Parker: “Call off J-Bay Pro! Split Points!”

Surfline says the J-Bay Pro will run in ankle-to-waist high waves. That ain't good.

Two days left in the J-Bay waiting period and things look grim.

Surfline is calling for ankle to waist for the last two days of the waiting period. That ain’t good. I’m sure J-Bay can be fun at that size, but it ain’t exactly contestable.

The tedium of sitting through hours of wait, grovel, repeat is torture.

Assigning tour points because of a results which will largely depend on luck is unfair. Leads to mismatches, weird winners. Micro Hall taking Snapper. No displays of skill, just coin flip heat totals and endless jibber jabber as the commentators strive to fill dead air.

Which has gotta be hard. Especially when your content is so obviously restricted. Can’t second guess scores, can’t acknowledge anything resembling negativity.

I’m curious to see what the WSL does. My money’s on it running in garbage. A lackluster end to an event which showed some potential then failed to deliver.

I’m gonna make a plea, hope someone reads this and takes my advice. Call it off. Split the points, split the money. Accept that a sport that relies on nature is gonna get skunked on the regular.

Grovel days make surfing look bad. Makes the surfers look bad. It turns heat scores into a matter of luck. It gifts a huge advantage to the teensy weensy guys on tour. It’s boring.

Yeah, there’s other stuff to consider. Sponsors and local businesses and the ever present need to keep yourself in the public eye. But there are workarounds. Just ‘cuz you can’t run the contest doesn’t mean there’s nothing to broadcast.

Do a couple hours of interviews. Put that SaMo production house to use and keep some filler material in the can for moments like these. Run a no rules exhibition session.

Force the guys remaining to paddle out on logs or fishes or retro whatevers. No priority/interference rules. Award some money to whoever “wins.” Or don’t, just add a clause to the rule book that makes it mandatory should an event fail to finish.

I’d watch that. I’d enjoy it.

(Editor’s note: Magic Seaweed is calling three-to-five feet and underneath Surfline‘s ankle-to-waist call, they note: “Large mid-period swell from the west-southwest holding during the day.”)