Bigger than even allegedly hosting a WQS contest!
I was under the very distinct impression, when Kelly Slater revealed his Surf Ranch in Tulare County, California, that it was a prototype. My ex-wife, you see, is from Tulare County, California and I had to visit that region many times. Many many times. The place stinks of cow shit and depression. The whole place.
It has been forsaken by God and I hate it. And I hate her (read Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell)! But Kelly. There is no way he, the greatest surfer of all-time, and my ex-wife have similar taste. She loves musical theater and crowdfunding. Kelly Slater loves Gisele Bundchen* and tropical barrels. His Wave Ranch was a prototype and he was going to transport his trough-less wonder to Los Angeles. Or Las Vegas. Or somewhere that doesn’t stink of cow shit and depression.
And maybe. But also the Surf Ranch is here to stay. A very very inside source tells me that Kelly Slater, aside from the rumored upcoming WQS event, is planning on “…hosting music concerts and festivals with the surf contests. Sounds similar to the Wave House in San Diego.”
Well awesome.
Fucking ex-wife.
But maybe it is awesome? Maybe people from Visalia and Fresno and Bakersfield and Tulare and Dinuba and Hanford and Corcoran and Earlimart and Lemoore will never ever ever ever go to the beach again because they have Pearl Jam concerts and barrel in their very own backyard?
Thank you, Kelly Slater! I always knew you were a genius!
*I ate dinner right next to Gisele Bunchen’s post-Kelly flame Tom Brady two nights ago. He looks so handsome in person. And so dumb. Kelly and Gisele would have cut a finer figure. How did this never formalize properly?
Don’t forget Slater sold at least half of the ownership in the wave tank to Dirk Ziff aka the WSL. I think that’s where he got the bucks from to buy his new beach pad. I’m guessing Dirk paid him 5 to 7 Mill for the rights to the Wave Tank. This was back when wave tanks were all the rage and newer technology hadn’t been invented yet. Slater is just a part owner in the tank now or is getting paid by Dirk to promote the tank.
Now Dirk Ziff is stuck with some what of an ‘obsolete’ wave tank that can’t pump out a lot of waves like the newer technology wave tanks. What’s he going to do?
I drove past Tulare and Lemoore this weekend on the way back to LA. It does indeed stink of depression and abandonment.
Fuckin’ Fresno.
I avoid wasting time hating on my ex wife by celebrating the fact we broke up, allowing me to meet my very beautiful and clever current wife. Oh the old one was a complete fucking bitch, but happiness is such a sweet pay back.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Continuing on with how to make surfing un-cool again, which bands to select? Bieber. Nickelback?
How about running the WQS side by side with the Nickelodeon Music Awards?
The 2018 Teen’s Choice Awards live from Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, CA! Featuring musical guests Pitbull, Ariana Grande, and a special performance by Creed. For a chance to win a golden ticket, all golden tickets will be hidden exclusively in SlaterDesigns algae traction pad packaging!
We’re on the same wavelength I think Tronald. Let’s make surfing un-cool and the Inertians will migrate somewhere else
Surfing seems to be doing a fine job on its own becoming un-cool. Isn’t the Grit the greatest place to congregate and watch it all unfold?
How about combining them: Biebelback?
Or getting Chris Rea and Dire Straits to work together?
Biebelback would be dire indeed
If i’m not mistaken, Wavehouse just announced recently they’ve closed their doors because they weren’t able to renew/secure their insurance. Seems like a good platform to model your business after though, in the middle of nowhere, California.
Chas….Kelly a genius cuz he not with her….facial structure like a man. Now Bar….a diff story.
Your speak-write skills….yes.
the “many, many”; “very, very”; and “never, ever, ever, ever”.
this was the first image that came to mind of Chas talking to his ex-wife
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Jesus christ kelly.
Gisele wanted to avoid professional receding hairline midget babies.
Well, if that is the case she so smart. Being a professional receding hairline is a heavy heavy burden.
also an inspirational target for amateur receding hairlines to aspire to.
It’s very hard to get off the WARHQS and make it into the top 32 on the WRHL. Most don’t make it.