Welcome to BeachGrit...brought to you by Porsche (basically)!
What if everything you did was cut rate? Like, generally pretty lousy? What if your phone was made in Korea and accidentally exploded all the time, your “hotel” when you traveled was just a room in somebody else’s house and your car was maybe 1/3 as good as a Toyota Landcruiser?
Well then you’d be the World Surf League!
Professional surfing’s governing body has worse than average partners. Samsung, Airbnb and Jeep to mostly name them all. It would all be well and good, I suppose, if your beloved BeachGrit didn’t exist to blast a spotlight on their mediocrity.
But we do exist with our bright and shining lights!
First, we all own Apple iPhones (maybe Rory doesn’t but he also lives in Kauai). Sure it is no big thing, obviously, and this is not the Apple iPhone Mens and Womens BeachGrit. We, in fact, bought them but better a purchased phone than a blown off ear, as the old adage goes.
Second, we stay in proper hotels when traveling, or in friend’s extra rooms, but we don’t call the friend’s extra room a “bnb.”
And now we have Porsche instead of Jeep! Or not “we” exactly but my gorgeous and successful wife. But I’m a featured extra! And I chuckle at the dowdy World Surf League in their little Jeep Wranglers while drinking sauvignon blancs from New Zealand instead of Australia. “Those petit bourgeois…” I say to anyone who will listen. “They’re so cute! So… funky!”
Go and see my beyond fabulous l/w ife here.
Shoes on the beach? They made you do that for the shoot right?
Haha; very cool; I think you’re the first commentator on beachgrit that taught me something I didn’t know: quadratic wood diffuser – very cool; a beautiful piece of functional art. I had to google DMT; in Hawaii, we have those ayahuasca churches. There’s a lot of research/etc. about the benefits of psilocybin, etc. Would be cool to see Trump, Putin, and other government mentals tripping on hallucinagins; I bet we’d finally have peace.
Who was the photographer..?
Porsche Execs: “yeah, it’s a station wagon, and dude’s a man-ny; he’s even wearing his wife’s clothes. I mean, look at those pink shoes, that balding head covered by Ellen’s haircut . . . Jesus . . . but no one will notice any of that because it’s a Porsche! He’s got a Porsche!”
But did you see the trunks? Brought to you by BeachGrit!
Haha; you’re a good sport Chas; but I blame you for my own comment due to your (and beachhgrit’s) influence on helping to make me semi-mean/mega-critical.
I think you have been hanging out with Derek a bit to much. Shorts that short need to stay south of the equator!
But you have a high tech vaporizer and a dope sound system . . .
WMG = WSL
Haha, my kid and I were out a sh*t day at Seaside and saw that blue beast in the lot. That’s twice I’ve brushed shoulders with Chas without a meeting taking place.
Please please please stop me next time….
If surf bloggers are professional surfers, does that make surf commenters professional free surfers?
Man, Chas. I would call you an enigma, but the connotations of mystery and intrigue would flatter. I flit between finding your shtick amusing and thinking you’re actually a cunt. At least this settles things.
Amusing! Thanks Chazz!
Sooo….I’ve never owned an iphone ( currently own a ZTE through Metro PCS), I drive a beat up 1989 Chevy truck, I stay at my mom’s when I go to Puerto Rico and I live in Florida to top it off….I guess I’m on a league all of my own!
I have the same phone thing sucks.
“Yeah, that’s the surf journo’s Porsche.” Now that’s not a phrase you hear often.
Do you drive down the street singing ‘There’s only one Panamera, there’s only one PA-NA-MEEEEEEEER-A, there’s only one Panameraaaaaa’?
Do you also own another car? How do you get surfboards into that? Over your wife’s dead body I would imagine.
Biolos Mayhem’s ‘Wife’s Dead Body’ Chas Smith signature model
His 4’2 simmons fits perfectly.
Pretty sure Chas drives an old Acura SUV with a soccer club sticker on the window.
Almost! Jetta Wagon! But only because my sick Saab convertible burned to the ground.
Such shame!! Suck on tht, World Shame league, aka Richie Porta boys !!!11!!!1 cry cry cry
Oh Lifestyle Marketing… What will they think up next?
So all I need to do is buy into the dreams corporations sell me, then I too can have my very own high-powered sugar mama – complete with a fictional “pro surfer” career? Sign me up!
Fuck the new swell in the water, I’ll be down at my local Porsche dealership buying the “perfect life”… One question though, can I trade in the adorable little kids as soon as they reach that “Chelsea Clinton living-in-the-Whitehouse-with-braces” phase? That just won’t fit with my own personal lifestyle branding.
Chas, Chas, Chas… C’mon man, don’t try so hard. It’s not you. It smacks of desperation. You’re better than that (I think). LOL
New swell in the water? Ha! You should have seen it that day! And you think I wrote the copy?
Ha! No, I would never accuse you of writing such horrid shit as lifestyle marketing copy. I know you have (low) standards. As big a whore as you are, I’m sure there are at least some lines you won’t cross as a writer (kind of like Julia Roberts “kissing a john” in Pretty Woman). Although in that analogy, she does eventually end up kissing Richard Gere — so I won’t blame you when Bob Hurley pays you a shit ton of money to ghost-write his “memoirs”. LOL
“she married an athlete”. who is this athlete Chas? How dare you be his cuckold!
I’ll find the man and throttle!
ya mean Charlie Smith is her real husband?
Sauvignon blanc is for people who don’t like wine, but if you are going to drink it I’d argue that New Zealand sauv is superior to Australian.
With the transgender market increasing and them really having to pay for both, your business plan is incredible.
I didn’t realize that was an option, so I’ve been blowing dudes to get out of the US for the past two days when I could have been ear deep in roast beef, I’m implementing that tomorrow! Scheduling conflicts and such.
You only own one t-shirt huh?