The City by the Bay votes to unanimously ban all styrofoam! The guts of our favorite tool!
I’ve always found something very fishy about the City by the Bay. Something not right. Sure the Golden Gate bridge is beautiful and the Chinese dumplings are second to none…but something. Not right. Not right at all.
I tried to deal with my confusion with San Francisco’s Nietzschean surfer not one month ago on a short biz trip, puzzling over his turning the simple act of riding waves into man’s fight against the existence of God.
Still, on my short biz trip the sun shone in San Francisco and I had the most amazing Spanish/Korean fusion meal. I began to think the not rightness dwelt in my own chest. My problem with San Francisco was, in fact, the world’s problem with me.
But just yesterday the city that brought us both hippies and satanists banned surfboards and I feel totally vindicated! The bastards! Those weird, techy, lame, methadone addicted, pale San Franciscan bastards! Lets read from NBC News:
When San Francisco’s Board of Supervisors voted on a law that expanded the city’s existing ban on the use of foam food containers, it dealt a blow to some things summer barbecue guests and beachgoers in the rest of the country take for granted.
Kids’ swim aids like foam kickboards? Gone. Those lightweight coolers that make it easy to bring drinks and snacks to a picnic or potluck? Nope. Even more utilitarian items like polystyrene dock floats and buoys will be illegal to sell in the city beginning in 2017.
Summer fun-seekers will still be able to buy these items elsewhere, of course, but lawmakers hope that the ban will keep people from using these products entirely.
“This ordinance is one of the strongest in the country protecting both the environment and public health,” Guillermo Rodriguez, spokesman for San Francisco’s Department of the Environment, told NBC Bay Area.
The ban on meat and fish trays made of foam kicks in on July 1, 2017; the remainder of the ban goes into effect next January 1. Penalties for violating the ban start at $100 and climb to $500 after three or more violations.
The rule will get a second reading on July 12, although this is mostly a formality given that the 11-member Board voted in favor of the ban unanimously this week.
And look at that! Foam kicks (i.e. surfboards)! Gone as of three days ago! Just think now of San Francisco’s confusing Nietzschean surfer. No longer does he get to smash his head against Ocean Beach’s Wall of Futility with a modern polyurethane aid. He must smash with a wooden plank like his ancestors before him. Like Steinbeck himself.
Oh San Francisco, may God smite thee for thy disbelief! And for thy liberal fascism!
You can still rock your alaias
thank jesus for that, don’t know what i’d do if i couldn’t slide across mother natures face a mere 1 inch above the surface.
You make some sense, jesus was a carpenter!
Guilt is your worst enemy. Tackle guilt by not letting your lime & basil reed defuser go dry. Good SF residents keep refills.
that means Firewires banned.
Smug alert: <iframe width=”420″ height=”315″ src=”https://www.youtube.com/emb…” frameborder=”0″ allowfullscreen=””></iframe>
Umm Styrofoam (beaded polystyrene foam) is not polyurethane foam.
Versions of Styrofoam are used in some surfboards but the vast majority of surfboards used by Nietzschean sufferers will be polyurethane cores.
If San Francisco bans polyurethane foam they will have to ban refrigerators. Which maybe they don’t need in any case.
I don’t think kale and quinoa needs to be refrigerated…
shhh Nick, its clickbait. Don’t go wrecking Chas’s story with “facts” or pesky “basic surfboard knowledge.”
I don’t know! I feel this is my role this week, to be a sort of reproving geek to Chas’s dazzling butterfly thing.
Only this week?
But what about my PBR!!!
FFS what about all those new stringerless EPS carbon craps?? Does this now mean Asia could be bankrupted as obviously , SF’s move will spread like an evil virus , will surfers be arrested if they can’t prove their EPS/Styrofoam surfboard is a PU. Will Patagonia Surfboards be banned??
It’s political correctness gone mad
Were you upset when they banned the legal purchase of poppers?
SF does a raging trade on EPS boards
I think the Nietzschean warriors of the OB are safe from getting splinters.
With beach toys, they are banning products that were made from polystyrene foam not wholly encapsulated or encased within a more durable material.
The fibreglass wrap should make the modern surfboard SF compliant.
“The fibreglass wrap should make the modern surfboard SF compliant.”
It also makes this article unnecessary.
This is what happens when hippies and environmentalist wackos get their way. Pure fail.
When surfboards are outlawed, only outlaws will surf.
Homicidal illegal immigrants…YES!
Styrafoam life saving devices…NO!
And that, kids sums up the stupidity that has become San Fran.
was there a vote on the killer Catholics from below the border at some point?
I didn’t know that Francisco Sanchez was Catholic.
SanFrancexit!
That has a snappy ring to it!
SF has already exited for anyone hoping to buy a home or send their kids to a decent school that costs less than private uni tuition.
you forgot to bash housing prices, Tesla, foodies, PC culture, and airbnb.
I got a monopoly on bashing all those, minus the PC culture thing. I toe many ideological lines, but the hate keeps me warm inside.
There’s also a city councilman who wants to ban the Blue Angels. He says…and I quote…”they strafe neighborhoods.”
I love the Blue Angels and Fleet Week, but I definitely cringe when they maneuver over my neighborhood.
Styrofoam bad but 7000 homeless people are just peachy keen.
maybe they should ban the homeless instead?
They need to figure it out. Which is the opposite of what they’re doing now. It’s not as if they don’t know what needs to happen to provide housing – there just hasn’t been the political will. Any suggestion that they don’t have the funding is laughable.
The homeless would much prefer society provide them with alcohol, cocaine, and heroin. In return, we get a lower crime rate and less of that pesky panhandling. What could possibly go wrong?
from my parking tix alone we could house everyone in SF
perhaps they could house them in all the disused polystyrene foam? Fuck I’m a visionary!
We treat our homeless cunts like shit in Vicco. Our government would probably suggest the homeless eat the polystyrene and perish. That is all. I’m falling through my styrene soap box.