Hawaiian hurricane terror is real!
Hawaii hurricane terror is real. Streets flooded with people going about their business. Overcast skies! Palm trees swaying in pleasant sea breezes.
But it’s only a matter of time ’til the rush. Families flocking to their nearest market. Mass hoarding of toilet paper and bottled water and light beer. Pure anarchy!
As of two pm Wednesday afternoon two class twelve death hurricanes are rapidly spinning their way towards our idyllic tropical archipelago. One has been named after a cookie, the other after that uncle who once cornered you at a family gathering and jammed his finger up your ass.
Hawaii Governor David Ige has declared a state of emergency! Schools will be closed!
Madeline will most likely bash herself to death against the southern shores of the Big Island. Residents of Puna will be cut off for weeks!
They’ll barely notice. Business as usual in that off-grid neck of the woods. Some generators will fail, residents will be forced to drink tepid Steinlager.
One has been named after a cookie, the other after that uncle who once cornered you at a family gathering and jammed his finger up your ass.
Lester is forecast to swoop north through the island chain, destroying everything in its wake. Hits Kauai on Saturday.
Is this to be a repeat of Iniki?
Gnarly time out here. People tell stories. Horrible consequences in the fighting chicken world as hundreds of coops were destroyed. Prize game cocks scattered to the four winds.
I’m appropriately nervous. Raised in Southern California, I can handle earthquakes. Wind and rain, not so much.
But I’m prepared! Cases of bottled water, spare batteries for flashlights, a huge amount of fireworks I bought this past Fourth of July and never used. A handle of Jameson Whiskey a guest left behind and half a bottle of Cognac Derek sent me for Christmas! Probably barter both of those for some child slaves.
Once the DTs start kicking in it’ll be a seller’s market.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
“relocation program”…..fuck, that’s funny shit right there. Great update!
Yeah, look what happened to Elvis.
Pololu gonna be offshore for a change.
tepid steinlarger. dont do it
Whats the protocol on “acquiring” free range fighting cocks after the storm?
Finders keepers or is that asking for beef?
Based on my experience with Hurricane Sandy you shouldn’t fuck around.
I was pretty amazed at how much damage was done by Iniki and never fixed. Wasn’t the Elvis hotel destroyed by it?
Some of my favorite swells over the years came from hurricanes that made it north of Big Island. Dead glass, and all kinda off-brand waves turning on. Iniki was an aberration, but damn were the waves good before and after.
Did you live on Kauai during Iniki? What was it like? My former coworker in HNL worked for Sheraton at the time and she was sent there to manage the repair projects on some of the properties. I’m pretty sure she told me that the one in Poipu was one of the few hotels that actually had minimum damage.
No, Honolulu. Day before was funnest Town ever. Day of sucked, cuz knew Kauai was getting pummeled, but could do nothing (but big relief, cuz it wasn’t Oahu, which would have been…) Day after was super fun short period north shore. Heard it was same deal on Kauai (cept for all the shit in the water).
Yes, Coco Palms was never repaired, but there were other reasons for that. It was old, didn’t have deep off-island pockets, etc… Different corps bought it over the years, but too many obstacles (not on the beach, old Hawaiian site, traffic) to do a real upgrade. That site should be a park, but … Kauai.
mass media always scarring people
Did you get in the water for the Gaston swell?
yea… you cant run this time JH. hawaii youre fucked and long island youre fucked. where to this time?
You aren’t kidding! As much as I’d hate to be land locked I’m thinking Arizona is looking pretty good right now.
If you’re gona be landlocked at least go somewhere rad like Colorado? I hear they do stuff on snow there that’s a lot like surfing. Idk, just thinking out loud here.
My sources tell me that Fort Collins is actually just an extension or colony of Kansas and Iowa, but with more sandals, legal weed vaping, and gross bro culture.
oh. that seems not that great? i was just in crested butte, and aside from a tendency toward lightning storms, it seemed pretty alright.
I assume CO is like California: there are places that are indisputably awesome and then there’re some real shitholes and overhyped transplant hubs.
Well….if I’m going to the mountains then I’m going to Jackson Hole. Of all the places I have been to in the world that view of the Tetons is still the most spectacular. And based on the latest track of Hermine looks like I’ll be changing my zip code to 83001.
seems legit. never been here, but i hear good talk.
It’s a MUST go especially since you love the mountains. Great little town (with the obligatory excellent local brewery!) and Teton NP has some incredible hikes that get you into the backcountry relatively quickly,
relevent to my interests. 🙂
Oh and the climb up to the top of Teton Pass is a leg and lung buster.
so you’re saying i should go there maybe.
Possibly 🙂