What races through your mind when you see identifiable surfboard shapes?
You know the Rorschach Test of course. The ink blobs that psychologists show patients in order to peek into the very soul. Wikipedia, which we all know as an unimpeachable source, describes as such:
The Rorschach test (/ˈrɔːrʃɑːk/ or /ˈrɔərʃɑːk/, German pronunciation: [ˈʀoːɐ̯ʃax]; also known as the Rorschach inkblot test, the Rorschach technique, or simply the inkblot test) is a psychological test in which subjects’ perceptions of inkblots are recorded and then analyzed using psychological interpretation, complex algorithms, or both. Some psychologists use this test to examine a person’s personality characteristics and emotional functioning. It has been employed to detect underlying thought disorder, especially in cases where patients are reluctant to describe their thinking processes openly. The test is named after its creator, Swiss psychologistHermann Rorschach.
Wonderful! But as a surfer ink splotches mean nothing to me. Surfboard shapes on the other hand send my mind whirling. Today, for example, I was walking down the steps to go for a surf. Below I saw a pasty man with an extra two inches of blubber, long-ish trunks and a choker necklace gripping a brand new, very small, Hypto Krypto too tightly.
Now, I have absolutely nothing against Hayden Cox. If we ever met I’m sure I would wish him to be the godfather of my daughter. But when I see a chub gripping a Hytpo, or frankly anyone gripping a Hypto, my mind spins uncontrollably and thinks the following things:
- Can’t surf
- Paid alot
- Paralyzed by trend
- Ejaculates prematurely
- Owns a French bulldog
- Sings Kings of Leon’s Sex on Fire when he goes to karaoke
- Dairy free
- Has an ankle tattoo
- Shops at IKEA but tells his houseguests his furniture is from Restoration Hardware
- Once owned nunchucks
- Owns a gerbil
- Dinner party conversation guaranteed to include line, “Whatever. All politicians are lame.”
- Really can’t surf. Like, can’t catch a wave
- Drinks expensive coconut water
- Uses a uniquely named Instagram geotag for his “Mans Cave” (apartment)
- Craig Anderson
What do you think when you see a Hypto Krypto?