Kelly Slater Fiji Pro
Couldn't you just watch Kelly Slater at biggish Cloudbreak (and Teahupoo and Pipe for that matter) all day long? And his real talk? Even after all these years, Kelly is still number one in our hearts! | Photo: WSL

Fiji: Slater Looses Tongue! (Watch!)

And the best waves, surfing, of the season!

What a day! Magic in the water. Much better than yesterday.

Round 4 fired from the get-go. Medina, Slater, JJ stood out from the pack.

Medina picked up the first ten of the day with a long long long double barrel. Backed it up with a 4.6 that was, honestly, pretty neat. Mushy take-off, linked turns along what looked like a garbage. Either luck, or spark of genius, saw it stand up big along the inside, providing the brash Brazzo with an ugly steep section to blast off. Full roter ‘oop, flowed into a paint by numbers front rev.

Fair game on the low score, but it was really cool to see. Impressive demonstration of ability. Not that we need to be reminded Medina’s an amazing surfer.

Slater looked like his old self, near perfect heat. Rolled the dice on a vicious late drop and came up snake eyes, unleashed a couple f-bombs right into the camera.

Wonder if that’ll be edited out of the heat analyzer? Wonder if he’ll be handed a fine?

Article 177: Other Miscellaneous Violations and Penalties 

  1. Using profanity on broadcast of Event or media interview at Event- $10,000 monetary penalty to be considered by the Commissioner and the Discipline Director

Not that I give two fucks about two fucks.

But they popped Gabby, and the context wasn’t hugely different. Just naughty boys saying naughty words.

And you’ve gotta be impartial. Especially when the offender is so openly keyed in on the business end.

Just to get out in front of the inevitable take down notice. This is totally fair use. Doesn’t matter how many times it’s removed, I’ll just repost it. Don’t make it a whole thing for me, just leave well enough alone. The internet’s attention span is all of twenty minutes. It’ll be forgotten soon, unless you give people a reason to remember.

Florence did best but lost on the numbers. 9.93 that should’ve been a 10 that wouldn’t have made a difference, 6.5 that was properly scored.

Yellow jersey outpointed him, paired a high seven with a high eight. Not a problem, really. John John got to surf another heat, we got to see him do it.

Early Round Five slowed down. ADS and Payne did the best they could with what was on offer. Great surfing, but not as spectacular as early day. ADS came out on top.

Next heat got better, but Bourez and Dantas couldn’t do much with it.  Bourez grabbed gems but couldn’t seal the deal. Dantas looked on track to continue Forrest Gump’ing his way to the finals, but started heating up midway through.

Out surfed Bourez, but didn’t need to. The Tahitian forgot how interference rules work. Boned himself by bottom turning around Wiggly before conceding priority.

I was thinking yesterday, it’d be kind of cool if they allowed each surfer one 30 second time out in each heat. Stop the clock. The other surfer wouldn’t be allowed catch a wave during that time, if they have priority. If the person who called time out holds priority the clock would resume when they start paddling for a wave. Add a new level to tactics, allow guys to stop time while they wait for a last second buzzer beater.

I can think of a million reasons why it’d be nearly impossible to implement. But if someone figured it out it’d be neat.

Kerr/Buchan featured the agony of two of my fantasy team members facing off in an elimination round. I have no idea how seeding works.

Buchan dominated Kerr. Ol’ Ace has got some mighty fine tube ridin’ skills. Put Kerr in a combo, out of which he barely clawed out. 6.33 with four minutes left Kerr needing a 9.34. Which didn’t appear. Tick tock tick tock. Buchan into the quarters.

Last heat of the day was Jug Handles and J-Flo. Really looking forward to that one. JJ on fire even though he lost last round. Jadson’s barrel game seems inversely proportional to his hairline. Hoped that Double John’d push him hard to push himself. Turn it into a battle.

Slow start until Florence grabs a, by my count, ten-second barrel. Which used to be the stuff of legend. Now it’s an 8.5. Crazy how far tube riding has come.

Bedroom Eyes Blakey on John John Florence, “Broad shouldered, six foot tall, a pretty solid unit.”

JJ backed it up with another eight and a half while Jadson languished in a combo sitation. Came real close to a big score on a runner but couldn’t make it out the end.

Jadson is trying hard, and paying for it. Gets a very long and tight tube, kick-out rev at the end. Six won’t get him out of combo.

Great heat. But John John takes it easily with his insane ability.

Decision to put the event on hold until tomorrow, run quarters through finals in what’s supposed to be bigger and better, is pretty damn ballsy. Slater said it himself, bird in the hand. But the gamble could pay off.

Of course, if the WSL had any sense they’d keep streaming the rest of the day’s free surf. I buy the idea that the wind is switching and it won’t be perfectly contestable and that tomorrow most likely will be. But I know I’m not the only one who’d like to see the tour descend on the lineup and pick apart every good one that rolls through

Fiji Pro Round 4 Results:
Heat 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 14.60, Dusty Payne (HAW) 11.16, Michel Bourez (PYF) 10.23
Heat 2: Kelly Slater (USA) 19.77, Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 13.34, Adriano de Souza (BRA) 11.60
Heat 3: Mick Fanning (AUS) 18.07, Josh Kerr (AUS) 15.07, Jadson Andre (BRA) 13.43
Heat 4: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 16.56, John John Florence (HAW) 16.43, Adrian Buchan (AUS) 15.16

Fiji Pro Round 5 Results:
Heat 1: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 11.34 def. Dusty Payne (HAW) 10.37
Heat 2: Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 14.27 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 3.77
Heat 3: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 15.67 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 10.66
Heat 4: John John Florence (HAW) 17.00 def. Jadson Andre (BRA) 10.17

Fiji Pro Quarterfinal Match-Ups:
QF 1: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Adriano de Souza (BRA)
QF 2: Kelly Slater (USA) vs. Wiggolly Dantas (BRA)
QF 3: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
QF 4: Matt Wilkinson (AUS) vs. John John Florence (HAW)

Mason Ho reads Bruce Lee
Mason Ho, the 27-year-old surfer from Sunset Beach, Hawaii, has spent his entire pro surfing life travelling with his book of Jeet Kune Do by Bruce Lee. If it works for Mason, it'll work for you, right? Here, Mason reveals seven profound lessons that will improve your life and your surfing.

BeachGrit TV: Mason Ho Reads Bruce Lee!

How to improve your surfing with the Kung Fu master Bruce Lee!

For the past seven years, the Hawaiian Mason Ho has travelled the world with the Bruce Lee book Jeet Kune Do. 

The book, which was published in 1975 and bought by Mason at Singapore airport in 2009, contains notes and essays by Lee and, as well as kung fu techniques, is heavy on Zen and enlightenment.

Mason, who is 27 years old, adores Lee’s philosophies and applies the teaching to his own surfing. Examine the ways in which Lee’s words can pertain to surfing.

On practising turns: 

I fear not the man who has practiced 10,000 kicks once, but I fear the man who has practiced one kick 10,000 times. 

On living a good life: 

If you love life, don’t waste time, for time is what life is made up of. 

On individuality:

Man, the living creature, the creating individual, is always more important than any established style or system. 

In this episode of Like Bitchin, Mason gives you, me, seven lessons you can learn from Jeet Kune Do. And it’s totally random! Mason throws the pages open, stabs a finger, and jabs Bruce Lee’s pistol words straight down your throat!

Watch here!

Power: BeachGrit breaks FCS!

Fin manufacturer goes into hiding after fun making!

This morning I wrote a story about a dead snake that washed up on a little surfed California beach one year ago. It was not my finest moment, of course, but let us be very honest. None of these past two years worth of moments have amounted to much more than a hill of beans. In any case, as part of the narrative arc (pretend it had one!) I included a ditty about Kolohe Andino changing his fins by banging them on a bench.

Do you remember that video? It came out 3ish months ago and starred your fourth favorite blonde pro surfer under 26 smashing his FCS II fins on a boat bench in order to get them to pop out of his board.

I can’t recall specifically what I was drinking at the time but the whole thing seemed very funny and so I made fun of it. Knowing me I made fun of it a few more times. And when I went to make fun of it again today I realized it had been ripped down! Scrubbed off the entire Internet. Scrubbed from Vimeo, from Facebook, from YouTube. Like it never existed!

I almost fell off of my kitchen stool laughing. It means that my gentle barbs so disturbed the content producers at FCS that they had the thing pulled down. They had it vanished like a poor Italian shopkeeper who couldn’t pay his protection money!

Poof! Gone!

But once I stopped laughing I realized the potential power of mighty BeachGrit. I realized that with enough fun making anything can happen. How then should we use this power? What would you like to see made fun of until it goes away?

Stop looking at me! Look at the waves!
Stop looking at me! Look at the waves! | Photo: WSL/Kelly Cestari

Watch now: Perfect Cloudbreak!

The Fiji Pro is on and Cloudbreak is doing it!

Oh if you can find your way to a computer or phone or iPad or Smart TV then do! The Fiji Pro is on and Cloudbreak is perfect. Not even hyperbole!

Kelly Slater almost scored a perfect heat total. He took off late toward the end and shattered his board and even though he had the field combo’d let a barrage of F-words fly! “Fucking fuck fuck fuck!” he said or something much like that.

And that’s how good it is! I’m glad that the WSL doesn’t have a delay because otherwise they could have scrubbed Kelly’s swears. But his swears were like sweet honey! Like cocaine wine!

Click here and watch the rest of the day! Your boss will understand.

Panic: Deadly sea snake in California!

A new terror rears its (small) head!

Sharks are busily chomping all-comers in Australia. Chomping people and fish and birds and dogs. Maybe chomping so many that Australia’s yellow bellied sea snake decided to swim to Huntington Beach.

“Yellow bellied sea snake?” You ask while popping new FCS II fins in your board. “What the hell is that?”

“Oh.” I respond while taking a sip of coffee lightly touched with cream. “Only the most poisonous snake in the whole wide world.”

Your eyes go wide as you say, “Tell me more.” I can see that you are trying to take your FCS II fins out but they….are….not….budging.

“Watch this video of Kolohe bench banging his fins…” I offer before adding “…and read this before getting too scared.”

A poisonous yellow-bellied sea snake has made appearanced again on California beaches. The environmental group Surfrider Foundation made the startling discovery 30 miles south of Los Angeles at Bolsa Chica State Beach during a beach cleanup. They belive snakes appearing due California shores due to warm waters that are attributed to El Nino.

The snakes are highly poisonous , but their small mouths and fangs make it difficult for them to bite humans Initial sightings of the toxic snake happened back in October on Silverstrand Beach in Oxnard. Yellow-bellied snakes are the most wide-ranging in the world. Most reported bites are by fishermen, said Pauly. There’s never been a recorded human fatality.

“These snakes spend their entire lives eating small fish, and it’s not like a rattle snake that can open its mouth really wide… So it’s very difficult for them to bite things that are very large,” he said.

The aquatic snakes tend to live in open ocean waters.

“They have an extremely modified body form. So basically it turns their entire body into one long sort of fin,” said Pauly. “They’re really good at swimming in open water but this particular species can barely move when it’s on land.”

Your fins are bench banged out now and you are frustrated that I scared you like that so you begin putting them back in and that is almost as frustrating as taking them out and so you are glaring at me.

I take another sip of my coffee and say, “There’s never been a recorded human fatality. There’s also a first time for everything.”

P.S. Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

I tried watching that Kolohe bench banging video again myself and FCS made it private! I’m literally dying and not from a poisonous snake bite but from laughter!