Your once-upon-a-time favorite surfer is changing directions!
Did you forget all about your favorite surfer in the world Dane Reynolds? Did you forget about his progressive surf approach, loose style, passive-aggressive wink? Did you forget about his gorgeously crooked smile? His cute French bulldogs? His multi-millions of dollars?
Well guess what? While you were busy fawning all over John John Florence your favorite surfer in the world Dane Reynolds was busting out his 9’3 gun. He was sitting in tubs filled with ice and baby sharks. He was running with giant boulders underwater. He was waterboarding himself. He was listening to Slayer’s Raining Blood * and getting ready to be a Titan of Mavericks!
Oh what a wonderful big wave surf competition! Should we read about it from the press release?
Titans of Mavericks is the most coveted event in big wave surfing. Mavericks has a rich history among the annals of surfing lore. Being touted as the one of the most hazardous events in the world, and having 24 of the best conditioned big wave surfing professionals compete against each other to win this prestigious competition makes Titans of Mavericks the greatest show on earth. The 24 who compete possess fearless character and endless passion that give them these unique set of skills to challenge Mavericks each and every year.
Very many superlatives!
And Dane Reynolds! One of the 56 best conditioned big wave surfing professionals alongside the likes of Nathan Fletcher, Albee Layer, Koa Rothman, Jamie Mitchell etc. Does this surprise you?
I suppose that’s what you get for forgetting all about your favorite surfer in the world Dane Reynolds.
But wait. I thought there were supposed to be 24? How in the hell does this thing work? Could I nominate myself to be a Titan? I surfed Pipes, near Swamis, last winter and it was mmmm 4 ft but since I’m not a braggart that is a very conservative estimate (it was 5ft!).
Go to the Titans website here! And get ready for Dane-amite (his big wave name). The window opens Nov 1 and closes March 31.
*He was not listening to Slayer’s Raining Blood but you can right here!
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No one has ever listened to Slayer’s Raining Blood, because the song and album are called Reign In Blood. Oh wait. That was the joke. NVM.
RIP Dane Reynolds, 1985 – 2016. He was a loving father, husband and donut eater. you will be missed.
That made me laugh…thank you!
Still selling out and surfing contests he doesn’t want to.
Yeah but does the life insurance pay out?
Are we sure this isn’t some random dude named Shane Reynolds???
Where is Ben Andrews invitation?
Well, there are also women in the 56, and they won’t be competing either, and…I don’t know why I’m explaining this here.
Explain it in the piece you write and send to [email protected]!
Weren’t there supposed to be women this time? I thought the Coastal Commission did a thing. But I get confused easily.
Women have to be involved to a degree, the Titans people assume that adding them to the list of 56 nominees is good enough, knowing that the Elders of Protocol, or whatever the hell they’re calling the people who pick the actual contestants, aren’t sending women out to compete with men. May be a women’s “expression session” or something. Who knows? It’s far too glare-y at Mavs in the afternoon to watch a contest there anyway.
Ah, got it, thanks. I didn’t actually read the invite list. Reading is hard.
Sweet baby jesus sky man, please tell me that they’re actually called the Elders of Protocol.
They very well may be. I’m not convinced the Titans of Mavericks aren’t sons of L Ron Hubbard.
Maybe that’s where Shelley Miscavage is “hiding” out…Half Moon Bay.
Where’s Pam’s invite? The spot’s named after a dog, and yet not a single canine on the list. Titans Of Discrimination.
Who cares…
We do!!! Dane’s own words declared him scared shitless of Big Waves. He even went so far as to intimate that Big Wave surfers have some sort of death wish (aka…suicidal!!!). It was a Blood Feud between him and monster surf!
ahaha says the guy who supports the notorious small wave pussys like Gabs and Filipe. In fact I’m pretty sure Gabs is the only world champ in history who hasn’t proven his abilities in massive open ocean waves…. just sayin
Where has Occy proven his abilities in massive open ocean waves? Or Mick? Or Parko? Gabby seems a bit uptight but he’s rushed, and won, Chopes in waves of consequence. He’s also made the finals at Pipe, and won Fiji, even though it was small that year. I wouldn’t call him a pussy by any means. And give Toledo a break mate, he just went through puberty!
Are you joking? Joel has massively proven his big wave
prowess. He is a 3 x Triple Crown champion, dominates at massive Sunset and pipe and has towed and paddled one of the heaviest waves on the planet – shipsterns. Mick has also surfed shipsterns when it’s 12 feet Hawaiian and he’s won sunset! So yeah the brazo pussies are still a looong way behind… it aint hate. Its just FACTS.
well, beer-bellied is a condition