Parker: “I’m off to Oahu!”

Goodbye hermit life. Hello Turtle Bay!

I’m packing my bags and cleaning my house. Off to Oahu for two weeks this Thursday. Running away to join the circus.

Playing surf journo sans cell phone may prove challenging. Maybe I’ll grab a burner at Walmart before I go. Maybe I won’t. We’ll see. Time will tell.

Am I looking forward to the trip? I don’t know. Maybe? I don’t exactly play well with others. I enjoy my hermit life. But no one really knows what I look like. I’ve been trying to wrangle Pyzel onto my podcast, it’s pretty clear he doesn’t know we’ve met. Multiple times. Lurking on the fringes should come easy.

Or maybe I’ll embark on a drunken rampage, get my ass kicked over words I don’t remember writing, fly home early with my tail between my legs. That’s a definite possibility. Though Derek probably wouldn’t be too pleased, since he’s footing the bill for this little adventure.

Won’t make to it the Surfer Poll awards. That shit’s tonight. Also, I wasn’t invited.

I loved reading who won when I was younger. Don’t know why I cared about them so much, but I did. Are they still relevant? Certainly is a big to-do. Hosting stuff at the Turtle Bay don’t come cheap. Maybe they get a break on rates because of the cross-branding bar deal?

Speaking of branding, the Poll awards are sponsored by a company that makes aluminum skateboards, a tire company, and that one gig that sells expensive flavored coconut water. Makes sense to add some sort of spice to the water. Pre-packaged coconut water tastes fucking foul. But I’m not the market. When I get a hankering for some coco juice I just go pick one. It tastes better, don’t cost nothin’, and I get to open it with a machete. Pour some rum in there and you’ve got a truly tasty beverage.

You know what I watched yesterday? Surfing World‘s take on Skateline. They’re calling it Weak Wrap, which is a clever play on words.

I wasn’t expecting much, it being a Skateline ripoff and all. Which is why I’ve been aware of it for a bit, but never took the time to hit play.

I’ll admit, my initial reaction was unfair. It’s actually good. Danny Johnson’s got a great delivery, I’ve truly enjoyed the few episodes I’ve watched so far.

And it’s not like Gary Rogers invented the faux talk show format. Though Weak Wrap does give a brief nod to their inspiration in the first installment.

Here’s the latest. Give it a watch.