Victory so close it can be tasted! | Photo: WSL /
Pullenot/Aquashot
Ms. Conlogue and the bliss of
ignorance!
By Chas Smith
The World Title races tightens to an almost dead
heat! Or does it?
What an exciting day of professional surfing!
What thrills! And did you watch? Did you see World Number 2 Courtey
Conlogue depose World Number 1 Tyler Wright in Portugal? Oh the
timezone is a bit funky as it relates to the United States and
Australia, even Brazil, so don’t abuse yourself too badly if you
missed.
But wow!
Australian Tyler Wright was seen as having the whole show
basically wrapped up but look at the rankings now. American
Courtney Conlogue is a mere 5250 points behind. The amount received
for a 5th place finish! Peanuts!
I was thinking super wow!
And then I spoke with a handsome gentleman who understands this
game better than me and also makes math with ease. He told me that
Tyler is way crazy ahead of Courtney when the things are dropped
etc. and almost impossible to catch her. Courtney, he suggested,
probably doesn’t even know how miserable her situation really is
because the math are weird a tricky.
Should we let her feel like she is a mere 5250 points behind or
should we spoil the fun?
Let’s let her feel!
Go Courtney Conlogue! Go and win!
(You basically can’t.)
Go and grab the World Title!
(Pretty much impossible.)
Go and wear the crown! 2016 Champion!
(Not going to happen.)
Shit. I’m not very good at this.
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Just in: BeachGrit hits the almost big
time!
By Chas Smith
A strange rumor reprinted sans fact check!
Being a minor league gossip-monger is sometimes
tedious work. My ear is always pressed so firmly to the ground that
I fear it may soon cauliflower. The rumors are, very often, tedious
themselves. Like, any vibration having to do with number 44 in the
world Marco Fernandez lead me straight to snooze-ville.
But Miley Cyrus and Stephanie Gilmore in a food fight? Gimme
gimme!
It was published right here four short weeks
ago in all of its glory and began:
Forgive the lack of accurate detail and possible meanders
into non-truth. I was listening to someone else’s conversation,
eating Chinese food and drinking a ridiculously sweet/fizzy rosé.
Easy to get very mixed up.
Not the most rock solid of starts but completely still
completely true, I think. Just fuzzy!
Anyhow it was picked up by major league gossip-mongers the
The Daily Telegraph
directly and without fact check. Let’s read!
In what is one of the stranger stories to land on
Confidential’s desk, Aussie surfer Stephanie Gilmore has reportedly
had a cake fight with US actor turned singer Miley Cyrus.
We weren’t even aware they knew one another, however
apparently Gilmore and her boyfriend were dining at Soho House in
Hollywood with Cyrus and her Australian fiance Liam Hemsworth when
they decided to smash some tequila shots.
After being separated, Gilmore apparently picked up a
cupcake and threw it at Miley Cyrus’s boob.
It hasn’t yet been confirmed or established whether
the cake was thrown in anger or humour.
And how do I know it was picked up from your beloved
BeachGrit?
Oh I never kiss and tell! I’m just happy to feel like a star for
one brief moment. To look through the glass door of the almost big
leagues.
Is there anything better than Throwing Disqus? I’ll tell you.
There is not.
The great Joel "Parko" Parkinson weighs in on the
top of the tour ticket!
Would you like to know a trade secret?
Professional surfers, by and large, are the best to interview when
they reach the twilights of their careers. As young boys they
crackle with opinion but haven’t lived long enough for those
opinions to mean any real thing. As twinks, I mean
twenty-year-olds, they have been scolded by the brands and no
longer share freely.
But when the end of the road comes into view then the cream
start flowing and Surfline’s Dashel Pierson lapped up
something delicious, yesterday, from Joel Parkinson.
It is worth your time to read (here!) but some of the
choicer bits involved Mick Fanning’s psychosis, his own “selfish
motherfucker” attitude, bristling at being called “the old guy” and
this year’s title race. Let’s peek:
The amount of talent that’s there, you probably can
guarantee that it’s going to Pipe now. For me, personally, I think
John’s on the right track. But I still think Gabriel is probably
the most talented. I’m a huge fan of both, I don’t take sides. I’m
just hoping for a great show. A lot can happen in France.
And does this summation surprise you? When you think of John
John Florence and Gabriel Medina do you think that the latter is
more talented than the former? Joel would know more than you or me.
He’s seen the boys dance since their births.
It makes me wish for a new, extra-curricular, element to the
tour. That John John and Gabriel could each pick three waves to
battle each other on with one wave chosen by you and me. Then we
would all know if Joel is right.
Until the World Surf League grows a brain (and balls!) though do
you agree with Parko? Are #youwithhim?
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Parker: “It’s okay to experiment!”
By Rory Parker
Skate icon Brian Anderson just came out as gay. Why
not try it yourself?
Big news dropped in the skateboard world
recently. Brian Anderson, former Thrasher SOTY, longtime
Girl team rider, all around legend, loves kissing dudes.
No big deal. Skate is slightly more open minded than surf. And
Anderson’s been entrenched in the industry long enough that pulling
the curtain from a long time open secret ain’t gonna have much
effect on his earning potential. It’s not the 90’s anymore, can’t
drop a dude for digging dicks.
I’m slightly annoyed that everyone is calling him the first
openly gay pro skater. He is not. Jarret Berry was loud and proud
back when you could still call ’em faggots and without anyone
blinking an eye. I adore Jarret, have long felt he got hosed for
refusing to hide who he is.
Not that the two are really connected. It’s great that Anderson
can come out of the closet. Doesn’t really have anything to do with
Jarret’s trials within the industry. Jarret was rocking his mo’
status decades ago. Anderson’s actions speak to an entirely
different generation. A generation that is confusing and terrifying
to me, but is also much more open minded than I was at a young
age.
It does beg the question, who’s gay in surf? More than a few
open women. Keala Kennelly, for one. Matt Branson doesn’t really
count. He kept his proclivities under wraps until his career was
over. Craig Butler’s sexuality is no secret, but he’s a longboarder
and they’re a fringe element to begin with.
Thirty four guys on the WCT. I don’t know how many on the WQS.
Some of them must love men. Just based on odds.
Not to mention the fact that, when you stick a bunch of young
men in close proximity for long periods of time, some of them are
gonna give it a shot. Though I suppose that’s not actually gay.
Just experimenting.
But some of them are gonna go, “Ah, yes! That’s what I’ve been
missing!”
I don’t think it’s fair to say that anyone has an obligation to
serve as a figurehead for those who share their sexuality. But surf
could use some gay. Our “sport” tends to All-Lives-Matter levels of
uniformity. Which is bland, all too often hateful.
Variety is the spice of life. We’re a big ol’ pile of skinless
boiled chicken breasts.
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Analysis: What a Gay Skater Means to
Surf!
By Mariano Landa
Gorgeous is never a crime! (Part one in a two-part
analysis.)
AMAAAAZING! Brian Anderson just came
out to the skate world.
But even if the Grit didn’t do skate and didn’t do gay,
there is something very, very relevant about this clip of longtime
pro Brian Anderson coming out to the world and announcing a new pro
model with Anti Hero. For those of you who don’t do skate (but
maybe do gay?), Brian Anderson is a very tall Queens-based (as in
New York, not as in the foil to the bear in gay typology) shredder
who once had a shaved head that made him look like a very violent,
very angry white supremacist. Turns out he was not violent, nor
angry, nor a white supremacist, but rather a rags-to-riches line
cook who was named Thrasher’s Skater of the Year within a few years
of going pro, backing it up with a 1999 Münster World Cup of
Skateboarding victory. Video parts abounded, and he rode for LA’s
Girl Skateboards for fifteen years before departing to focus on his
own projects in 2013. As a Nike SB team rider, he’s also basically
John John’s teammate.
A surfing equivalent, in terms of style, is hard to come
by…apples and oranges, just not an easy comparison due to
mechanical differences…but BA became renowned for floating skyward
gracefully and smashing landings at full speed, not an ounce of
tall-guy style (this, we use in the pejorative: bend your fucking
knees, tall guys!) to be found. For this, I refer you to the video.
And it turns out that after two decades of pro parts and creative
ventures, BA figured it was finally time to come out to the whole
wide world with the loving help of Thrasher and Vice Sports.
Some of the highlights: BA talking about how his love
for Baloo the bear and facial hair tipped him off as a child,
checking out cops when getting kicked out of spots, holding in his
sexuality to save a career, and derelict park-rat Brandon Biebel
being glad that BA’s sexual preferences meant more pussy for him.
There’s also lots and lots of speculation about what would have
happened if he’d have come out at the peak of his career fifteen
years ago.
Makes ya think about who’s who and who’s where in the surf game
and where surfing lies in comparison to skate, which is infinitely
more friendly to diversity than surf, although not quite ideal
environs for being an openly gay sponsored athlete.
All I know is that I had to keep this secret for most of 2016.
While I stumble across the odd surf rumor, skate brand art
departments worldwide literally dump rumor and anecdote into my lap
at brunch, at the bar, on the train, at the bar, etc.
But alas, there is no SkateGrit. Which leads me to
another question: how much room is there to break founded and
unfounded skate rumors here on the Grit? Or too much, too
soon?
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros