Surfer drugged, robbed at Ulu’s!

"Drooling, covered in sand, shaking…"

I failed DARE in sixth grade.

For our non-American readers, DARE is an acronym for Drug Abuse Resistance Education. It was an offshoot of Nancy Reagan’s bullshit Just Say No campaign, part of the war on drugs.

A total waste of my time, even at that age. The grade didn’t matter, they were clear on that. But I was required to pledge and oath to never use drugs. Which I refused to do because I was a stupid child and thought that oaths meant something, but mainly because I’ve always been a contrarian little asshole.

Now I know that oaths are just words and trusting someone solely because of the hot air they’ve spewed is something only chumps do.

A recurring concept in their attempts to brainwash us was how people would try and force us to do drugs. Peer pressure, first one’s free, all the cool kids are doing it. All the cool kids are doing it. Except for the ones who couldn’t handle their shit and had to hit a program. But they aren’t cool anymore, are they?

People’d be throwing drugs at me from every angle, they said. I needed to learn coping skills. Stay away from that evil dope.

If only. Turns out you have to pay for drugs. And a simple, “No thanks,” is plenty when you feel like abstaining. Except for coke. Everyone wants to share their blow at the beginning of the night. Not so much later on, when the stash is running low.

They had horror stories.

Degenerates would offer me candy, but it would be spiked with… some sort of something. They never fully explained why someone would want to drug a child. But this was during a period of national abstinence only sex education. Probably why they shied away from the point. Adults sometimes give children drugs to get inside their bottoms. But usually they just sell it to them for money.

Like everything, there are exceptions. Real assholes dosing the unsuspecting with shitty drugs. Don’t even have the decency to load you up on something fun.

Mara Wolford was recently dosed with rohypnol in Bali. Pretty terrifying.

And now we’ve got Kyle Barnett getting handed some tainted ice cream this past Wednesday, September 7th. Things ended up as well as possible, just some stolen shit. No one got in his butt. But it’s a sketchy story, one that’s worth telling.

Kyle says:

I went to Uluwatu to check the surf about 3:30pm. I was actually hungry, and wanted to eat, but because of Glungan holiday Single Finn was closed. Nail Bowls next to Single Finn was open, and many people were eating ice cream.

I sat at Single Finn watching the waves planning out what peak I would surf…it was kinda that in between stage, small outside corner, big peak.

This ugly lady came up talking to me. She seemed strange and lonely. Telling me she was on vacation by herself from Singapore and she asked her taxi driver where was interesting to go.
He took her there…I suggested she go to see Uluwatu Temple down the road.

She was eating ice cream saying it was too big for her, and asked me if I wanted some.
I said no about 3 or 4 times, but she was persistent, and eventually went and got another empty bowl and spoon.

So we kept chatting, and the ice cream was sitting in front of me. I wanted food from Single Finn, but since it wasn’t open I took a couple scoops of the ice cream

She had bought the ice cream right in front of Nalu Bowls, she didn’t work there. I saw her buy it. She must have slipped the drugs in when she split the ice cream into 2 bowls. I didn’t notice anything funny about the taste. It was mixed with bananas and granola…..and the extra drugs I guess!

Then I told her I was going surfing. She asked if she could come because she had never seen surfing before. I thought she was a loner tourists and sort of felt sorry for her.
I walked her down the stairs to The Edge where I usually leave my bags, but because of Galungan (the holiday) it was closed.

Made Lana’s sister, Lani, told me her shop was open, and said I could leave my bag with her.
I left my bag behind her desk and me and the lady walked down through the cave.
I told her she could go to the beach around the corner or go upstairs to the restaurants above.

It was about 3-5ft and a lot of water moving around. It took me a bit longer than usual to get out the back.

I paddled out the back waited for a wave… and then I don’t remember anything. It didn’t come on slowly……it was just BANG oblivious.

Next thing I know its 9pm and I’m struggling to get to the beach.

I don’t remember paddling in or walking up the stairs.

Lani, the woman I left my bag with, said the other lady came back to get a towel 30 minutes after I paddled out and took a towel (along with my phone and wallet). She had no idea.

Lani said I was drooling, covered in sand and shaking.

I went up to Single Finn and some friends saw me looking very disorientated. They thought I was drunk.

I don’t remember any of this.

My good friend Andy Shags drove me home on the back of his bike and put me to bed.
That’s all I can remember. Being on the back of his bike and him yelling to me to hang on so I wouldn’t fall off the back

I woke up at 4pm on Thursday wondering what the fuck had happened.

I went to BIMC to get a blood test done. Called my banks and canceled my credit cards. They said $1500 had been spent at Bali Barong Cellular and $4000 had been spent at Polo Ralph Lauren.

BIMC took the blood, then told me they can’t do the test there and that I need to go to Sanglah.

I was in no state to drive around, so I called them the next day to see if they can send the sample to Sanglah.

I’m waiting on an answer now.

Yesterday I went to the police station

Today I’m going to the shops where the purchases were made and see if they will give me any CCTV footage. Feeling a bit dazed generally. Like a bad hangover without the party.

My Canadian bank says Im not responsible, but the Indonesian HSCB is saying I’m liable for 48,000,000 IDR, which is a fucking joke. I thought a PIN code is required.

Anyways, that’s Indo…no logic exists here.

HSBC will definitely be losing my business, if I catch the bitch or not.

Police have been notified.

There has been a lot of sharing of the post, and one person has recognized her, so hopefully I can find her.

I’m off to visit all the Polo Ralph Lauren shops and Bali Barong Cellular to see what I can find.