The Hurley Pro is no longer. But who is to blame?
My heart broke today when it was revealed that the Hurley Pro will no longer be on the World Surf League’s schedule. It broke for you, it broke for me, it broke for we, the people. The hard working, salt-of-the-earth, sunburned-yet-undaunted, professional-surf-loving people.
You, of course, recall my revelation a few short months ago whilst standing on Lower Trestles’ cobbled stone. I was there, just ready to dip under the VIP canopy where chicken ceasar wraps and Kettle chips lined the finest pressboard tables, where Michelob Ultra was served by the magnum, when a still, small voice whispered to my soul.
“Forgo the luxurious things for in fine-ish spun linens and laminated lanyards and exclusively colored wristbands you will find no respite. No matter how many gently flavored waters you drink, no matter how many high-ish end granola bars you eat. Get thee to the people, standing, watching, in the sun, in the hot-as-hell sun. Feel their heartbeat. Carry their burdens and you will find meaning.”
I heeded the call, much to my own surprise, and stood near a trashcan filled with watermelon husks and Africanized bees, sand uncomfortably in Louis Vuitton drivers, in the sun, but it all made sense. The people are the reason for this professional surfing life. The people are the reason I slave over a Bluetooth keyboard (having drowned my regular keyboard in Booker’s Kentucky Straight). The people are all that matter and Lower Trestles is the perfect place for them since they can park for free in some far-flung San Clemente neighborhood, walk to Carl’s Jr. and get the Famous Star meal deal, then walk to Lowers to stand watching professional surfing and fill their hearts with Gabriel Medina all for the cost of a Famous Star meal deal.
The Hurley Pro was the people’s contest. It was for us and now it is no more. Cut. Fired. Laid off. Replaced by a wave tank so elite not even Tesla’s Elon Musk nor Apple’s Steve Jobs has ever surfed it. The very embodiment of riche. The very definition of robotization.
But who is to blame? Who will feel the wrath of the people’s ire?
I need more time here but don’t worry. I am your Cesar Chavez. I am your Nelson Mandela. I am your Dalai Lama. I will get to the bottom of this so we can protest n shit.
Viva la people!
Trestles it is a longboard wave.
Technically, a “magnum” of Michelob Ultra is called a “Fanning.”
The pool event is going to suck. No priority, no paddle battles, no accounting for wave selection, no buzzer beater unexpected set waves. How are they gonna spice it up? Have Eddie Vedder singing a live soundtrack?
At least he’s still got his most hated wave to visit during Easter!
Mr Chas. You should read the comments people left on today’s post regarding the Surf Ranch being a WCT stop.
Chas, we are going to need more than a Chavez/Mandela/Lama hybrid. You need to be our Theodore Kaczynski.
Now Felipe just has to use his throw-aways at Pipe and Chopes and he is the unofficial 3ft wave world champ.
So Hurley are going to remove their logo from beside the train tracks and stick it on the side of that fucking ugly train carriage that runs down the side of the pool in Lemoore? Follow the money trail Chas!
there will be a trump tower at each Surf Ranch , very calculated!
what a shame. I enjoyed watching kelly attempt 90’s style airs.
WSL could not return to the cobble stoned shores where it’s mighty Michelob Ultra satiated forces had met such defeat at the hands and loafered soles of Chas. The press will be in a controlled environment at Lemoore subject to the whims of the WSL. The People may have tasted victory at Trestles, but Ziff just showed the People who still rules the empire.
I think it prudent we thoroughly plan Chas’ insertion into Lemoore. PornHub’d up with a gaggle of scantily clad femme fatales. Don’t think Ziff won’t make this painful for the People’s leader.
I think our fearless and beerless (Bookers Kentucky kinda guy!) leader has already been wounded and suffers from a painful , ah , wound ….what he didn’t tell you about Lowers is its a fucken hot dirty dust bowl for the people , but now L’amour rules the USA roost power to the…….L’amourions?
I know all about Trestles and its dust bowls. In a previous life I met death there.
Toll Road. Nuclear Waste dump. Dumped by the WSL. Can’t catch a break.
there’s even an intertia sticker in the porta-john. 👀
Maybe to help get things moving along…
ha