The World Title races tightens to an almost dead heat! Or does it?
What an exciting day of professional surfing! What thrills! And did you watch? Did you see World Number 2 Courtey Conlogue depose World Number 1 Tyler Wright in Portugal? Oh the timezone is a bit funky as it relates to the United States and Australia, even Brazil, so don’t abuse yourself too badly if you missed.
Australian Tyler Wright was seen as having the whole show basically wrapped up but look at the rankings now. American Courtney Conlogue is a mere 5250 points behind. The amount received for a 5th place finish! Peanuts!
I was thinking super wow!
And then I spoke with a handsome gentleman who understands this game better than me and also makes math with ease. He told me that Tyler is way crazy ahead of Courtney when the things are dropped etc. and almost impossible to catch her. Courtney, he suggested, probably doesn’t even know how miserable her situation really is because the math are weird a tricky.
Should we let her feel like she is a mere 5250 points behind or should we spoil the fun?
Being a minor league gossip-monger is sometimes tedious work. My ear is always pressed so firmly to the ground that I fear it may soon cauliflower. The rumors are, very often, tedious themselves. Like, any vibration having to do with number 44 in the world Marco Fernandez lead me straight to snooze-ville.
But Miley Cyrus and Stephanie Gilmore in a food fight? Gimme gimme!
It was published right here four short weeks ago in all of its glory and began:
Forgive the lack of accurate detail and possible meanders into non-truth. I was listening to someone else’s conversation, eating Chinese food and drinking a ridiculously sweet/fizzy rosé. Easy to get very mixed up.
Not the most rock solid of starts but completely still completely true, I think. Just fuzzy!
Anyhow it was picked up by major league gossip-mongers the The Daily Telegraph directly and without fact check. Let’s read!
In what is one of the stranger stories to land on Confidential’s desk, Aussie surfer Stephanie Gilmore has reportedly had a cake fight with US actor turned singer Miley Cyrus.
We weren’t even aware they knew one another, however apparently Gilmore and her boyfriend were dining at Soho House in Hollywood with Cyrus and her Australian fiance Liam Hemsworth when they decided to smash some tequila shots.
After being separated, Gilmore apparently picked up a cupcake and threw it at Miley Cyrus’s boob.
It hasn’t yet been confirmed or established whether the cake was thrown in anger or humour.
And how do I know it was picked up from your beloved BeachGrit?
Oh I never kiss and tell! I’m just happy to feel like a star for one brief moment. To look through the glass door of the almost big leagues.
Is there anything better than Throwing Disqus? I’ll tell you. There is not.
The great Joel "Parko" Parkinson weighs in on the top of the tour ticket!
Would you like to know a trade secret? Professional surfers, by and large, are the best to interview when they reach the twilights of their careers. As young boys they crackle with opinion but haven’t lived long enough for those opinions to mean any real thing. As twinks, I mean twenty-year-olds, they have been scolded by the brands and no longer share freely.
But when the end of the road comes into view then the cream start flowing and Surfline’s Dashel Pierson lapped up something delicious, yesterday, from Joel Parkinson.
It is worth your time to read (here!) but some of the choicer bits involved Mick Fanning’s psychosis, his own “selfish motherfucker” attitude, bristling at being called “the old guy” and this year’s title race. Let’s peek:
The amount of talent that’s there, you probably can guarantee that it’s going to Pipe now. For me, personally, I think John’s on the right track. But I still think Gabriel is probably the most talented. I’m a huge fan of both, I don’t take sides. I’m just hoping for a great show. A lot can happen in France.
And does this summation surprise you? When you think of John John Florence and Gabriel Medina do you think that the latter is more talented than the former? Joel would know more than you or me. He’s seen the boys dance since their births.
It makes me wish for a new, extra-curricular, element to the tour. That John John and Gabriel could each pick three waves to battle each other on with one wave chosen by you and me. Then we would all know if Joel is right.
Until the World Surf League grows a brain (and balls!) though do you agree with Parko? Are #youwithhim?
Skate icon Brian Anderson just came out as gay. Why not try it yourself?
Big news dropped in the skateboard world recently. Brian Anderson, former Thrasher SOTY, longtime Girl team rider, all around legend, loves kissing dudes.
No big deal. Skate is slightly more open minded than surf. And Anderson’s been entrenched in the industry long enough that pulling the curtain from a long time open secret ain’t gonna have much effect on his earning potential. It’s not the 90’s anymore, can’t drop a dude for digging dicks.
I’m slightly annoyed that everyone is calling him the first openly gay pro skater. He is not. Jarret Berry was loud and proud back when you could still call ’em faggots and without anyone blinking an eye. I adore Jarret, have long felt he got hosed for refusing to hide who he is.
Not that the two are really connected. It’s great that Anderson can come out of the closet. Doesn’t really have anything to do with Jarret’s trials within the industry. Jarret was rocking his mo’ status decades ago. Anderson’s actions speak to an entirely different generation. A generation that is confusing and terrifying to me, but is also much more open minded than I was at a young age.
It does beg the question, who’s gay in surf? More than a few open women. Keala Kennelly, for one. Matt Branson doesn’t really count. He kept his proclivities under wraps until his career was over. Craig Butler’s sexuality is no secret, but he’s a longboarder and they’re a fringe element to begin with.
Thirty four guys on the WCT. I don’t know how many on the WQS. Some of them must love men. Just based on odds.
Not to mention the fact that, when you stick a bunch of young men in close proximity for long periods of time, some of them are gonna give it a shot. Though I suppose that’s not actually gay. Just experimenting.
But some of them are gonna go, “Ah, yes! That’s what I’ve been missing!”
I don’t think it’s fair to say that anyone has an obligation to serve as a figurehead for those who share their sexuality. But surf could use some gay. Our “sport” tends to All-Lives-Matter levels of uniformity. Which is bland, all too often hateful.
Variety is the spice of life. We’re a big ol’ pile of skinless boiled chicken breasts.
But even if the Grit didn’t do skate and didn’t do gay, there is something very, very relevant about this clip of longtime pro Brian Anderson coming out to the world and announcing a new pro model with Anti Hero. For those of you who don’t do skate (but maybe do gay?), Brian Anderson is a very tall Queens-based (as in New York, not as in the foil to the bear in gay typology) shredder who once had a shaved head that made him look like a very violent, very angry white supremacist. Turns out he was not violent, nor angry, nor a white supremacist, but rather a rags-to-riches line cook who was named Thrasher’s Skater of the Year within a few years of going pro, backing it up with a 1999 Münster World Cup of Skateboarding victory. Video parts abounded, and he rode for LA’s Girl Skateboards for fifteen years before departing to focus on his own projects in 2013. As a Nike SB team rider, he’s also basically John John’s teammate.
A surfing equivalent, in terms of style, is hard to come by…apples and oranges, just not an easy comparison due to mechanical differences…but BA became renowned for floating skyward gracefully and smashing landings at full speed, not an ounce of tall-guy style (this, we use in the pejorative: bend your fucking knees, tall guys!) to be found. For this, I refer you to the video. And it turns out that after two decades of pro parts and creative ventures, BA figured it was finally time to come out to the whole wide world with the loving help of Thrasher and Vice Sports.
Some of the highlights: BA talking about how his love for Baloo the bear and facial hair tipped him off as a child, checking out cops when getting kicked out of spots, holding in his sexuality to save a career, and derelict park-rat Brandon Biebel being glad that BA’s sexual preferences meant more pussy for him. There’s also lots and lots of speculation about what would have happened if he’d have come out at the peak of his career fifteen years ago.
Makes ya think about who’s who and who’s where in the surf game and where surfing lies in comparison to skate, which is infinitely more friendly to diversity than surf, although not quite ideal environs for being an openly gay sponsored athlete.
All I know is that I had to keep this secret for most of 2016. While I stumble across the odd surf rumor, skate brand art departments worldwide literally dump rumor and anecdote into my lap at brunch, at the bar, on the train, at the bar, etc.
But alas, there is no SkateGrit. Which leads me to another question: how much room is there to break founded and unfounded skate rumors here on the Grit? Or too much, too soon?