A new grand-slam format. Last year for Margs. John John to own the first half.
Tour fever. It’s practically in the air!
But you won’t be getting any taste of the high life until mid-March when the tour’s first of 11 events unskirts at Snapper Rocks. What’s that give us? Almost six weeks of dead time to beat our tambourines.
Here’s what’s going to be gradually unwrapped over the course of 2017.
- Filipe Toledo will surprise no one and win Snapper: I’m hardly back out on a limb if I posit that Filipe is unbeatable at Snapper. Three years ago, he secreted his hot civet musk all over the little rights, rewriting how fast, high, and tight, a man could surf. If he didn’t blow his hip out in his semi-final with Matt Wilkinson last year, he would’ve won the event, surfed at Bells and Margarets, and taken the title down to Pipe. Pointedly, the Wilko-for-world-champ narrative would never have been written.
Filipe Toledo's Perfect 10 - Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast 2016
- It’ll be the last year the tour will open with Snapper, Margaret River, Bells, Rio: The world’s best surfers in the world’s, uh, not best, but pretty good, wait, used to be desirable, waves. In the upcoming super rationalisation of the tour, Margarets will disappear and Bells will hang by a thread.
- Kelly Slater will surprise: There’ll be no experimentation with boards in heats. The turns will be more ornate. The old aristocrat, in his final orbit of the tour, will shine. A thank-you note to a life that’s served him well.
- John John will swing out of the first half with a ten-thousand point lead: Now he gets it. Those outrageously clean pocket-turns score. The world champion knows he can sleepwalk through to the quarters, dressing up the harder heats with jumps when necessary. Third, First, Third, Second. And then? Fiji, Tahiti, Europe.
Final: John Flies to Victory
- The rookies will live up expectations: In other words, be completely overwhelmed by the superiority of the incumbent surfers.
- A new grand slam format will be floated: It ain’t a secret that the WSL’s four-day events (seven days if it’s a guy-gal combo) are too cumbersome to succeed in getting the kick the WSL wants. Even the most consistent wave in the world isn’t going to gift a week of good surf, and through all the tides. What’ll be kicked around is a grand-slam format where the top eight surfers in the world are flown into a pumping swell. If it happens it’ll redefine the game.
The timing of these predictions is almost as rogue as the numbering system.
Just get rid of Bells and Margaret’s and add something like North Point as an official stop.
Fuck off margs is the only event in oz that actually gets pumping swell every year!! And if they keep it mobile goin to north point an box it’s bound to be about 10 times better than snapper and bells combined. Its also the only place in oz every pro comes for freesurf trips cos its obviously the best surf region. Just cos derek is a little pussy scared of sharks…
Margs is way more watchable/entertaining than bells, fuck that fat burger an it’s Hillsong weirdos
…and [depending on ongoing government support], pays its way.
The opposite. Daddy’s got to strap on the feedbag.
Yes – because he already tore his ballbag open and if he wants more sprogs he gonna be conservative I reckon!!!!
Or, the WSL can be sane.
Drop the women’s tour. Drop the women’s tour. Drop the women’s tour.
Boring, insolvent, and steals contestable waves from the real moneymaker. It’s like kicking the Lakers off the court at half-time, running a WNBA snoozer, and expecting the fans to stick around for the Lakers to come back on the court.
That’s a tricky one. I understand your logic, financially, but not everything is about money.
Really? Do explain why else the WSL exists. I’m sure you can squeeze in some big name drops along with other words formed into sentences making a few paragraphs resulting in numerous clicks.
The WSL exists to uplift and inspire! Didn’t you see their snail advertorial?
That’s what I said to the Mavericks Contest Creditors.
It ain’t tricky Mikey
Money, power and sex
Since the dawn of time
has anyone checked about roi when comparing the two tours? i would hazard a guess that the women’s tour generates some serious per dollar per capita. does the men’s tour generate the same roi? let’s see the evidence? no alternative facts.
I agree. This discussion would benefit from some beach grit investigative journalism.
In the US, anyway, viewing figures from all major sporting events are made public, and women’s sports generally have a fraction of the spectators that men’s do.
I strongly suspect that this is the case with the WSL, and judging from my own interest, surf blog interest, etc. the excitement isn’t there. I have never heard of anyone staying up late, or getting up early to watch a women’s heat live.
By the way, the Big Wave Tour needs to be put on hold as well. There just isn’t the viewership needed to sustain it.
The WSL appears to be dying, and the money isn’t there to save all of it.
Scary to think that surfing could be without a structured ranking system in the near future. And I mean that non-ironically — I’m a big fan of the competitive series.
If all we had were Noa Deane-types, surfing would be a very bland story to follow
The money comes from brands who sell clothing, swimsuits, etc, plenty of which is to women. Alana Blanchard (admittedly no longer on tour) probably has more followers on social media than Kelly Slater.
Ha! you just made me check Alana’s insta!
Alana: 1.8m
JJF: 920K
So, the plan to save the WSL is clear: WET TSHIRT SURFARAMA!!!
Now you’re thinking out if the box! The Rio event could be “Brazilian Bottom Turns: Only 10s Allowed”, etc…
Your numbers are on the piss Dez
Which numbers? I’m vacaying with Chas and he makes me drink out of his plastic one-litre bottle of vodka at very odd times.
aren’t you aussies born and bred on metric? that chunk of svedka is pushing two-liters, easy!
Look at Professor Metric here
We drink booze, we don’t measure it
This was way too early!!!
What the fuck are we going to talk about for next 6 weeks now??
Life, death, the search for love through infidelity. I’m open to anything if you are.
Can we get a story on why Speaker left? Maybe what happening to Texas wavepool – thank you jesus!!
Maybe some stories on river surfing in Munich, and how German surfers are prepping for Tokyo
I know everyone is sick of wavepools but when is wavegadden gonna show us some pics of their new cove thing???
the german surfers? well i have seen this lad training. they’ll have a team. no river surfing. don’t you worry about the germans.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Filipe seems to done himself a mischief
Eight surfers flown in at the last minute for a pumping swell, so the poor cunts who had the trip booked for eighteen months can’t surf.