Anglo-Saxons fight for dominance on Polynesian soil!
We live in a developed world, sure, but isn’t there something viscerally delicious about reverting back to heathenry, if only for a moment? For instance, consider the masculine battle for dominance. Even today, two men will throw fists over proprietary control of a woman’s ovaries. While this may be offensive to some, other women perceive the dance as a positive representation of love, but more realistically, strength and virility. They like it!
And these same Darwinian practices apply to surf.
It’s why we’ve got localism and obscure wave-height-callings and unspoken rules relating to ability and the amount of waves one receives. It’s completely archaic and oftentimes stupid but also a major part of our world. Surfers are, maybe moreso than any other non-religious group, completely un-evolved! It’s all about who rides the biggest wave, bangs the most chicks, swings the biggest dick, etc.
So…
You have seen, probably, Griffin Colapinto’s latest flick, Ding Donging. It is fast and raw and masterful in every sense of the word. As stated before, I believe Grffin to be America’s great white hope.
One thing you didn’t see, maybe, was Charly Quivront’s newest clip, Charly Quivront Let’s Loose in Hawaii. It is also fast and raw and masterful in every sense of the word. I don’t know much about Charly, besides that he is 21 and French, so I’ve not made any claims about his future.
But! Do you know what other thing these videos have in common besides being fast, raw, and masterful, having been filmed in Hawaii, and toting very awful names? Both were released on March 9th!
And is this not a direct call for battle? A Look-at-me punk, I’ll kick your fucking head in? A metaphorical representation of the childhood game, King of the Hill? I think yes and also I think it is wonderful. We need more authoritative action in our sport, less prissy pandering!
Now it’s time to decide: who won this battle of the swinging dicks?
Charly!
Or Griffin!
Charley – wounded gull V2.0.
Both of these guys should have hired dear Warren Smith to direct their clips. Apparently the vampire lifestyle is hip again, and these clips were too positive. Bright sunny skies could have been screened over to dark and rainy. Weird flying birds with grainy textures would have added a serious sense of much needed macabre. Plain and simple these are too airy, happy, and bright. I want death, disorder, and overall unhappiness.
As far as surfing goes, charly gets a 5.5 while Griff comes in with a 9.5. Music puts Charly ahead with a 7 while Griff struggles with a 3. All around cool factor of videos both come in around a 5. I prefer charly’s aesthetic but it is a classic volcom rip off while griff’s is a high production value JJF rip off. The X factor, as you mentioned, is the banging chicks part and I’ve heard that Charly’s efforts in this region are impressive if not sometimes misguided and potentially bordering on the maniacal (tinder finger may fall off from overuse or be left deep inside a portly bumpkin somewhere in Azusa). This X factor gives Charly a sketchy 8.5 while Grif (which I admittedly know nothing about) comes off as a guilty masturbator at a 2. Charly for the win!!!
also noteworthy is that it looks like charly put this together in a few sessions while Grif has clips from indo and has probably been compiling for quite some time.
A Griffin is a cross between an eagle and a lion, but Charly is just white powder
Again Mikey thanks for creating a waste of time. Who cares about a classless french tween stickered to the hilt; his opening wave was only chest high. Please write something that will engage the reader. Im not here to experience Beach Grit “the Nickelodeon of surf” When is Longtom coming out with another power ranking?
Be nice to see a surf vid without all this lifestyle bullshit mixed in for once.
great white hope ,all on Lost s/bd, with cabon wap adverts dam you might is wightmen!
I’m giving it to Charly because his name sounds more like a euphemism for El Presidente’s favourite grabbing point on women.
Everything is so JJF lite right now ….
Can we add to the BitchGrit T shirt range, which now includes, Defend Hawaii (see modelled shoot on Chas), BitchGrit the T/Shirt (secret design until release), Aloha Akabar ( blackwhite design) …and add to the range, Defend Surfing (esteemed surf journalists team at BG, on payroll only, to design).
What?
you know it makes sense…and MC (hammer), don’t need to contribute to defend surfing design because surely to fuck, he ain’t on the payroll???
Might be time to lay off the cardboard for a while old Sharkey…
And never again, WHAT me! get it?
Ditch the Chas-isms Michael and find your own style. He can pretend bad English is cool because he married well.
For you its just bad English.
What are you talking about? My bad English has taken me to the very heights of the literally world. I mean literary world. Ever heard of the PEN nominated work Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell? Well?
Heavy lies the crown Chas
You are angelic.
Me thinks it is the brands “swinging dicks” now with short sharp vids in this case volcom vs Bong, as they cant pull their cock out and posture around at each WSL event anymore!!
Griffin for me in close one, and note both SHIT music
Oh my god – the music in the Colapinto video is some of the worst music to ever grace a (non-brazilian) surf vid soundtrack.