Alignment: BeachGrit is “Chaotic Evil!”

Surf media explained!

Do you love personality tests/character profiles/internet quizzes as much as I do? I clearly remember the first time I was made aware of Myers-Briggs and thought, “Whoa! A key to my inner potential!” Of course it wasn’t, I have no inner potential, but it is so fun to dream. And it is fun to dream with each new variation that pops up. Like Alignment! Have you heard of this one? It declares:

A creature’s general moral and personal attitudes are represented by its alignment: lawful good, neutral good, chaotic good, lawful neutral, neutral, chaotic neutral, lawful evil, neutral evil, or chaotic evil.

Alignment is a tool for developing your character’s identity. It is not a straitjacket for restricting your character. Each alignment represents a broad range of personality types or personal philosophies, so two characters of the same alignment can still be quite different from each other. In addition, few people are completely consistent.

So far so good. And where does the surf media fit here? Good thing we have friends. A wonderful one sent me this via Instagram yesterday and it has kept me pondering for hours.

And let’s disect!

WSL is Lawful Good:

A lawful good character acts as a good person is expected or required to act. He combines a commitment to oppose evil with the discipline to fight relentlessly. He tells the truth, keeps his word, helps those in need, and speaks out against injustice. A lawful good character hates to see the guilty go unpunished. Lawful good is the best alignment you can be because it combines honor and compassion. Lawful good can be a dangerous alignment when it restricts freedom and criminalizes self-interest.

Surfer is Neutral Good:

A neutral good character does the best that a good person can do. He is devoted to helping others. He works with kings and magistrates but does not feel beholden to them. Neutral good is the best alignment you can be because it means doing what is good without bias for or against order. Neutral good can be a dangerous alignment when it advances mediocrity by limiting the actions of the truly capable.

@kookslams is Chaotic Good:

A chaotic good character acts as his conscience directs him with little regard for what others expect of him. He makes his own way, but he’s kind and benevolent. He believes in goodness and right but has little use for laws and regulations. He hates it when people try to intimidate others and tell them what to do. He follows his own moral compass, which, although good, may not agree with that of society. Chaotic good is the best alignment you can be because it combines a good heart with a free spirit. Chaotic good can be a dangerous alignment when it disrupts the order of society and punishes those who do well for themselves.

The Inertia is Lawful Neutral:

A lawful neutral character acts as law, tradition, or a personal code directs her. Order and organization are paramount to her. She may believe in personal order and live by a code or standard, or she may believe in order for all and favor a strong, organized government. Lawful neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you are reliable and honorable without being a zealot. Lawful neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it seeks to eliminate all freedom, choice, and diversity in society.

Surfline is True Neutral:

A neutral character does what seems to be a good idea. She doesn’t feel strongly one way or the other when it comes to good vs. evil or law vs. chaos. Most neutral characters exhibit a lack of conviction or bias rather than a commitment to neutrality. Such a character thinks of good as better than evil-after all, she would rather have good neighbors and rulers than evil ones. Still, she’s not personally committed to upholding good in any abstract or universal way. Some neutral characters, on the other hand, commit themselves philosophically to neutrality. They see good, evil, law, and chaos as prejudices and dangerous extremes. They advocate the middle way of neutrality as the best, most balanced road in the long run. Neutral is the best alignment you can be because it means you act naturally, without prejudice or compulsion. Neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it represents apathy, indifference, and a lack of conviction.

Surf Splendor is Chaotic Neutral:

A chaotic neutral character follows his whims. He is an individualist first and last. He values his own liberty but doesn’t strive to protect others’ freedom. He avoids authority, resents restrictions, and challenges traditions. A chaotic neutral character does not intentionally disrupt organizations as part of a campaign of anarchy. To do so, he would have to be motivated either by good (and a desire to liberate others) or evil (and a desire to make those different from himself suffer). A chaotic neutral character may be unpredictable, but his behavior is not totally random. He is not as likely to jump off a bridge as to cross it. Chaotic neutral is the best alignment you can be because it represents true freedom from both society’s restrictions and a do-gooder’s zeal. Chaotic neutral can be a dangerous alignment when it seeks to eliminate all authority, harmony, and order in society.

Stab is Lawful Evil:

A lawful evil villain methodically takes what he wants within the limits of his code of conduct without regard for whom it hurts. He cares about tradition, loyalty, and order but not about freedom, dignity, or life. He plays by the rules but without mercy or compassion. He is comfortable in a hierarchy and would like to rule, but is willing to serve. He condemns others not according to their actions but according to race, religion, homeland, or social rank. He is loath to break laws or promises. This reluctance comes partly from his nature and partly because he depends on order to protect himself from those who oppose him on moral grounds. Some lawful evil villains have particular taboos, such as not killing in cold blood (but having underlings do it) or not letting children come to harm (if it can be helped). They imagine that these compunctions put them above unprincipled villains. Some lawful evil people and creatures commit themselves to evil with a zeal like that of a crusader committed to good. Beyond being willing to hurt others for their own ends, they take pleasure in spreading evil as an end unto itself. They may also see doing evil as part of a duty to an evil deity or master. Lawful evil creatures consider their alignment to be the best because it combines honor with a dedicated self-interest. Lawful evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents methodical, intentional, and frequently successful evil.

What Youth is Neutral Evil:

A neutral evil villain does whatever she can get away with. She is out for herself, pure and simple. She sheds no tears for those she kills, whether for profit, sport, or convenience. She has no love of order and holds no illusion that following laws, traditions, or codes would make her any better or more noble. On the other hand, she doesn’t have the restless nature or love of conflict that a chaotic evil villain has. Some neutral evil villains hold up evil as an ideal, committing evil for its own sake. Most often, such villains are devoted to evil deities or secret societies. Neutral evil beings consider their alignment to be the best because they can advance themselves without regard for others. Neutral evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents pure evil without honor and without variation.

BeachGrit is Chaotic Evil:

A chaotic evil character does whatever his greed, hatred, and lust for destruction drive him to do. He is hot-tempered, vicious, arbitrarily violent, and unpredictable. If he is simply out for whatever he can get, he is ruthless and brutal. If he is committed to the spread of evil and chaos, he is even worse. Thankfully, his plans are haphazard, and any groups he joins or forms are poorly organized. Typically, chaotic evil people can be made to work together only by force, and their leader lasts only as long as he can thwart attempts to topple or assassinate him. Chaotic evil is sometimes called “demonic” because demons are the epitome of chaotic evil. Chaotic evil beings believe their alignment is the best because it combines self-interest and pure freedom. Chaotic evil is the most dangerous alignment because it represents the destruction not only of beauty and life but also of the order on which beauty and life depend.

And do you agree? Is this the best summation of surf media? The most accurate? Weigh in! And where do you fall personally? With which outlet do you naturally align?

Tailgate wisdom!

Quiz: Does your surfing reflect your personality?

Is it true? Is your surfing an accurate reflection of who you are?

Yesterday, on the Instagram account @reportsfromhell, which is operated by BeachGrit’s Chas Smith, there appeared the following post.

How u Surf Is who u r.

It’s a good question.

An absorbing aphorism revealed on the tailgate of a pick-up, not a little unlike, say, the apparitions of the Virgin Mary sixty years ago in Garabandal.

Think: Does your surfing reflect your true personality?

If you’re a little tight in the ass, wound up like hell, does your surfing naturally suffer? Do your turns lack a smooth elegance?

If you’re beautiful and free and ain’t a care in the world, is your surfing looser? Does it make you a throwaway air kinda guy?

If you’re meticulous, do you eat up every single section before safely tagging the end closeout?

If you take a moral view of everything, do you make a mental account of who’s catching what and y’get all worked up if someone bucks the natural order?

Or is the whole concept too damn confronting?

I’m a superficially happy guy masking a lifetime of despair and hopelessness, more sad sack than showman.

And I think it shows.

"As long as you can make it through a couple of rounds, you make a lot of money." says local surfer Rachel Presti (pictured).
"As long as you can make it through a couple of rounds, you make a lot of money." says local surfer Rachel Presti (pictured).

Florida Pro: Women to double men’s money!

It's a feel-good story!

Now if this ain’t a feel good story I don’t know what is. In the very second that businessmen, male politicians, actors, producers are getting felled by the Lincoln Continental-load for being improperly sexually aggressive/generally very rude, a brand-new surf contest in Florida is serving up more than double the prize money to the women over the men. 25k for the men. 55k for the women. The largest purse in U.S. history for a women’s event!

Oh I know that it’s a men’s 1500 and a women’s 6000 but still 55k ain’t nothing to sneeze at. And let’s read a little from Florida Today:

The Florida Pro Surf event will be unusual, in that the women’s prize money will be significantly higher than the men’s prize. The winner of the men’s competition will receive $4,000 to $5,000, with a total prize pool of $25,000.

Fifteen-year-old surfer Rachel Presti of Melbourne Beach says she’s excited about competing in the event.

“This is my home break,” Rachel said as she joined Hobgood and other surfers at Sebastian Inlet on Wednesday to film promotional videos for the event and to surf the waves. “It’s a good wave. I surf here almost every day. I think it’s great, because we’re having a huge competition here.”

Rachel, who has been surfing competitively since age 9, says she is looking forward to competing in the Florida Pro Surf event against some of the top competitors in women’s surfing.

“It pushes me to do better,” she said.

And, noting the unusually high prize purse for a women’s event, she added: “As long as you can make it through a couple of rounds, you make a lot of money.”

Do you want to know who is surfing in the men’s side? CJ Hobgood and Cory Lopez! Between that and women getting rich I think I want to go to the Florida Pro. I think it might be the best surf contest ever.

You ever see anything as pretty?

Watch: “Jack Robinson x Rabbits”

Luscious and high contrast!

Jack Robinson is the boy with the bouffant hairdo who, as one surf agent told me recently, was the last of the great speculative buys.

Do you remember three years ago when Billabong shovelled their last shekels at Jack to steal him away from Quiksilver, back when they were separate companies and not part of the same American hedge fund? Billabong’s Gordon Merchant described Jack as a “once-in-a-generation” talent and got the kid on a five-year deal.

The following Hawaiian winter Jack, then seventeen, beat Jamie O and Mason Ho to win the Pipeline trials. And it wasn’t small.

Anyway, even though Jack’s career trajectory hasn’t gone exactly to plan since  any sort of vision of his surfing features elegant, painterly lines.

In the (very) short below, we see Jack at Rabbits (is it okay to name Rabs now? Does Taj know) by the Western Australian-based filmer Azure Co.

Worth a little contemplation.

You liked? This ain’t bad either

Painstakingly constructed manifesto strapped to tree.

Angry Locals reveal “Mungrel” Law!

Are you a local? What makes you furious?

A small beach community on Australia’s east coast has taken a stand against outsiders with a heroically confrontational warning sign nailed, anonymously, onto a tree.

Sawtell, which is just south of Coffs Harbour and five hundred clicks north of Sydney, is a real pretty joint. Warm water. Agreeable weather. Gets good waves sometimes. It ain’t going to make your toes curl, but fun enough to belt along to.

And, like the rest of the north coast, the secret’s out. Escape Sydney. Buy a house cheap. Source a reputable supply of weed. Sit back. Inhale. An easy life.

Recently, a sign appeared offering advice to anyone who might consider themselves, maybe, and after twenty years, a local, and to those who get their kicks from stand-up paddle machines.

Let’s read Sawtell’s “Mungrel Law.”

  1. If you have moved to this , what was once a quiet coastal village after 1996, you are not a LOCAL. Show RESPECT and practise surfing ETIQUETTE. So we all get along.
  2. If you are teaching your kids to surf, great, but do it away from the IMPACT ZONE, to prevent any ACCIDENTS.
  3. If you SU, ride your craft away from crowds. Your craft is DANGEROUS and can cause SERIOUS INJURY.

I never know what to make of these sorts of pronouncements.

Oh the sentiment is fine enough, SUPS were designed by an evil genius and they’re dangerous and so forth, and anyone who has their roots in a town does deserve, I think, first bite on any waves.

Getting fussy about kids learning to surf? A little hysterical.

And I ain’t real big on the dramatic use of capital letters. It makes me think of a man in a frightening trance, all spooky-eyed, suddenly screaming.

Do you like these sorta things? These lines drawn in the sand?

Like this.

Teahupoo sign

Or this?


Or do they remind you of the notes that litter the walls in communal kitchens?