Yesterday, Kelly Slater had the Wavegarden in his sights. Today, the ocean!
The greatest ever surfer made his last request known today. He wants his friends to pollute the ocean! Each and every one of them! Over and over again!
Kelly Slater took to Instagram at around 3 pm (Pacific Time Zone), imploring his loved ones in bold font:
When I die, line my friends up and have them toss bits of my ashes it tubes one after another.
It makes sense that he would want the ocean to look like the Ganges in India, choked with charred human corpses, because he has a competing technology, the World Surf League Wave Co. formerly known as the Kelly Slater Wave Co.
Who would ever go in the ocean again? Inland wave lake businesses would explode in popularity and Kelly’s relatives/WSL will own the only relevant model!
Yesterday he took out his remaining ocean alternative, the Wavegarden, through sheer public embarrassment.
And of course I kid (not about him taking out Wavegarden through sheer public embarrassment). It is a beautiful sentiment, some of the greatest surfers of all time burying their king in the tubes. Him being in his most natural spot forever and ever more. Etc.
When you go, where do you want your remains?
I read a story recently that suggested our fascination with cremation is robbing future generations of history. There will no longer be any graveyards for people to go read names, dates. etc.
When I die, dig a pit at the Hollywood Forever cemetery, toss my bones in and stick a big stone at the head end reading:
HERE LIES CHAS SMITH
ummmmm I haven’t come up with the rest yet.
I’ll leave it to you!