled up a party boat the “locals” would get mad. Or maybe if lots of pictures appeared in Surfer Magazine.
This last one just happened at the “locals” are apparently furious at the elderly publication, sending in burning hot letters. “Way to expose our breaks, kooks!” and “Kooks!” and “Don’t publish pictures of our waves anymore, fucking kooks!”
Ain’t it wonderful when geriatrics fight battles from twenty years ago? I very much enjoyed Donald J. Trump vs. Ted Cruz and I very much enjoy this.
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The new gate code is 4325.
Isn’t there a campground smack in the middle of the ranch?
no, but you can get into it from north or south
After you walk through Bixby?
The ranch has a structure at St Auggie’s where you can picnic and stuff. But not camp. And it’s member’s only.
after i drop the tinnie in off the Gaviota pier, unless of course the winch has been shot out again, in which case its the sketchy beach-launch
Trying to read this followed by the comments feels a bit like an epileptic seizure.
For accuracy: ranch is less than an hour northwest of SB, about 2 hours south of SLO
Shit, Santa Barbara is an hour and a half from SLO at the MOST, and the Ranch is a bit farther north than SB.
It’s also in Southern California, not Central Cal. SoCal starts at Pt Conception.
I surfed the ranch a bunch as a kid. Never boated in, though. And yeah, my friends with access freak out when pictures get published. Interesting that Chas didn’t link to these pictures or provide a source for the responses.
At a guess… Tom probably wouldn’t take him back if he did.
The day after my birthday in 2000 (late October, great month for the place) I had the privilege of receiving a “pass” to drive to Big Drakes by the then-manager whom I knew. I was immediately hassled and grumbled at by Carl, a troll who worked at the gate, who had to call the manager to verify then he reluctantly let me pass with the appropriate paperwork on my dash. I pulled up to Big Drakes at a foot overhead and one guy out. I paddled out, introduced myself, told him I knew the manager, and then he proceeded to show me the lineup. A set came, he scratched for a wave, said “have fun”, and went in. Next two hours of solo Big Drakes was surreal…and never to be repeated.
Photo is amazing
I surf there quite a bit , and yeah there are a few “locals” who have a chip on their shoulder about having ownership of the waves , and stink eye and trying to catch every set wave to make sure you have a shit time. So I was warned by NC, first time I went there about them , and not to get physical , as ya get arrested . They paddles out 3 of us in the water sharing rights and lefts , they hassled so I asked,” hey are you guys locals?” , to which they replied ,”Yes” , to which I replied , ” great I so wanted to meet the locals ,as I hear that your culture goes back many hundreds of years , and that you used go out the Channel islands in canoes , just wondering where I could come and have a bit of a cultural exchange?” the reply was ,” ah well , we’re not Red Indians and but we have been here since the early 70’s !” , so I apologized , ” as where I come from some surf spots have locals who go back 30-40000 years .” they stayed for a couple of sets and went in. having said that there are some fun surf spots , nothing incredible and there are some really cool people up there!
I love so much, Maurice, that you maybe forgave me for bad mouthing Miki D and are here. Your comments are better than any of my posts.
oh Chas stop it , I’m blushing , and your answer on Miki , was enough , as you can see sometimes , I get a bit antsy , but sometimes “Truth is strager than fiction!” and I do enjoy your writing . Hey and one day you might like to go on boat trip to the Philipines and ah visit some Pirates hehe!!!
I hate to use the word “kook” because it is such a Yanqui middle class word and usually used hypocritically. However you do realise the locals who go back 40,000 years would’ve been fucken kooks right?
ah definition of kook??
Presumably they rode prehistoric goat boats and couldn’t stand up.
googie boards!
I was on holidays in CA years ago and was taken to a hoedown at the ranch. The Molloys and the Coffins were there. Also for some reason, The Dude and Fiona Apple. It was quite fun and a lot strange. Very cliquey.
The waves were small but you could tell the set ups were pretty good.