Just in: I’ve Found My Nemesis!

It's only a Bloodfeud(!) if he fights back!

Normally I’d not criticize another surf writer, at least not publicly.

I’m not a strong enough wordsmith to do such a thing, nor do I like hurting people’s feelings unnecessarily. Hell, I never even laid into Tellkamp for his petulant outburst. But desperate times call for desperate measures.

Let me introduce you to my nemesis Morgan. No, it’s not Williamson. My antagonist hails from family Dunn and makes the Stab bloke look like Hemingway.

I hadn’t heard of Morgan before today when an Inertia piece, “I’m So Completely Sick of Airs”, came across my feed. It was accompanied by the following picture and subtext…

The thing I love most about surfing is the connection I feel with the wave. Not the air.

Morgan is not the hi-pro logger busting a double grab wheelie. If only he were so tolerable.

Let’s hear what Mr. Dunn has to say about aerials:

I’m only 33 years old, but one thing makes me feel like a grumpy old man: airs. Look, when John John Florence or Filipe Toledo does an out-of-this-world air, I can appreciate it and be impressed by it, but I still don’t really like it.

Ok, kinda weird but.. ok.

It’s starting to feel like some guys finish every other wave with an air reverse. How is it still impressive at that point?

How is it not more impressive than a floater or half-layback?

I see kids of all ages trying to pull off airs constantly, and I have yet to see a single one landed. They’d be better served working on their bottom turn, the unsung hero of surfing, but it’s simply not flashy enough. It’s not enough to surf like Ace Buchan anymore. Airs work better for Instagram.

You’ve.. never seen a kid land an air? Also bottom turns have been called an “unsung hero” for so long and by so many people that they’ve become just the hero. And yeah, Ace is 24th on the CT right now so.. good point.

I catch myself shaking my head when I see guys attempting airs when they have no business doing so. I have come to despise the hotdog mentality in a sense, and airs feel like the ultimate hotdog move these days. Throw some toes on the nose, though, and I’m out there hooting for you.

Progression is bad, and wiggling your toes over the edge of a plank is NOT hotdogging. Got it.

Now someone might read this and scream jealousy, but that is simply not the case. The one thing I love most about surfing is the connection I feel with the wave. Why would I ever want to leave it to take to the air? I don’t want to leave that wave until it’s absolutely necessary. I don’t think I’d ever leave it if that were an option.

This is precious, if strangely sexual. But one question, Morgan: have you ever, in your life, come anywhere close to completing an air? Let’s read his Inertia bio for more info on the matter:

Morgan grew up in New York and moved to Southern California in his mid-20s, swearing off the frigid winters of his childhood. Low on funds, he drove west for the promise of warmer pastures and has called the region home ever since. During that first summer Morgan discovered a love for surfing on a beat-up, borrowed longboard despite the Pacific’s seemingly endless attempts to drown him. He now surfs as much as he can, and writes about it.

So you started surfing in your mid-20s and are now 33? Yeah, you’ve definitely never done an air.

Which makes your article the equivalent of me telling tall guys not to dunk anymore. They do it every time, how is that even impressive! I prefer a high, arching hook-shot from the key because of its historical significance and also that’s all I can do.

If you want to read more from Morgan, catch him on Twitter at @soularching. No really, that’s his handle! To be fair my email starts with wishingforwaves and ends with AOL but I made that account when I was 12 and his Twitter was born in 2016.

Ok, I feel better now!