3,2,1, who's it?
Yesterday, after it was revealed here that sometime BeachGrit writer, vet, scammer, junkie prose master Michael Kocher had been cut down under a hail of police bullets I got a wonderful text from a caring friend. It read:
Sorry to hear about Kocher. My money was on Tellkamp in the dead pool. An ill-fated Pokémon accident.
And I thought, “How has your third favorite surf-based gossip website been alive for over two years and not had a dead pool yet?”
As anti-depressive as it comes!
In case you are unclear as to what a “dead pool” is, let me explain. Everyone puts money on who they think will die and when. Celebrity dead pools usually involve an exact date, I think, but that seems like too much work for us. So just put your money on which one of us is going down next and how.
Chas Smith, Derek, Michael C. (who is busily getting scammed out of $100 in Panama right now), Giancarlo, Steve Shearer (longtom), Matt Warshaw, Tellkamp (I guess), Dave Prodan (honorary) .
And for even more laughs lets add the best part of BeachGrit too! You! Julian’s Postie, Super Jr., mullet, Nick Carroll, Negs, throwing disqus, stewie, Jimmy the Saint, TomHouse, plug-butt, wincy, Superworm, Don Jon Florence, Dogsnuts, etc.
Wait. Is this anti-depressive?
I am offended you forgot me, Chas.
My #1 BG Commentor Crush Mariano Landa seems to passed on to a higher plane of existence.
He’s far to busy having a life. living in Spain for a year…
Ugh. What a betrayal! Eating pintxos, drinking vermouth, the bastard.
Internet heros these days…
good for him..
i miss him. donde esta Mariano!!!!!?????
Unfortunately it will be Derek; his number will finally be up surfing crowded 2 foot Bondi and will cop a fatal cranial massage from a stray weaponised retro log / SUP / hypto kripple. The man bun wearing kook whose errant craft killed one of surf journalisms greatest minds will swear off surfing forever and will take up cross fit instead.
It almost happened! Twice! I felt the nose of a surfboard as it flew past my ear last year. Deliberate! Yeah, I’d dropped in, but still. Lifeguards on the beach called the sonofabitch in. In another episode, the clubbies’ inflatable collided with me on a wave and I had to jump into their boat. I asked ’em what the fuck they were doing and they told me they were trying to keep me out of the flagged area. (I was riding a softie.) They were called in by lifeguards, also.
Imagine the headlines if you’d been slayed by clubbies’ “Famous surf writer killed by lifesavers”. That would certainly get some clicks.
Over a barrel and totally flogged.
This is amazing.
My money is on prodan, but not a mortal death. More in terms of his career when the WSL goes down the drain. Does that count?
Ray Jizzle, he will die of a broken heart from being forsaken by Negatron.
New avatar name but he’s here…
The plug in my butt will give way and I’ll die of dysentery in a hut on the nicaraguan coast.
Mossad using stolen passports to take out Nick Dee!
Wait, what? This is weird as fuck
After stiffing Artic foam for 175K and putting them on the edge of bankruptcy, he better be..
true story?
Heard it from one of the other major foam companies
whoa
Third favourite ‘mid-morning’ surf based gossip website…
Why did I win the donkey vote? Fuck you Chris, my genes are exemplary.
How will we know if someone carks it? A 3 month surf trip through indo would be enough time to potentially result in a payout. And getting the Aloha Akbar shirt back from these reprobates will be tricky.
I will never die.
you cant die in hell
Don’t tempt me with winning a surf (related-ish) contest for the first time in my life. Goodbye, cruel world!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
After I somehow made 30 I became convinced that I’ll crack the ton. See you at your funerals losers.
provided my lap blanket doesn’t get snagged in the home stair lift again, I’m good for a few more years.
Good thing it wasn’t one of these death traps. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
has anyone seen this nonsense. just saw him get flogged in ireland. https://www.youtube.com/wat…
By “flogged” do you mean totally barreled?
Promise me you’ll never die.
I promise!
You’re a big dickhead Chas.
50 bucks on myself. Dead before I’m fifty from some kookfails/darwin award-esque surf mishap. Just this morning I tried to eat my surfboard.