The Great “Anonymous Troll” Lie!

Stab magazine is a piece of shit!*

Even though this nugget has been mined from a vein of which you are no doubt tired, I think it is important to discuss. At some point, near the end of our conversation, Stab magazine’s Ashton Goggans claimed that the editorial staff decide to turn comments off on certain stories to protect individuals/brands from “anonymous trolls” spewing vile garbage. I checked him at the time but should have maybe choked him out for emphasis.

I don’t believe the “anonymous troll” exists anymore, you see, or at least not where the platform Disqus is used. Sure the avatars and handles may not be a one-to-one reflection of the owner but neither are they altogether detached. Everyone’s comments, I feel, are a rough proximation of what he or she feels in real life. The more one comments, the more the comments reflect reality. The bar for entry is relatively high (having or creating a working email account etc.) and even though many of Stab twelve full-time employees on two continents created one-time only Disqus accounts to support Ashton Goggans post-debate, this phenomenon is entirely rare.

Tossing out the “anonymous troll” line feels to me like using cliches that are neither true nor relevant. Like “money can’t buy happiness” or “the early bird gets the worm.” It also feels completely demeaning and paternalistic.

But maybe I’m wrong.

How much do your comments here, or there, reflect the way you really feel? How much of what you write would you say in person?

*I wrote it. I believe it.

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Robinhood
Robinhood
8 years ago

“Anonymous Troll”

Robinhood
Robinhood
8 years ago

Are you giving me wanking advice again wanker.

Captain Clark
Captain Clark
8 years ago

I’m just as much a douche as I am on here in real life.

Deano
Deano
8 years ago

Chas, I really liked the Stab in the Dark. You have hinted that maybe its not genuine? Please can you explain. If there is corruption in the series I would really like to know, and this seems like the article to ask this question.

Chazz Michael Michaels
Chazz Michael Michaels
8 years ago

That is so him.

Poulet
Poulet
8 years ago

Yeah, I didn’t have a very high opinion of him at the beginning but by the end he was painful to listen to

Wave Wizard
Wave Wizard
8 years ago

Usually when I stumble upon that stupid frog I’m hearing some ridiculous complaint from privileged middle age white guys. So, great choice.

High Roller
High Roller
8 years ago

No worries Mullet. Thanks for taking the time to read it.

Otto
Otto
8 years ago
Reply to  High Roller

Are you Dildo Goggans? Hail from Shiite Shirer?

High Roller
High Roller
8 years ago

Who gives a fuck? The beauty of being in charge of something and not having to answer to anyone, is that you can do whatever the fuck you want! Turning comments on and off would be one of those things.

Here’s an idea, write something intelligent and insightful about surfing! Your colleague Derek does a fairly decent job of doing that, maybe you could take a leaf out of his book.

The majority of what you produce for this website is absolute garbage and really doesn’t seem to have anything to do with surfing.

DrunkenAngel
DrunkenAngel
8 years ago

I cannot remember anything i have written or said except when i tm something. So fuck knows. All done too boozy. Anyone who comments sober needs a therapist. You need a therapist for this STABbing sensation, chas?

Robinhood
Robinhood
8 years ago

I’m not sure..I feel like I attract most of the trolls due to my spelling problems..
And I then enjoy making them think I’m a troll.
And this rolls on until my trolls start the good old (hand ✋in the face ) (don’t don’t just don’t) vibe as if they are not the trolls.
And then I become a troll! Even though I’m serious and not a troll.
And then they who are obviously a troll and also racist will begin picking on my spelling and bullying me while they are becoming not the troll.
And then I am the troll and I get told to roll and get kicked out as.
The Troll???

Dumb Florida Redneck
Dumb Florida Redneck
8 years ago

I do more drugs IRL

resumes.mvlhawaii@gmail.com
8 years ago

I originally started commenting just because I hate Rory Parker so much but then you fired his ass and I have to harass him across here, stab and the gaynertia. It is turning into a full time job. Once I finally track him down here on kauai and beat his ass I can finally stop commenting.

shootsthen
shootsthen
8 years ago

You should move to the big island! They love people from the mainland (you) who come to Hawaii and act tough! You’d Wouldn’t have to “track” anyone down for a fight!

bitter guy
bitter guy
8 years ago
Reply to  shootsthen

its funny you say that, i’m like Casper da ghost haole and (other than ‘yans) i’ve been treated with the most aloha on the big island

shootsthen
shootsthen
8 years ago
Reply to  bitter guy

Big Island still has Aloha; they don’t care what you look like. If you have Aloha, they’ll welcome you into their families/lives. You act like a tough asshole, you’ll probably catch cracks or worse.

Seas Nail
Seas Nail
8 years ago
Reply to  shootsthen

I’m kinda shocked he’s not already pushing up palapalai somewhere down the coast.

Kennypowersmullet
Kennypowersmullet
8 years ago
Reply to  shootsthen

Big island has Some of the most awesome people I know.
Moral to the story is don’t be an asshole

Ricoimmo
Ricoimmo
8 years ago

how many people live on kauai? seems like he’d be pretty easy to find

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
8 years ago

Hippies talking shit about changing the ‘system’ and then doing nothing about it and living in contradiction to their words. That’s what gets me. I give a shit about the environment too but I’m a realist..and probably a defeatist.

Otto
Otto
8 years ago

Natural decay from a failed longtom recruitment effort.

Tom
Tom
8 years ago

I’m more opinionated in real life – but I am actually myself!

Otto
Otto
8 years ago

If Beach Grit really wants to throw shade on Stab in the Dark, then Derek and Chas should show community, show the People, choke Stab stoke and do Grit in the Light™. Showcase anonymous shapers from the loyal BG commentariot. Northern Hemisphere (Chas rides 8), Southern Hemisphere (Derek rides 8), and pick winners. Design a banner ad for them to be placed on Beach Grit. Get some business their way. Something Stab is incapable and unwilling to do.

Stab is corporate. Be the People™.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
8 years ago

The main difference between my personality on the Grit and IRL is that I don’t think anyone in real life knows I surf – and I don’t mind one bit. Besides my wife, I guess. (And she doesn’t even care how many boards I have. Imagine that!)

PacificNorthPest
PacificNorthPest
8 years ago

Just out of curiosity AiP, where do you live (generally)? my theory is that the surfier the place, the less likely that you’ll know who surfs, because surfing is not exotic but a part of life. So you see the guy in La Jolla pull up to Big Rock in a normal car in business casual clothes, pull out a board hidden in the trunk, rip for an hour, then change back into an every man an go quietly on his way. By contrast if someone in Portland surfs 8 days a year they drive a stickered up VW van conversion and dress like they robbed an RCVA outlet store. This guy kibitzes in the parking lot three times longer than he’s in the water. By my math you live in a surf town. Amirite?

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
8 years ago

I do, in fact, live in a very, very “surfy” place. Your theory lines up just about perfectly. Substitute “business casual” for “goth dad” and you’ll hit the nail on the proverbial head. (Except for the ripping part, let’s be honest.)

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
8 years ago

Wish I could walk away from condescending and hypocritical hippies. But I can’t.

funky Gibbon
funky Gibbon
8 years ago

Stab know that most of their traffic is for the comments not the content and so should their advertisers. If the advertisers where clever they should demand the comments be left on which would also get you alot more mentions. If a brand doesn’t want stab readers to comment or Stab turns off the comments it shows a complete lack of confidence in both parties brands.


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