Our brave new world scares me!
Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch has really thrown my whole world off kilter. I think about it every day, pondering its broader meaning, wondering how it will change our future, examining each new clip to see if each new invited star surfs it better/differently than the stars that preceded him or her. Like, did you see Shane Dorian’s latest? I think his is the best yet but do you think this is peak pool performance right here? PPP?
https://www.instagram.com/p/BbNEy2sDDs0/?taken-by=beach_grit
Also is river surfing now surfing? It all used to be so easy to define. Surfing was done in the ocean. Everything else was funny and maybe fun but not surfing.
But now we have surfing 100 miles from the beach and does this mean it’s all surfing? One big weird tent featuring this:
And this:
And even this:
Please tell me no. But also please tell me how I can continue to exclude everyone. Give me the secret to opening Pandora’s Box and shoving Zach Weisberg (pictured) back in.
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Im going to delete your comments, This FUCK YOU business just kills conversation and spreads like cancer, next minute thats all people are saying. Just words, no context or content.
You’ve obviously got something to say so I suggest you say it without being a dickhead.
Maybe email Derek or Chas if you want a bigger platform, no promises but looks like you’re up to something of interest.
No problem at all brother but fuck me now I forgot what I was talking about. Oh well fuck it.
Oh wait..
With 80K dams in the USA why in the hell would we be building colorinated monstrosities in draught ridden locales? Rhetorical question. Because the surf industry is super proud of their average sized penises that far exceed their intellects. River surfing wouldn’t be such a joke if the waves were perfect. Well I can’t say that to sure, look at ocean surfing.
Surfing is great but would be much better if 99% of the participants quit and started rollerblading.
Fuck it.
If that middle one in the first pic is Pandora then I say absolutely.
We call it ” bathing fun ” not surfing. I can speak for most of the Eisbach locals. Does that answer your question?
WSL judges are all for this progression.. so i think
Thanks so much for sharing the stoke of river surfing! The community has been growing massively in the last 2-3 years and river waves are getting better every time a new is being built. Check out the latest videos on river surfing and connect with the community at riverbreak.com ALOHA! This is the future of surfing!
He/She’s not joking!
http://riverbreak.com/video…
Thanks Harry, not joking at all! There are proven design concepts out there that can help create barreling (!) river waves. Not barreling but check out Bryan Iguchi and Cam Fitzpatrick tearing it up in the Snake River. MASSIVE! Here’s the link to the video: http://riverbreak.com/video…
what is that barreling tech?
These PNW river surfer guys show up at my local from time to time and they are decent enough dudes. Odd skills sets in that in some aspects of ocean surfing they are quite good and pretty novice in others. For the most part they’re clued in enough to our sport to stay out of the way, and generally they don’t paddle great and don’t quite get the finer points of positioning so not really impacting the line up. They show up 6 at a time yes, but way better than 6 Canadians (who are essentially cold-water Brazzos), so yeah, could be worse.
No. Christ, what other sport humiliates itself in this fashion.
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Kelly’s wave dancing machine didn’t ruin surfing, he just exceleratted the downfall by 20 years.
This might be the most politically incorrect thing ever said. Blame Gerry.
“As pure as it gets.” The cognitive dissonance is ringing in my head still.
It is in fact all surfing and that’s why surfing is gay now.
does that mean , rainbow surfboards with matching wetsuits or that gay is now accepted in all surf venues?
One big faggity free for all…
What’s the German phrase for, “Fuck off kook”? Might come in handy one day.
Anschluss?
No shit Nik Karol I was just in Munich this summer and this one very Aryan looking river surfer kid would very selectively do snaps that drenched only the obviously Muslim onlookers who ventured to the side of the river. How’s that for fuck off kook? And in the USA there is a LOT of river surfing in Idaho, and a lot of white supremacists too. Coincidence? I think not.
I had no idea River Surfing was so racist! I wonder if they’ll flock to the pools and wave their swastikas?
I think they don’t like the ocean because the water in it also touches counties full of inferior races. Rivers originate in the pure white mountains and and touch nary a person of color until they flow down to India or what have you. So yes, expect Kelly’s next pool to have a Nurenberg Rally motif.
Kelly is part Lebanese so I’m not so sure he’s down on the brown or black man.
I’d like to include those frauleins.
Man, that Dan bilzerian is such a choad. I saw him in Kaua`i in the grocery store and he was pretty friendly, but I asked if I could come party with all those chicks he has on insta and he said he was getting married? What a choad.
Chode*? Like wider than is long penis?
River surfing is closer to canoeing, and deserves to be immortalized with its own novel akin to “Deliverance”.