What surf lessons would you teach your beautiful gender neutral child?
Good morning from Tisvelde, Denmark and oh hell. Oh damn. I just spoiled my secret beach town and now everyone is going to come and it will be wrecked like Skeleton Bay.
Well, we have bigger mackerel to fry anyhow.
You know that there has been much discussion in both the real world and the surf world about gender. Sexism, misogyny, pay discrepancies etc. These are radically shifting times and very important but in our surf world a certain segment has been left entirely out of the discussion.
The gender neutral.
And how should these young thems navigate?
How should them move through the surf and the surf shop and the surf trip?
These are the lessons I would impart to my own imaginary gender neutral child.
- Surf alone: There are generally more males in the water than females and they are generally rude though females are also generally rude so it is best to ply your craft away from others. More pleasure will come in the solitude.
- Unless attractive: the lineup is a great place to flirt and be flirted with. Lulls between sets etc. provide ample time to start little heart fires and the world will be your oyster.
- Kook is beautifully neutral itself. Neither male nor female. He’s a kook, she’s a kook, they’s a kook. Celebrate.
- The fins of the surfboard point toward the tail, not toward the nose (even though this seems overly binary). These can be confusing waters to wade but help is always close.
- Rip Curl’s male clothing offering seems made for aggressive lesbians by egalitarian North Koreans so may be the best fit, though experiment with all surfwear brands.
- Ride asymmetrical surfboards.
- Stay away from Venice-adjacent late at night. Twin surf websites The Inertia and Stab both employ many incels and they will not be kind nor sympathetic.
- Drink rosé
- Enjoy the delicate pairing of Martin Potter and Joe Turpel who, together, form a perfectly gender neutral soul.
- If able, drive a Tesla with a Tesla/…Lost surfboard strapped to the roof.
There are many more but what would you gift to your beautiful gender neutral child?
What lessons for surf?
Un bon rosé bien frais, is a delightful way to end the day . Worked at a wonderful seafood restaurant in France and people were rolling in the aisles after muscles and litres of rosé .That shit ain’t ever going to go out of fashion in summertime France .
I have a pimple up my nose.
I see you are practitioner of Saongaf.
the “subtle art of not giving a fuck”
Luckily im impervious to will.
I admire your willpower?
For fuck’s sake, if you’re going to change your name, make it something cooler than Westerly.
South-westerly?
Nor West
Nor nor West
Neither neither nor West
Neither nor neither West
Light and variable
Right? Just when I thought I had a handle on things.
Baiju!
Those who take on the stay at home “Mommy Daddy” role do have to consider the effect on their kids gender identity development because it’s already happened.
Nice introspection Chas, anyone else out there filling the parenting role at home while the wife earns the bread?
And if accepting that not surfing (by moving to a surf less country or town to raise kids) is essentially evidence that one is already neutered, what’s the surprise in a societal dynamic of ambiguous identity for those in neutered care?
Bored to death in a waveless country, you would have time to comment on surf blogs all the time though. Some would have time to write about surfing. Some would be relieved to not have surf forecasts, it would be favorable to not have access to surfing and useless information. Calming even. Things I’ve learned reading BG.
11- Fully commit. That shaver can take off more than just hair, go for the genitals. With those parts out of the way you are truly free to be yourself.
After watching Game of Thrones there were 2 happy 1/2 men , Lord Varys and Greyworm the unsullied,and one miserable cockless twat ( the John John lookalike ? ) Theon Greyjoy .
Don’t deep pack the tube. Instead just sort respectfully rub up against it, like Jordy at Pipeline.
I hate myself for loving this post.
My bad, I love myself for hating this post.
Basses covered?
11: No changing-poncho. Let onlookers be as confused as you are.
11: Use a changing-poncho. Let onlookers be as confused as you are.
how about over exaggerated long board “manuvers” such as soul arching arm flailing baby cross step(it doesnt take ten fucking steps to get to the nose.
Over exaggerated soul arches are hilarious – “got a crick in my back”
Only surf going left.
How dare you disrespect Matt Warshaw…
Am I even more of a kook for being goofy? I certainly don’t push mongo.
Can’t forget the gender neutral surfboards!
Anything with black rails or a dip.
Would you consider an “eco-board” as gender neutral?
I’m sure Hayden has an Asexual and a Bisexual coming soon.
oh, and Firewire coz they don’t give a fuck who they sell to.
I’m going to buy one of those sexy Ripcurl chick wetsuits and let each of my gonads swim outside my suit.
They’ll get stuck in the wax, Wiggs.
You’ll incel yourself first wave. Not a good idea. imnsho
They need a bit of a spruce up anyway. I’ve always wondered whether girls prefer the plucked chicken look.
Well, that’s fair enough. Yea, I’ve often wondered myself.
Those guys in the hornos must spend hours with tweezers, no stragglers.
That’s dedication.
Slap on the Nair and feel the burn.
[Googs Nair]
“The danger in using depilatories like Nair is that, in addition to dissolving hair, the chemicals they contain affect the skin’s top epidermal layer. … Now, if you’ve used Nair successfully on the rest of your body, the chances are good that you can apply it to your testicles safely.Jan 15, 2008”
Back , sack and crack wax ,essential for lovers of Mardi Gras.
Hang of the ceiling and watch those disco balls light up the dance floor !
Hater is gona hate
Yea but he’ll look like a prize prick in the suit.
This is an amazing visual. Such a way with words. Bravo.
Frogs eyes.
nothing to add, but 5 made me snort coffee all over an old computer.
right there with you