The surf industry apocalypse was only pretend! Don't worry! A star is maybe born!
Oh how the pendulum swings! Back and forth back and forth, furiously, ludicrously, from utter despair to triumphantilism! Like sands through the hour glass, these are the days of our lives!
Just yesterday the surf apocalypse was upon us because Volcom fired many people, mostly from their event staff, and many surfers like, basically all of them.
And it was the end. The finito. The done-skis.
But just minutes ago guess what a well-placed, and beautiful little bird whispered into my ear!
Guess!
Guess you dawdling fool, you soulless cretin!
Fine I’ll tell you! That Noa Deane. N O A D E A N E. The hottest surfer alive and free agent pending the almost end of a Rusty contract. Is. Going. To. Sign. With. The. Stone.
That’s why Volcom cleared cap space! Not to tap out of the game but to soar on the wings of a cherubic Australian!
N O A D E A N E!
Noa Deane!
And do you like the way he surfs? Are you a fan? He don’t like the WSL remember that?
He thinks they fuck.
But back to my beautiful little bird. Shim whispered, “It came down Billabong, Rusty and Volcom but it’s done now. Volcom got him.”
And do you feel better now? Will you sleep with visions of Noa Deane riding for Volcom dancing in your head?
I will.
P.S. I didn’t really mean to call you a dawdling fool/soulless cretin. I was just so excited and the alcohol got the best of me. I mean excitement.
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This was awesome to read. Obviously Chas is having a lot of fun in his job and we can tell! Keep it up mate. Bis repetita
I am so tired of No A Dean and I have never seen him surf. I hope he gets more ads holding guitars though. They are sweet. Question, who is more annoying, Gigs or Noa Deane?
Is the volcom stone a massive meth rock? Seems like you cunts have been smoking a lot of it
So which team riders were dropped?
its never felt better!
I knew nothing about the state of the surf industry the other day and now I know even less.
Noa’s Last Dart’s probs gonna have to change his handle to Noa’s Last Glass Barby tho…
It will be sweet AF when Nland opens tomorrow and then every brand can relocate there.
Furthermore, did CI give Nate Tyler the boot to get Noa on their sleds?
I support this 100%. And free of irony. As long as they kept Ozzie.
Wow, Volcom cleared space to pay for a guy who people will watch very little of… pure genius.
that’s probably better than the “not at all” the prior team got.
All for a carton of durries and a pawn shop guitar as both parties agreed it will be rad exposure for his music projects.
Are you sure that’s not Quincy Davis?
The WSL sure does fuck. Pete Mel’s condom sponsor is a testament to that.