The WSL writes beautiful homoerotic poetry! Let's read!
Rape on the Atlantic! Bloodshed in the Basque! Liberte, egalite, le sexe anal! Of all the monikers I can come up to describe day one of the Quiksilver Pro, the World Surf League’s wins. They called it:
Hossegor Humbling: Parko and Slater Take Poundings at Quik Pro.
The Humbling at Hossegor?
Brilliant! Muhammed Ali approved!
And did you catch the hour of surfing that happened today? It featured two, and only two, heats but also the decapitation of two, the only two, stars. Joel Parkinson fell to Nat Young in heat one with a 6.47 total. Kelly Slater fell to Keanu Asing in heat two with a not much better 7.00. And then the day was called.
Why?
Oh the surf was a roiling mess! A glorious disaster! Big! Bubbly! Wild! Voluptuous! Full throated! Deep throated! Etc.!
But why run at all?
The World Surf League reports thusly:
Kelly Slater and Joel Parkinson each suffered Round One setbacks at the Quiksilver Pro Tuesday, where conditions got heavy in a hurry. Officials spent the early morning pondering the decision to run or not at the plage des Culs Nus in Hossegor. With the surf thumping in the six-to-eight foot range, they put the event on hold to determine whether or not there were enough opportunities to run heats.
During the delay John John Florence, Conner Coffin, and Italo Ferreira stroked into some oversized barrels, and came out standing tall, luring Commissioner Kieren Perrow to get the action started.
But a combination of a building swell and an outgoing tide quickly changed the lineup during the opening two heats. The boys did their best braving the thumping closeouts, but it was more death than glory. Even Kelly Slater, the 11-time-world champion, got stuck just trying to make it out. He needed a ski to come retrieve him after being caught inside before his heat even started. And sadly, it went downhill from there for Kelly.
And let’s parse the brief press release, shall we? Does it quite basically say Kelly and Joel surfed very poorly because they were unable to handle bigger conditions. John John, Conner and Italo surfed very well in those same bigger conditions. Kelly embarrassed himself.
Is that a fair summation?
A little rude don’t you think?
The forecast, moving forward, is tough to gauge. Do you think Kieren Perrow will come out the winner when all is said and done or do you think he’ll be sharing plates of steaming hate with the judges?
Also, does anyone do homoerotic poetry like the WSL? Between Slater and Parko getting pounded and John John, Conner and Italo stroking some nice ones I think we can safely give them this year’s coveted Chubbie (named after the famed English poet Ralph Chubb).
BitchGrit
Ridiculous, feeds into the truth of the Kieran is a douche meme promulgated here a week ago. I wonder if relegating Slats to round II was designed to protect JJF, Medina and the hapless Wilko from being torn up by the King. Look at the draw, I’m just sayin.
It is what is is & it sucked !! Not as bad as the commentary from that guy who will remain nameless !! Sorry – Ross that you had to work with the worlds worst !!
Pottz was wearing a beanie and a Hawaiian shirt short sleeve shirt.
Pottz is in on it. Avant garde, ahead of his time bear fashion.
I once shared a tandom 4wd motorbike in the Australian desert with a homosexual man for two weeks. At some point the Pipe Masters came up. “Please, that is the gayest thing I have ever heard” he said. It was at that moment I realised I follow the most homoerotic sport in the world. I check the ratings and everyone is shirtless as Joey Turpell excitedly tells me “the young Brazilian stuffs himself into a frothy one”
” Come on gorilla we in Hossegor” just doesn’t have the same ring to it.
But…”Down Goes Slater” kinda does.
“We didn’t get our estimated 5-million live viewers during Kelly’s heat, so we’re postponing the contest until Saturday morning, Sydney time. Even if it’s dark outside.” – Paul Speaker via Kieren Perrow
Yep – then the maybe 20K viewers globally will magically get inflated to “7 million unique views”
the best thing about the viewership claims is that they’re totally verifiable numbers but Speaker knows he’s not playing in the NFL space anymore. thinks he can just make shit up now. surfers might be that dumb, but advertisers aren’t.
Yeah that’s it!! Did some work with certain event back few years ago the numbers they tried to claim on viewership were unbelievable – and was for sponsors. Can only imagine what speaker trying to pull!!