Australian Olympic surfing team accidentally reveals strategic secrets!
I am starting to get really worried about the United States Olympic surf team’s chances in the upcoming 2020 Tokyo games even though I totally don’t care at all. Like, do we even have a coach yet? Do we even have a committee? I totally don’t care at all but do we have a selection process or what?
I really totally don’t care but at this rate we are going to get smashed by all the countries. China has Pete “PT” Townend as its coach and I think the team is training in Huntington Beach. Australia has The Venerable Bede n Mick as its coaches and now apparently Layne Beachley, 7 x world champion, is involved at the highest levels.
But wait. She just gave an interview to the Australian press and revealed some secrets. Let’s read together and then make a game plan ok?
Australia’s most successful surfer Layne Beachley says Australia can be the most successful nation when the sport of surfing makes its Olympic debut in Tokyo.
But who those surfers will be even Beachley won’t predict three years out from the Games — just the type of talent they need to have.
“Someone who can surf in marginal conditions,” Beachley said. “It is not expected to be epic.”
The former seven-time world champion is involved at a high level with the sport and is the current chair of Surfing Australia.
Part of her role has her overseeing and monitoring both the sport and Australia’s preparations for the Games in Tokyo.
Hold on. Go back go back go back. “Someone who can surf in marginal conditions…” “It is not expected to be epic.”
Soooo VB n Mick are looking for marginal surfers. A brilliant strategy and I think we have plenty of those here. Who should we pick? Let’s leave John John at home. He is too good and won’t understand how to milk a gutless 1 foot wave like…. well, like me.
So I’ll be on the Olympic team, even though I’ll be rolling my eyes and very clearly super totally not caring the entire time but who else? Are you an American? Do you surf bad waves regularly? Want to go to Tokyo in a couple years?
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My “Peoples Voice Echoes” Bobby and Gerlach as twin head coach..
Here’s a three-year-out prediction: neither division of the Olympics will be won by an American or an Australian.
And…and…although the Olympics are inherently funny, if any of youse cunts actually had to surf in ’em, you would actually urinate in fear.
Wait till that other tribe of goddamn nerds get their EA Sports hands on the Olympics. Surfing will be….
https://youtu.be/Q71iNJgAoMo
Did you know that Sophie Goldschmidt is on the advisory board for the British e-sports organization? Shes having a bet each way!
Or actually urinate in fear at the fear of urinalysis.I’ve had in the past cold sweats just thinking about competing in local boardriders events.Can’t imagine the amount of fecal matter running down the leg of the sacrificial lamb sent off to bring back the Golden Fleece.
Looks like Layne has been coaching Lady Gaga. Same arm position. Gaga is the master of (mis) appropriation. Or is it mistress?
Not meant to be epic!!! Fuck me it will want to be, as they will only get one shot!!
If they don’t make it epic it will be back to Parkour and nude lawn bowls to replace surfing – they might be better anyway.
BUT if I am watching Olympics I want to watch different shit than fucking athletics and swimming – which we see all the time. So IOC just put it in the pool and make it best spectacle you can. I’m going back to bed!!
Nude lawn bowls shits all over Olympic surfing.
Not if my 83 year old dad is tossing off the whites for a roll up
Marginal conditions you say? Might I suggest you look to the SUP realm. Is Laird booked for double 20 yet?
Are there any restrictions / rules on the equipment? SUP vs Lost Puddle Jumper vs Foil Bladerunner SUP vs @joeljitsu longboard vs dickdraggers
That’d be frickin entertainment
For all that is holy, we need a Bobby Martinez gold medal interview.
My sources tell me it will be in a pool. The pool has been on the table the whole time. There will also be jousting sticks. Maybe.
Ford Archbold: “Put me in coach. My condition is marginal.”
It’s gonna be marginal conditions? Surfline has come a loooong way since they hijacked a sex phone line back in the 80’s …
Looks like Gaga would make a fine alternate for team Brazil with that stance.
since taj is half-seppo and chances are he won’t make the aussie team, team america should welcome him with open arms.
There is no cause for no alarm! The selection process is underway. It will be the tried and tested drawing straws method. The 4500 highest rated surfers from each country will participate for two spots each. And yes, that’s a lot of fucking straws.
So that explains all the straws in the ocean on the corona ad Ricci Mat
Correct Jimmy B
Well done Micci Rat
Now you’ve crossed the line Brickherfrom
That was the piece de resistance / oeuvre majeure . The artistic juices have dried up . Farewell r I c m a t I c
Farewell, worthy adversary…
I’m thinking Americas hopes and dreams reside on the west coast of Florida. Somewhere south of Tampa a 15 year olds Olympic dreams have been ignited. Marginal Surf is the best surf Japan 2020!!!!!
Evan G and Keanu A . Dream Team for “ not expecting to be epic conditions “ or anyone who can get a result at Huntington Pier besides Akira Karasawa Igarashi ,Huntington’s rising son / sun . Ya still got brother who qualified on the QS 4 times without getting a result in Hawaii if he doesn’t surf for Italy .
I’m ready to bring home the Gold! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Well at least it’s keeping joey burran in aderall for a few years.
Yeah!!! Up vote for laying into Joey Buran. His thumper cult stole my smoking hot girlfriend back in the day, lousy fucking cross humper ….