Five observations painted in broad strokes cuz it’s
about the forest not the trees!
“There is a time when the operation of the machine becomes
so odious, makes you so sick at heart, that you can’t take part.
You can’t even passively take part. And you’ve got to put your
bodies upon the gears and upon the wheels, upon the levers, upon
all the apparatus, and you’ve got to make it stop! And you’ve got
to indicate to the people who run it, to the people who own it –
that unless you’re free, the machine will be prevented from working
at all!” – Anonymous surf fans, Huntington Beach, July
30, 2018
Waist-high, tide-addled Huntington Beach.
Really? A professional surf contest at Huntington Beach in 2018? In
the summer?
Wait, every summer? Since, like, forever?
Yup, good old HB is still the time-tested venue of the US Open,
that mid-summer affair that showers a bounty of qualification
points onto an always impressive field of global surf talent as
compensation for willingly subjecting themselves to some of the
most unimpressive, uninspired and humiliating conditions in
professional sport.
It is almost inexplicable — and wholly inexcusable — as to how
and why this contest continues to dole out ten full racks of
qualification points for a formula-driven tag on the outside, a
coupla hops through the middle and a generic closeout bash or twist
onto the sand.
Save me the tired old “the whole industry’s around the corner,
bro” spiel: Huntington should have passed from relevance as of the
Momentum generation, much less when their kids are knocking on the
World Tour’s front door.
And just in terms of this year’s QS, Huntington ain’t a top ten
venue, not even close. Did you see Arica or Iquique? Or the string
of 1500-point comps in South Africa? Acapulco pumped… for a measly
1000 points. Even the usually HB-like Los Cabos Open went batshit
and this year it was exclusively a women’s contest! For anyone
other than the pedestrian beachgoer or guy drinking a beer on the
pier at 8:30am, there is no legitimate reason that the Huntington
comp should exist.
And yet the US Open persists. One of the world’s biggest
contests in some of the world’s most lackluster surf. It’s never
going away, even if every other contest on the QS were to go
absolutely best-day ever for the next twenty years. Much less under
the WSL reign of old backward-fins whats’er name.
Huntington is as close to the stadium experience as surfing has
ever had, VIP experiences
included, and you betcha that the WSL is hedging their
bets on replicating it in the wavepool era, even if it’s in a ski
lake in scenic King’s County.
But as much as I may snipe at the OC — perhaps unfairly, but
more likely completely fairly— and deride the US Open as a scam, a
farce, an exercise in the futility of properly governing
professional surfing, there’s something to this here contest.
There’s something, there’s lots of something, that is ridiculous
and completely idiotic and devoid of reason about the US Open.
Yet there’s also something completely familiar to every
California surfer. And that is why I watched. With a full docket at
a new job, I watched every heat of the US Open today, a display of
masochism that might only be explained by… I don’t even know how to
explain it, but I’ll be damned if I don’t try.
Had I not been watching a surf contest with my very eyes, I
would have thought that Mel and Coté’s responses to Kobayashi’s
interviews were talking about how great the new hire from
Pepperdine is at meeting his quarterly sales quota. Vanilla is not
the word. Uninspired is not the word. “Professional” is.
Here are five observations from day one of the 2018 US Open,
painted in broad strokes, cuz it’s about the forest, not the
trees!
- The everyman’s struggle is real at HB. I’m not
talking about the generic pro’s struggle or some other tired
narrative. Oh no, not even. I’m talking about you, me, and every
other plebe who crawls out of bed at five am to try to find some
pocket of mediocre surf on weekend mornings around two kids,
questions of livelihood, and the soul-crushing weight of adult
responsibility writ large. The fact that this godforsaken contest
gives away so many points and cuts a decent check puts a big
segment of the world’s best onto a wave that is all too familiar to
the time- and cash-strapped Californian who often has no recourse
but to jump in at onshore, high-tide beachbreak X to stay sane.
California has its gems. But we also have far, far more crumbly,
gutless waves that are a quick turn and a couple of hops and a
prayer for an end section. The US Open is impossible not to watch
because of the same terrible surf that makes it so loathsome: Tom,
Dick, and Harry and Mariano wanna see some top-form grom or
big-name pro tear the shit out of the same surf that we subject
ourselves to for too much of the year.
- The complete and utter lack of falling. This
was in part because the waves were, well, shitty. But they were
shitty in that way that enabled guys to catch the wave mid-pier,
tag a round turn out the back and hop or pump to an inside reform
where one last maneuver awaited. It was shitty surf complemented by
perfect surfing. Perfectly safe, perfectly predictable, perfectly
uninspiring, a real representation of what surfing looks like
without judging criteria that can adapt to surfing post-Dane. That
is, unless you’ve found yourself trying to milk that same
hack-pump-pump-pump-air reverse combo out of shit surf. And if that
is your struggle, then every heat was a clinic in how to best surf
that crappy summer shorebreak peak just down the road from
veritably every California surfer anywhere in the state. You may
not get wowed, but you’d be hard-pressed not to learn something
about surfing shitty waves from watching the US Open.
- Professionalism is the go. The poor
up-and-comer on the QS who isn’t a teetotaling Ned Flanders…after
every interview, your favorite voices of reason bent over backwards
to congratulate the maturity, professionalism and polish of a bunch
of late adolescent kids who, by my estimations, would be way more
interesting if they were fucking or fighting their way through life
and surfing. This was especially true with San Clemente boy wonder
version 6.0 Kei Kobayashi. Had I not been watching a surf contest
with my very eyes, I would have thought that Mel and Coté’s
responses to Kobayashi’s interviews were talking about how great
the new hire from Pepperdine is at meeting his quarterly sales
quota. Vanilla is not the word. Uninspired is not the word.
“Professional” is.
- In spite of Kobayashi’s top marks on the day,
California doesn’t have another WT candidate at the moment, much
less a title contender waiting in the wings. Every corner of
Southern California was represented in the early heats and it is
official: the next generation is hopeless for raw talent, leaps and
bounds behind the Brazilians and Aussies. I don’t say it out of
spite or favoritism. I say it because it’s true. The average
performance by Californians reminded me of college kids
interviewing for internships as tax professionals. And that was the
surfing, not the interviews.
- WSL propaganda is, uh, lacking. Based on the
fact that they talked about beer as if it was a cleaning product
that my kitchen just couldn’t do without out, I’ll be passing on
any Michelob purchases in the near future. After seeing them on
camera, I also wouldn’t trust the people that make Michelob Gold
with my children, not even the female one. I also wouldn’t trust
anyone hosting an Air BnB WSL Experience with my money (or my
children). And to round out the ads cycling through, I’m pretty
sure Wade Carmichael put his wetsuit on over his Australian Merino
wool WSL embroidered sweater in his advertising debut. Somebody
please confirm whether this was homage to Victorian seafaring
culture or just poor editing.
Vans US Open of Surfing Men’s QS Round 1
Results:
Heat 1: Kei Kobayashi (USA) 13.37, Reef Heazlewood (AUS) 11.83,
Kalani Ball (AUS) 5.93, Imaikalani Devault (HAW) 5.83
Heat 2: Mateus Herdy (BRA) 13.34, Tomas King (CRI) 12.43, Jordy
Collins (USA) 10.74, Tomas Tudela (PER) 9.76
Heat 3: OneyOnwar (IDN) 13.10, Joh Azuchi (JPN) 12.90, Shane
Campbell (AUS) 10.60, Santiago Muniz (ARG) 7.30
Heat 4: Mitch Crews (AUS) 12.50, Finn McGill (HAW) 9.53, Rio Waida
(IDN) 8.27, Krystian Kymerson (BRA) 2.94
Heat 5: Beyrick De Vries (ZAF) 11.87, Tanner Hendrickson (HAW),
10.83, Ryland Rubens (USA) 10.37, Raoni Monteiro (BRA) 8.94
Heat 6: Mihimana Braye (PYF) 12.60, Cody Young (HAW) 11.20, Koa
Smith (HAW) 10.70, Jacob Wilcox (AUS) 9.17
Heat 7: Parker Coffin (USA) 10.33, Timothee Bisso (FRA) 10.06,
Jackson Butler (AUS) 8.27, Matthew McGillivray (ZAF) 3.37
Heat 8: Marco Fernandez (BRA) 13.70, Kyuss King (AUS) 12.70, Samuel
Pupo (BRA) 12.20, Marco Fernandez (BRA) 11.77
Vans US Open of Surfing Men’s QS Round 2
Results:
Heat 1: Kei Kobayashi (USA) 13.17, Ryan Callinan (AUS) 12.04,
Willian Cardoso (BRA) 11.90, Carlos Munoz (CRI) 11.70
Heat 2: Keanu Asing (HAW) 14.34, Heitor Alves (BRA) 14.30, Marc
Lacomare (FRA) 13.06, Stuart Kennedy (AUS) 10.77
Heat 3: Reef Heazlewood (AUS) 13.17, Yago Dora (BRA) 11.50, Marco
Giorgi (ARG) 10.14, Mikey Wright (AUS) 8.74
Heat 4: Ramzi Boukhaim (MOR) 13.86, Adriano De Souza (BRA) 13.83,
Alex Ribeiro (BRA) 12.13, Mateus Herdy (BRA) 11.64
Heat 5: Kolohe Andino (USA) 12.63, Dion Atkinson (AUS) 11.63, Vasco
Ribeiro (PRT) 11.37, Tomas King (CRI) 8.90
Heat 6: David Van Zyl (ZAF) 14.13, Jesse Mendes (BRA) 12.56, Josh
Kerr (AUS) 12.80, Wyatt McHale (HAW) 10.50
Heat 7: Tanner Gudauskas (USA) 13.23, Lucca Mesinas (PER) 12.96,
Wiggolly Dantas (BRA) 8.70, Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 8.70
Heat 8: Joshua Moniz (HAW) 14.57, Griffin Colapinto (USA) 14.23,
Barron Mamiya (HAW) 11.74, Oney Onwar (IDN) 9.30
Upcoming Vans US Open of Surfing Men’s QS Round 2
(H9-24) Matchups:
Heat 9: Frederico Morais (PRT), Deivid Silva (BRA), Victor Bernardo
(BRA), Joh Azuchi (JPN)
Heat 10: Ezekiel Lau (HAW), Jorgann Couzinet (FRA), Noe Mar
McGonagle (CRI), Mitch Crews (AUS)
Heat 11: Ian Gouveia (BRA), Miguel Pupo (BRA), Rafael Teixeira
(BRA), Cam Richards (USA)
Heat 12: Luel Felipe (BRA), Bino Lopes (BRA), Thiago Camarao (BRA),
Finn McGill (HAW)
Heat 13: Italo Ferreira (BRA), Hiroto Ohhara (JPN), Flavio Nakagima
(BRA), Beyrick De Vries (ZAF)
Heat 14: Joan Duru (FRA), Jadson Andre (BRA), Gony Zubizarreta
(ESP), Hiroto Arai (JPN)
Heat 15: Sebastian Zeitz (HAW), Peterson Crisanto (BRA), Kiron
Jabour (HAW), Tanner Hendrickson (HAW)
Heat 16: Jeremy Flores (FRA), Ricardo Christie (NZL), Charly Martin
(FRA), Mihimana Braye (PYF)
Heat 17: Michael Rodrigues (BRA), Seth Moniz (HAW), Soli Bailey
(AUS), Cody Young (HAW)
Heat 18: Connor O’Leary (AUS), Jack Freestone (AUS), Mitch Coleborn
(AUS), Matt Banting (AUS)
Heat 19: Patrick Gudauskas (USA), Ethan Ewing (AUS), Lucas Silveira
(BRA), Brett Simpson (USA)
Heat 20: Conner Coffin (USA), Maxime Huscenot (FRA), Cooper Chapman
(AUS), Parker Coffin (USA)
Heat 21: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN), Nat Young (USA), Aritz Aranburu
(ESP), Timothee Bisso (FRA)
Heat 22: Tomas Hermes (BRA), Alejo Muniz (BRA), Ian Crane (USA),
Marcos Correa (BRA)
Heat 23: Michael February (ZAF), Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA), Benji
Brand (HAW), Hizunome Bettero (BRA)
Heat 24: Wade Carmichael (AUS), Evan Geiselman (USA), Davey Cathels
(AUS), Kyuss King (AUS)
