What races through your mind when you see identifiable surfboard shapes?
You know the Rorschach Test of course. The ink blobs that psychologists show patients in order to peek into the very soul. Wikipedia, which we all know as an unimpeachable source, describes as such:
The Rorschach test (/ˈrɔːrʃɑːk/ or /ˈrɔərʃɑːk/,[3] German pronunciation: [ˈʀoːɐ̯ʃax]; also known as the Rorschach inkblot test, the Rorschach technique, or simply the inkblot test) is a psychological test in which subjects’ perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. Some psychologists use this test to examine a person’s personality characteristics and emotional functioning. It has been employed to detect underlying thought disorder, especially in cases where patients are reluctant to describe their thinking processes openly.[4] The test is named after its creator, Swiss psychologistHermann Rorschach.
Wonderful! But as a surfer ink splotches mean nothing to me. Surfboard shapes on the other hand send my mind whirling. Today, for example, I was walking down the steps to go for a surf. Below I saw a pasty man with an extra two inches of blubber, long-ish trunks and a choker necklace gripping a brand new, very small, Hypto Krypto too tightly.
Now, I have absolutely nothing against Hayden Cox. If we ever met I’m sure I would wish him to be the godfather of my daughter. But when I see a chub gripping a Hytpo, or frankly anyone gripping a Hypto, my mind spins uncontrollably and thinks the following things:
- Can’t surf
- Paid alot
- Paralyzed by trend
- Ejaculates prematurely
- Owns a French bulldog
- Sings Kings of Leon’s Sex on Fire when he goes to karaoke
- Dairy free
- Snapchats
- Has an ankle tattoo
- Shops at IKEA but tells his houseguests his furniture is from Restoration Hardware
- Once owned nunchucks
- Owns a gerbil
- Dinner party conversation guaranteed to include line, “Whatever. All politicians are lame.”
- Really can’t surf. Like, can’t catch a wave
- Drinks expensive coconut water
- Uses a uniquely named Instagram geotag for his “Mans Cave” (apartment)
- Craig Anderson
What do you think when you see a Hypto Krypto?
I haven’t got a clue… I’ve been out of the loop at STAB for a couple of years now.
I think – fun board, used to own one. Bought it secondhand (cos I’m not an idiot!). It went great in walling or fat conditions but terrible in punchy beach breaks. Had some really fun sessions on it. then sold it for $50 more than purchase price… no harm done. I’ve now got a DHD black diamond, very similar design but without the shitty futureflex aka ‘floating cork’ construction. super fast, paddles great, turns on a dime. thanks Hayden for inspiring DHD on this one. I also think there are waaay worse boards a chubby guy could be carrying to make him look like a kook – ie anything performance looking and under 19 inches wide. If anything the Hypto is probably a good option for the guy…
Also Chas, don’t judge a man for being pasty. He is clearly just being sun-smart and while the rest of us are dying of skin cancer on hospital beds he’ll have all the good waves to himself!
hardly a rip off. looks more like the HS shred sled than a hypto…
I think you’re bluffing.
5 years ago I acquired a lightly used Hypto Krypto for cheap. It was hand shaped by Hayden Cox and laminated by greasy American hands at Pure Glass. This was pre-GSI mega distribution deal, and pre Vietnamese, Thailand (or wherever the hell they’re popping them out of) dirty sweatshop tiny-hand production. The board surfs well and after moderate use (I’m hopelessly devoted to a local shaper whose boards a ride most of the time) there is only a small front foot indentation. Only dated lams and minor discoloration age it, not that that’s relevant, the point is that it’s a damn good board. However, because of the stigma and associations listed by Chas combined with the involuntary prejudice that enters my own mind, and sigh that is given, when I a see Hypto Krypto clutched under arm or stiffly top turned, I am unable to surf this board. I am Hypto shamed. I am forced to surf it only under the dark cover of night. If the conditions call for it during daytime hours I put on a hood and heavily Zinka the minimal part of my face that is exposed to completely hide my identity. I am too prideful to risk being associated with the board in any way, but I like to surf it. Unless I manage to build up enough courage to come out as someone who rides a Hypto and doesn’t care who knows it (which I do not see happening), I plan to paint over the hot black carbon rails and “HS”, with a thick coat of white Rusto.
Don’t worry. The Sci Fi is going to overtake everything. I’m priming my hatred towards them day by day.
battle of marketing more than design
If I saw someone with a Hypto I would think, hipster trash that jerks off to Craig Anderson films while crying into his micro-pub beer bc he can’t surf like Craig. And probably thinks a tofurky is a real thing. But damn do I want one of those boards!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
pissing on hypto craptos is getting a bit tired.
I had forgotten Craig still surfs so yeah probably is a bit tired. People are still buying them though which is pretty fucked. Bullying doesn’t work that well with clueless people.
ever ridden one? Or you just being more clueless than them?
Na, any good mate? Will never try. I’ve been campaigning against them on STAB for like 5 years.
they’re actually not bad. I had a secondhand one and had some great surfs on it… BUT I did sell it so… I think because of its ‘versatility’ it kinda ends up being pretty good in lots of conditions but not excellent in any.
You never know. I borrowed a mates Al Merrick T Low which upon picking it up decided it was a piece of shit. I gave it a try and now I’ve been riding it exclusively for two months. The Hypto is unfortunately made by a Sydney wannabe hunk which adds a lot to my hatred. The shape itself looks tempting.
Also: suffers severe hyperopia, because hasn’t seen the shitty glassing job and misaligned fin boxes.
Blame Dane
https://youtu.be/kX2fCYGDa6c
That’s a psychedelic germ.
That’s the one I so wanted it looks sick with the hullthing and the funky rails and the Dane riding riding it .etc. do they still make it? Went in Hayden shapes showroom the other day to see what the fuss was about 98% hyptos.
I don’t think they do. I wanted one too, but I didn’t want people thinking I was on a hypto.
Wise choice
Yep they still make em. much less volume than hyptos. more performance.
What Ghostface Braddah said
I think, “man, I wish I was super fit and talented so I could make that heap of shit look super indie shred cool”.
Other times, I want to take one out, talk LOUD about fuck all, hassle and then pull back, when I decide to catch one…surf it switch as hard as I can. Just to show people how stupid they look.
I actually saw my first Slater designs banana at Bondi this morning. He looked so pleased with himself striding up the beach.
i think the gerbil part was f**king hysterical!!!!
… methinks you think too much!
I would probably say, nice board dude have a good one and throw in a low and loose shaka.
That’s why I’ll be institutionalized And you’ll go on to live a long and healthy life!
My first thought – find a local shaper if you like the design, they can make you the same model for a fraction of the price. Hayden is a marketing genius. The board is marketed as the “one board quiver” which is a load of crap. The board only performs really well in hollow fast waves because of the pintail; it was designed for barreling Indo not your typical break. Yeah – I succumbed to the fad and bought one 18 months ago – I had delusions of grandeur. The good thing is that I sold it on Craig’s list in 3 days for 70% of the price because everyone wants one. My local shaper Jim Mcloud spun me up a new board that worked far better in local conditions. Jim Mcloud in Ventura shapes an Egg Beater 2.0 model that is similar yet better than the hypto. 60% the cost and you are supporting a local shaper vs a chinese factory. Check out shapers alley on surfline if you want to support someone local – http://www.surfline.com/sur…. By the way, the only two categories that I fall into above are Dairy Free and Overpaid for the board. I am too low class to get invited to dinner parties unless eating in the dining room at In N Out counts – flame away!
You should change your name to “Sir types allot”
if i could up vote your comment more i would.
The one board quiver thing really is true though – ie it goes OK in more conditions than most boards do. I reckon it actually goes better in fatter, wally waves with an open face – because of wide outline. The main type of wave it doesn’t go good in is hollow, punchy beach breaks. So it just depends where you live. If you’re in California its propably perfect for ya. Where I live I need something with less rail to push…
the STAB comments section..
Fuck Snapchat.
I’d think… Fucking prick, Cox stole that black rail spray job from me. I’ve had it on every custom board since I stole it off Tom Curren in the mid 90’s.
I think “I wonder how I would surf one of those”. But I wont, because surfing has a weird way of judging others and projecting its insecurities into ‘kooks’. Where’s the feel good part? Laughing at the less fortunate kid on the playground because he can’t kick the footy?
Rise above!
I have a backyard copy version… it really does go great in all conditions.
Hahaha you’re disgusting me tonight, Negamang. You should bash that fucking board with a meat cleaver for being so hideous.
Remember I am old and hardly ever go vert.