Shop Rolling Death Maui and end the tyranny of surf industry conservatism!
I had the pleasure of chatting with one of the greatest surf journalists of all time the other day. Brad Melekian pulled apart the Andy Irons story in those early days, crafting the only two pieces on the subject that matter. I was the biggest dickhead in the world, in those early days, and repeatedly told him to go to hell and called him a kook from Santa Fe, New Mexico even though I knew he was not from Santa Fe, New Mexico.
In any case, he was kind enough, forgiving enough, to see me and we chatted about the surf industry, surf journalism, surf culture etc. and while I sipped a grape flavored coconut water vodka cocktail he said:
“Surfing is one of the most arch-conservative subcultures in the world. You talk about being risk averse, these guys are really conservative and they don’t know what’s going to happen to their careers if they say the wrong thing, so….”
Oh of course I agree at it kills me every day. How did the surf industry become what it became? So staid, so scared, so… conservative? It makes me angry and this morning I was shuffling around my house angry when a package came. I opened it and pulled the heavy ceramic boob shaka from a bed of styrofoam and was not angry.
I sometime forget that companies like Rolling Death Maui exist and flourish under the dull orthodoxy of Rip Curl. Look at that boob shaka! And if you could only feel it. I think it weighs five pounds. Rolling Death Maui also make Offensive Hawaiian Stereotype pins, Everything Cool Sucks patches, Gary Busey bottle openers etc. etc.
Not conservative. Funny, witty, good.
And then the sun comes out again and I am not angry anymore because there is hope.
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Shoot down the BS
Is this considered spam? We just wanted to shoot the Hollister Bird Logo with a arrow.
Surfing is in the hands of surfers, hence it’s demise. Your photoshop skills are fucking terrible. Why is the arrow in front of the D and not shooting through the D?
Yes, we are fucking terrible at photoshop. We didn’t realize anyone from the Photoshop Police was protecting BG. Now we know.
Haha
Rip Curl has become an incredibly successful clothier for all off-duty first responders in Southern California.
A hefty-boned lady from my distant past dropped by, uninvited, and before I could flick off the lights and feign absence, she let herself in without even a courtesy knock. She was always an angry and foul mouthed woman; the kind who’d fit right in on the set of Oprah (‘yon days before she bought New Zealand).
After catching up on which penitentiary her future ex was serving at, she started in on how terrible the job was, the virulent weather and her battles with depression and halitosis. My thoughts wandered as she spewed and I feigned interest, noting her immense girth and remembering how annoying her non-stop spittle was. I tilted my head occasionally and observed that, without missing a beat, she was tearing open the box of Wheat Thins I had neglected, unprotected and vulnerable, on the table. On and on she went, gobbling fistfuls of Wheat Thins between which lawyer took her money, broken laundry lines and her latest existential crisis.
For a giggle, I mentioned that I’d just finished some undercover work for the Finnish Intelligence Agency, and was considering a fourth round of anal Botox. She paused briefly, sniffed the hazy air, then asked if I had anything to put on her crackers. I smiled and wondered how Nitromethane might work as a condiment.
Thankfully, she noticed the time and bounded out the house, warbling something about picking up her kids. For a few terrifying moments it sounded as though her car wouldn’t start, but by the grace of Laird, it sputtered to life and she careened into the endless dark.
I sat for a long minute, feeling used and despondent, brushing crumbs of a once-full box into the trash.
The point, I suppose, is that the tin of sardines and mint jelly left on the table were now utterly useless.
How’d the first three rounds work?
Everybody’s conservative.
But you’re not.
wel I’m just eccentric.
I’m confused…is that one of those things with a hole for your love stick or something?
I used to read Brad Melekian articles and want to punch him, I’d get so angry. He’d even qualified his qualifiers. What the fuck is Hemingway even for?
How to aim a W & C Scott and Sons side by side shotgun at your head and go out like a pussy
Amazing.
That too
But have you read those Andy pieces? Read them again and they ring even better in the cold light of our present.
Yes, they are excellent. Prior he had engaged in navel-gazing opinio-torials. This was actual journalism. Glad he found his niche.
Question Chas: what tipped your scales away from the lock-lipped bro-down?
thats what I always wanted to know
Not much surf journalism is necessary. What Brad did at that time was necessary. In a moment when everyone in surfing was either grief-stricken, terrified or just shellshocked, he got the classic journo’s bee in his bonnet and flushed out a lot of what actually happened. He also underwent a fair bit of the classic journo’s fate in the process (death threats etc). Brad’s efforts then meant a lot of people had to stop lying to the world and themselves. Not everyone of course but a lot of people. Hemingway, huh! What did he write about grace under pressure?
You will enjoy your rip curl logo’ed earth tone slim fit tee and over priced hyper flex board shorts and STFU.
Sorry. You’re right. I’m done now.