Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange as Chas Smith is headed for jail. Help!
Benedict Cumberbatch as Julian Assange as Chas Smith is headed for jail. Help!

Help: Tell me where to hide!

Rip Curl is coming after me! I need advice!

When I’m out on my veranda and the sun is setting, casting a luscious light that filters through palm and jacaranda, I feel like I’m Julian Assange. The founder of WikiLeaks with his luxurious head of blonde(?) hair and website that publishes the deepest darkest secrets of the political world is currently holed up in London’s Ecuadorian embassy and don’t you imagine they have palm and jacaranda there? Don’t you feel he is very pleased with himself?

I am very pleased with myself when I publish Focus Group Creates Surf Brand. Names it Vissla and Rebellion: Rip Curl is Boring and Dull and Surf Ethics: Outing Mick’s Wave! because I am publishing the deepest darkest secrets of the surf world and currently holed up in San Diego’s Cardiff-by-the-Sea.

Same same.

But word just came down that the United States of America is set to oust Assange from his Cardiff-by-the-Sea and arrest him.

Oh shit!

Do you think Rip Curl will try and do that to me?

If they do where should I go next?

a) Hurley’s Costa Mesa office complex

b) Nigeria

c) Dave Prodan’s World Surf League Santa Monica office

d) A shark’s mouth in Reunion Island

e) Negatron’s New Zealand love retreat

f) Jamie O’Brien’s house (again)

g) Under the World Surf League coffee table

h) Mexico

i) Between Morgan Williamson’s adjectives

j) Where Martin Potter stores his enthusiasm

k) Torquay

l) The Billabong boardshort aisle at Jack’s surfshop in Huntington

m) Surfer magazine’s “subscriber” numbers

Help!

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nyc surfing golden boy
nyc surfing golden boy
9 years ago

please fill me in, whats going on with rip curl? i thought they were less evil than their counterparts, billa and quik. but had less market share. fuck i dunno. kinda liked their suits compared to the others as well. i like oneill the best probably

Ami Lost
Ami Lost
9 years ago

n) Go to work with the Mrs.

Wasserman offices are scary to surf brands. Ask Miky Picone.

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago

North Korea. Rip Curl doesn’t seem to have any idea of what happens there

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
9 years ago

As luck would have it I’m currently at one of my NZ love retreats… If The Curl send you here I’d advise you to steer clear of the 750ml 7.2% kingfisher strong lagers freely available at the Indian restaurant… or else you’ll be commenting on BeachGrit instead of indulging in “love retreat” activities like a certain someone.

longtom
longtom
9 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

drunk commenting from Inzid….sounds like a plan. Is there space on the couch?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
9 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve had to explain to my girl that a man Ive never met before, who I know via the internet is coming to stay in the outhouse…

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
9 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Is there room for me and Longtom to snuggle?

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
9 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

The outhouse has a bunks and a double bed… so yes, very cosy!

Frontwards Fin Frank
Frontwards Fin Frank
9 years ago

Nah. Just hide out inside Seaside Market among the rest of the pretentious and judgemental Cardiff / Enci yuppies. Maybe the Rip Curl CIA will eventually be priced out of the region.

Neah Kah Nie Pirate
Neah Kah Nie Pirate
9 years ago

I thought you went to Hell? Why would you ever leave there…

Tom
Tom
9 years ago

Maybe with Turpel!! Where was he at Bells? Missed his nasal drone

Frontwards Fin Frank
Frontwards Fin Frank
9 years ago
Reply to  Tom

I missed the high pitch inflection on: “Kyyye-O Ibelli…”

Lorlac
Lorlac
9 years ago

Back to 2014 BG when there was no comments

Goodbye Horses
Goodbye Horses
9 years ago

Rip Curl used to be way more edgy;
“Rip Curl actually had a rubber fetishist working for them. One day the workers found him pleasuring himself amongst the new rubber delivery—which was soon to be cut and made into wetsuits. He showed up at the house looking for me after the Aussie humorists at Rip Curl told him that the mag wanted to interview him. I think I laughed.” —Jeff Divine recalling a trip to Bells in 1976.
https://www.instagram.com/p…

Karl Von Fanningstadt
Karl Von Fanningstadt
9 years ago

The Gap of St. Martin of Blyth….
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

J H
J H
9 years ago

JOB’s house is under construction so that’s not an option.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
9 years ago
Reply to  J H

JH. BeachGrit’s no 1 stalker.

Lemmy
Lemmy
9 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

no he’s actually friends with every pro surfer

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  Lemmy

Yeah…but do they know that they are friends with me?

Lemmy
Lemmy
9 years ago
Reply to  J H

nope

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  Lemmy

Definitely their loss.

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
9 years ago
Reply to  Lemmy

I guess Im still alittle upset he didn’t offer you a meal out while you were in his hometown like he did with Chas…

J H
J H
9 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

Ha! I was in Hawaii in February and thought I was lost for a second when I realized that his old house was gone and they were building a new one. And the new house looks nice so I guess “Who is JOB” and surfboard flashlights are paying well.


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