Tragedy: Lowers cut from tour!
by Chas Smith
The Hurley Pro is no longer. But who is to blame?
My heart broke today when it was revealed that the Hurley Pro will no longer be on the World Surf League’s schedule. It broke for you, it broke for me, it broke for we, the people. The hard working, salt-of-the-earth, sunburned-yet-undaunted, professional-surf-loving people.
You, of course, recall my revelation a few short months ago whilst standing on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone. I was there, just ready to dip under the VIP canopy where chicken ceasar wraps and Kettle chips lined the finest pressboard tables, where Michelob Ultra was served by the magnum, when a still, small voice whispered to my soul.
“Forgo the luxurious things for in fine-ish spun linens and laminated lanyards and exclusively colored wristbands you will find no respite. No matter how many gently flavored waters you drink, no matter how many high-ish end granola bars you eat. Get thee to the people, standing, watching, in the sun, in the hot-as-hell sun. Feel their heartbeat. Carry their burdens and you will find meaning.”
I heeded the call, much to my own surprise, and stood near a trashcan filled with watermelon husks and Africanized bees, sand uncomfortably in Louis Vuitton drivers, in the sun, but it all made sense. The people are the reason for this professional surfing life. The people are the reason I slave over a Bluetooth keyboard (having drowned my regular keyboard in Booker’s Kentucky Straight). The people are all that matter and Lower Trestles is the perfect place for them since they can park for free in some far-flung San Clemente neighborhood, walk to Carl’s Jr. and get the Famous Star meal deal, then walk to Lowers to stand watching professional surfing and fill their hearts with Gabriel Medina all for the cost of a Famous Star meal deal.
The Hurley Pro was the people’s contest. It was for us and now it is no more. Cut. Fired. Laid off. Replaced by a wave tank so elite not even Tesla’s Elon Musk nor Apple’s Steve Jobs has ever surfed it. The very embodiment of riche. The very definition of robotization.
But who is to blame? Who will feel the wrath of the people’s ire?
I need more time here but don’t worry. I am your Cesar Chavez. I am your Nelson Mandela. I am your Dalai Lama. I will get to the bottom of this so we can protest n shit.
Viva la people!