It's like crowdfunding without the money!
The World Surf League commentator with the biggest upside is one Kaipo Guerrero. He is the only one to have dated Madonna. He is the only one Hawaiian. And let us be very clear here. Ron Blakey is a handsome noodle. Joey Turps is trying as hard as he can. Pete Mel wishes he had Just Said No (to the WSL when they came calling). Strider lives in an architectural masterpiece in Malibu and doesn’t need this shit. Pottz has late stage Alzheimers and can’t remember yesterday let alone when he was a rock n’ roller with one foot on the gas pedal and the other out your girlfriend’s door.
Bt Kaipo Guerrero. There is potential! There is a future!
And today he reached out on Facebook asking for your help.
Hi FB friends, I need your help. Can you share with me any surfing verbs, nouns or adjectives you can think of along with a brief description. Trying to load more vocabulary in my mind before next WSL event in Rio. Mahalo.
So? I know you may not be his FB friend but you can still help. What should Kaipo say in Rio. This is your chance, armchair quarterback, to almost step behind the mic and shine! Write your suggestions in the comment section and I’ll pass them along!
Do you have what it takes? Help our Kaipo now! It’s like crowdfunding without the money!
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yeah yeah yeah, but what happened to Joey Turpel?
Visor’s gone limp without him.
just schralp, cut-down, and foam-climb
Kaipo needs to go back and watch all of the PSAA broadcasts from back in the days. “If speed kills this guy is dead!” “He is breaking the speed limit of the Pacific Ocean!”
And even better now we have more B. Taylor to ‘compare’ him with…
Aka.. hey fans do you have any material we can steal?
deranged, demented, nasty, crazed, psychopathic, batshit.
Or more appropriately; labored, hunched, miserable, sad, heartbreaking, agonizing
Potts
“WOWW”
Kaipo
“There was somethin WEIRDLY AGGRESSIVE bout that top turn right there, whatta you think Potts(& pans).
Potts
You can say that Kaipo! I remember back in the day………
Fck yeh
He’s hanging in there like a hair in a biscuit.(barrels)
Tighter than a dicks hatband. (Turns)
A cow patty with a wagon wheel mark in the middle. Could also apply to Madonnas vaJJ. (Gouge)
Very few Brazilian’s, and no white guys at all could….. (general)
Better hold fast (airs)
Beat the brakes off (DoubleJohn)
A skid mark of a stop on tour (Rio Pro)
Story topping in general(anything pertaining to Slater)
Kaipo: “I need to have something in the foreground to give it some scale!”
Pete Mel: “Foreground my ass!” (shark talk)
I could go on, but.
He should bring back some of Mike Chamberlain’s Quotes. “He’s like a long tailed cat in a room full of rocking chairs” or “He’s got more moves then Beacons and Mayflower combined.
He should also stick to Madonna references whenever possible. He needs this wave “Like a Prayer”
The sea was angry that day my friends. Like a shave ice vendor when a haole orders a snowcone.
Yes, I fucked Madonna.
Kaipo is da man. He’s obviously the Mason of surf commentating: infectiously sincere and warm spirited.
Blakey’s dry, even tone is appreciated.
Strider is the necessary Spicoli-inflected goon.
The rest of the positions should be held by women. Preferably Brazilian. In the spirit of equity..
He ripped the top off that one sending spray flying to the heavens.
Like a sailor on shore leave for the first time in six months, he blew the back out of that one.
There goes John-John, cranking himself all the way down the sandbank.
This is funny, if also cruel. In Kaipo’s defense, its better to be a man of few words like Kaipo rather than the wrong ones like Meth Mel.
Waz used to stumble like Kaipo, but he now seems more dialed in, so there’s good reason for hope.
He stands erect, pulsing through the gaping chasm
This is so goddamn earnest it melts my heart.
right? it’s ridiculously endearing.