The great Joel "Parko" Parkinson weighs in on the
top of the tour ticket!
Would you like to know a trade secret?
Professional surfers, by and large, are the best to interview when
they reach the twilights of their careers. As young boys they
crackle with opinion but haven’t lived long enough for those
opinions to mean any real thing. As twinks, I mean
twenty-year-olds, they have been scolded by the brands and no
longer share freely.
But when the end of the road comes into view then the cream
start flowing and Surfline’s Dashel Pierson lapped up
something delicious, yesterday, from Joel Parkinson.
It is worth your time to read (here!) but some of the
choicer bits involved Mick Fanning’s psychosis, his own “selfish
motherfucker” attitude, bristling at being called “the old guy” and
this year’s title race. Let’s peek:
The amount of talent that’s there, you probably can
guarantee that it’s going to Pipe now. For me, personally, I think
John’s on the right track. But I still think Gabriel is probably
the most talented. I’m a huge fan of both, I don’t take sides. I’m
just hoping for a great show. A lot can happen in France.
And does this summation surprise you? When you think of John
John Florence and Gabriel Medina do you think that the latter is
more talented than the former? Joel would know more than you or me.
He’s seen the boys dance since their births.
It makes me wish for a new, extra-curricular, element to the
tour. That John John and Gabriel could each pick three waves to
battle each other on with one wave chosen by you and me. Then we
would all know if Joel is right.
Until the World Surf League grows a brain (and balls!) though do
you agree with Parko? Are #youwithhim?
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Parker: “It’s okay to experiment!”
By Rory Parker
Skate icon Brian Anderson just came out as gay. Why
not try it yourself?
Big news dropped in the skateboard world
recently. Brian Anderson, former Thrasher SOTY, longtime
Girl team rider, all around legend, loves kissing dudes.
No big deal. Skate is slightly more open minded than surf. And
Anderson’s been entrenched in the industry long enough that pulling
the curtain from a long time open secret ain’t gonna have much
effect on his earning potential. It’s not the 90’s anymore, can’t
drop a dude for digging dicks.
I’m slightly annoyed that everyone is calling him the first
openly gay pro skater. He is not. Jarret Berry was loud and proud
back when you could still call ’em faggots and without anyone
blinking an eye. I adore Jarret, have long felt he got hosed for
refusing to hide who he is.
Not that the two are really connected. It’s great that Anderson
can come out of the closet. Doesn’t really have anything to do with
Jarret’s trials within the industry. Jarret was rocking his mo’
status decades ago. Anderson’s actions speak to an entirely
different generation. A generation that is confusing and terrifying
to me, but is also much more open minded than I was at a young
age.
It does beg the question, who’s gay in surf? More than a few
open women. Keala Kennelly, for one. Matt Branson doesn’t really
count. He kept his proclivities under wraps until his career was
over. Craig Butler’s sexuality is no secret, but he’s a longboarder
and they’re a fringe element to begin with.
Thirty four guys on the WCT. I don’t know how many on the WQS.
Some of them must love men. Just based on odds.
Not to mention the fact that, when you stick a bunch of young
men in close proximity for long periods of time, some of them are
gonna give it a shot. Though I suppose that’s not actually gay.
Just experimenting.
But some of them are gonna go, “Ah, yes! That’s what I’ve been
missing!”
I don’t think it’s fair to say that anyone has an obligation to
serve as a figurehead for those who share their sexuality. But surf
could use some gay. Our “sport” tends to All-Lives-Matter levels of
uniformity. Which is bland, all too often hateful.
Variety is the spice of life. We’re a big ol’ pile of skinless
boiled chicken breasts.
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Analysis: What a Gay Skater Means to
Surf!
By Mariano Landa
Gorgeous is never a crime! (Part one in a two-part
analysis.)
AMAAAAZING! Brian Anderson just came
out to the skate world.
But even if the Grit didn’t do skate and didn’t do gay,
there is something very, very relevant about this clip of longtime
pro Brian Anderson coming out to the world and announcing a new pro
model with Anti Hero. For those of you who don’t do skate (but
maybe do gay?), Brian Anderson is a very tall Queens-based (as in
New York, not as in the foil to the bear in gay typology) shredder
who once had a shaved head that made him look like a very violent,
very angry white supremacist. Turns out he was not violent, nor
angry, nor a white supremacist, but rather a rags-to-riches line
cook who was named Thrasher’s Skater of the Year within a few years
of going pro, backing it up with a 1999 Münster World Cup of
Skateboarding victory. Video parts abounded, and he rode for LA’s
Girl Skateboards for fifteen years before departing to focus on his
own projects in 2013. As a Nike SB team rider, he’s also basically
John John’s teammate.
A surfing equivalent, in terms of style, is hard to come
by…apples and oranges, just not an easy comparison due to
mechanical differences…but BA became renowned for floating skyward
gracefully and smashing landings at full speed, not an ounce of
tall-guy style (this, we use in the pejorative: bend your fucking
knees, tall guys!) to be found. For this, I refer you to the video.
And it turns out that after two decades of pro parts and creative
ventures, BA figured it was finally time to come out to the whole
wide world with the loving help of Thrasher and Vice Sports.
Some of the highlights: BA talking about how his love
for Baloo the bear and facial hair tipped him off as a child,
checking out cops when getting kicked out of spots, holding in his
sexuality to save a career, and derelict park-rat Brandon Biebel
being glad that BA’s sexual preferences meant more pussy for him.
There’s also lots and lots of speculation about what would have
happened if he’d have come out at the peak of his career fifteen
years ago.
Makes ya think about who’s who and who’s where in the surf game
and where surfing lies in comparison to skate, which is infinitely
more friendly to diversity than surf, although not quite ideal
environs for being an openly gay sponsored athlete.
All I know is that I had to keep this secret for most of 2016.
While I stumble across the odd surf rumor, skate brand art
departments worldwide literally dump rumor and anecdote into my lap
at brunch, at the bar, on the train, at the bar, etc.
But alas, there is no SkateGrit. Which leads me to
another question: how much room is there to break founded and
unfounded skate rumors here on the Grit? Or too much, too
soon?
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Film: “Here comes this Dane Reynolds
kid!”
By Chas Smith
Let's celebrate Dane Reynolds' infancy!
I am the crustiest. A rude cuss. A bastard of
the highest order. Usually. But sometime my eyes moisten and my
heart softens and I become as sensitive as a small baby child. My
heart beating just like yours should!
Last evening was one of those times!
I was sent a small video about the great filmer Jason “Mini”
Blanchard. You know he! Dane’s guy! Maybe not anymore but used to
be!
And learning about Mini was great but watching a fresh Dane
Reynolds made me so… so… so… emotional!
You remember when he rushed the scene, yeah? All singing, all
dancing potential! The surf game hadn’t seen his type in so long.
And, to be honest, hasn’t seen his type since. Who is taking his
place? John John has the thing but not the zing. Gabe has the wow
but not the now. Noa Deane has the beer but not the queer.
The boy ain’t dead, of course, but unrealized potential has a
shelf life and Dane’s is past its “pull by” date.
Do you also emote when you see these teeth too big for body? The
peaks never reached? Or are you so totally on to the next thing?
This is old… I know… but let’s wander down memory lane anyhow.
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WSL: Peter Mel lands condom sponsor!
By Chas Smith
Exactly what the surf world needs! Condor
condoms!
Oh if you were a good enough surfer to have
sponsor stickers littering your board what would those sponsors be?
An energy drink company? Technologically superior boardshorts?
Sandals with beer bottle opening capabilities? Maybe an automobile
dealership?
Condoms?
Oh yes!
Condoms!
The World Surf League’s own Peter “Condom” Mel officially rides
as part of The Bravo Unit™ for the Bravo Condom Company!
I cannot find any overly detailed information about Bravo
Condoms but they seem to be action sports centered etc. etc. and
work? But back to Pete Mel. He answers the question “Dream Date?”
like this:
My lady and I keep our personal dates/fantasies to ourselves
just use your imagination.
Thanks Pete! I will!
Late in the afternoon, thunder growling, that same old
jetski rolled into the channel and he saw Pete get off, tight
wet WSL polo shirt clenching his skin. A hot jolt scalded Ronnie
and he was out on the judges scaffolding pulling the door
closed behind him. Pete took the stairs two and two.
They seized each other by the shoulders, hugged mightily,
squeezing the breath out of each other, saying, son of a bitch, son
of a bitch, then, and easily as the right key turns the lock
tumblers, their mouths so close, breathing Ronnie’s Billabong
hat falling to the floor, stubble rasping, wet saliva welling, and
the door opening and Joe Turpel looking out for a few seconds at
Pete’s straining shoulders and shutting the door again and still
they clinched, pressing chest and groin and thigh and leg together,
treading on each other’s toes until they pulled apart to breathe
and Pete, not big on endearments, said what he said to all the
surfers.
