The elements! They smite us! They smite us bad!
I was surfing swampy high tide lulls in southern California this morning. The water was a bit chilly but not too bad. The sun was dancing in and out of clouds. A man paddled out with a neoprene swim cap covering his head. Since it was so swampy and high tide lully I had much time to ponder and my first thought was, “Wussy.” But my second thought was, “I wonder if his wussy swim cap is going to protect him from surfer’s ear?”
And my third thought was, “Pterygium (surfer’s eye) is so unattractive.”
And my final thought was, “Are surfers ugly freaks?”
Are we?
Do we maybe think, after watching lots of surf movies and reading lots of surf magazines, that we look something like this?
Or fantastically rugged dispositions, jaws cut from granite, clear eyes gazing into a brave future like this?
But with surfer’s ear and surfer’s eye and sun damaged skin and paranoia born of fighting over swampy high tide lulls with a bunch of wusses do we really look something like this?
Look at yourself honestly in the mirror.
Well. At least we have each other.
Commented on Disqus? Log out, tap the Disqus button, and your old name and comments come back. The box is ours.
Your comments are still here. Every one of them.
Twelve years of BeachGrit comments came across from Disqus. Connect and we will show you how many are yours. We get your username, nothing else.
Connect Disqus to reveal.
I always assumed pterygiums were hardly noticed by non-surfers (i.e. it’s just something we’re self-conscious about). Hope I’m right.
Does anyone else have the unsightly protruding surf ribs like me?
That’s the Nick Carroll I remember!
which one is nick carroll?
I went to the optometrist the other day and she told my I’m getting a pterygium. My first thought was, “Oh no, now people will ask me if I surf…”
I see what you did there!
well at least, as this photo of russell shows, you can still have sexy armpit hair.
… been to that vapid bastion of moronic consumerism – the shopping mall – lately Chas?
We’re doing just fine when compared to the vast majority of the species.
Sometimes, I fear there aint enough Zyklon B available to satisfy the misanthropist within.
Heavy!
… metal?
Naaaah. Admittedly it was just my reaction after I Googled “Zyklon B”.
clarification: I don’t actually harbour thoughts of mass-murder.
Fair enough, though I wouldn’t blame you if you did following a trip to said shopping mall this time of year. It’s enough to make even a Gudauskas brother angry.
…. yeah too true.
‘Hark the Herald Angel’s sing,
“Get thee the phaaaarrrrrrck outta this thing!”‘
Well, having established my credentials as a card carrying wuss, I’ll be sticking to the sub-tropical areas where neoprene swim caps won’t interfere with my Scandinavian genetic inheritance. (No relation to KVF as far as I know).
I thought you were going for a bit of an Alexander Skarsgard wanna-be-hunk kind of thing? Do you slay bitches? Maybe I should get myself a V-neck and suit jacket combo happening.
Nah, be yourself – stick to the below-knee shorts and puffy skate shoes, Wiggs.
Fuck that’s how John john dresses.
I’m basically the Norse god Baldr, so I can’t relate to this article.