The shark's cousin goes on a wild spree in Surf City, USA!
Yesterday found me in Jackson Hole, Wyoming’s local Boot Barn surrounded by hundreds, possibly thousands, of cowboy boots and have you ever owned a pair? I lusted heavily as an Oregonian child but my parents never folded and I was stuck in off-brand KangaROOS. I sometimes wonder how my trajectory would have been altered had I been gifted the cowboy boots I so longed for. Would I be an almost famous rodeo journalist? A serial philanderer?
I suppose I will never know and it is too late to change either career or fashion but there was a pair of boots in Boot Barn that caught my eye. They were made by El Dorado and featured a silver toe cap and rich gray, strangely bumpy leather.
I looked and it said they were made from the hide of a stingray.
This morning, maybe coincidentally maybe not, I read that over the New Year’s holiday weekend there were a record number of stingray stings in Huntington Beach, California. A whopping 73 if you can even believe it. The Los Angeles Times reports:
Officials say a new stingray injury record at Huntington Beach was reached when 73 people reported injuries in a single day.
Marine Safety Lt. Claude Panis tells the Orange County Register that in his 40 years of working as a lifeguard at the beach, he never saw so many stingray injuries reported to the level it reached on Friday.
Panis says the spike in stingray injuries is in part due to extreme low tides, small surf and warmish water in the low 60s along with holiday crowds in town and people off work and school.
On Thursday, 45 stingray injuries were reported to Huntington Beach lifeguards, a number also higher than usual.
Lifeguards plan to educate people on techniques to avoid being stung by rays.
We know, of course, to shuffle our feet when walking through the shallows but sometimes, especially when it is very good, I forget and run like an injured gazelle. Still, I have never been stung and would not like to be. Have you? Have you tasted the venomous dart?
I hear it really hurst.
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As a young grom I copped a stingray barb to the top of my foot after accidentally standing on the poor little fella, straight through a dorsal artery. Immediate cramp, initially I thought a giant crab had grabbed my foot. Blood spurting out was interesting so managing that was the first priority. My older brother ripped off his brand new t-shirt (to this day he reminds me) to apply pressure bandage then threw me in the back of his car for the wildest and fastest ride I’ve ever had, to hospital which back then was 60km from where we were. It wasn’t until about 20 mins after the little bugger got me that the most excruciating and evil pain kicked in. To this day I have never experienced such horrific pain, the intensity beyond description. There can be no pain greater.
Doesn’t iggy wear cowboy boots
Don’t be bummed about the cowboy boots, ROOs were the shit Chas. They even had a little stash pocket so a 7 year old could hide his Jolly Ranchers.
This is not supposed to happen in the winter.
Cowboy boots are just boots in the south. We have cowboys, but they aren’t real cowboys. I personally prefer ostrich to any other hide type, they are by far the softest. Here in the south contractors, welders, electricians, and the like all wear boots. I guess it’s because they are mandated by OSHA to wear them. This in turn leads to fashionable pairs worn after work hours. Being a captain, we don’t have foot wear mandates. It’s flip flops or deck shoes during work time, boots if you wanna make a statement. As for stingrays or jellies use meat tenderizer and a cool cloth. Sucks the poison right out!
I stepped on a stingray once. Girly screams echoing off the rocks at Broken Head still haunt me.
Should have heard me when an eel bit my ankle three times at Currumbin rock pools.
If those bites were recent you may have a nasty infection to go with it
Physical wounds healed, psychological not so much.
An eel? What I wouldn’t have given for an eel attack. I was lured up by my cousin who promised a hippy chick would ride up on a horse and pleasure the surf-honed youth. All that happened, after riding our treadlies for an hour, was me standing on broken glass in the pool. 8 stitches later, no hippy chicks. Sad.
Chuck likes to fuck
Change it from Chas back to Charlie. Maybe start chewing tobacco…
‘Hey look over yonder, if that ain’t not ol’ Charlie Smith. Why hear he got the baddest pen in the West. Lock up your daughters and hide your whiskey!’
A long time ago while on a stop over somewhere, I stumbled across an American vintage style store and inside the most delectable pair of snake skin cowboy boots. I imagined I looked like Josh Brolin in ‘No country for old men’, and paid an unreasonable sum of money for them. My wife’s never laughed so hard in her life.
after being hit by stingray my side-girl drove me to urgent care so i could have the barb removed. hours later, my then live-in-gf drove me home. i may have deserved the venomous dart.
slut
Mr Irwin? Is that you? https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
OK who scared off the juvenile GWS’s as that’s their food.
Now the GWS’s have been scared off, does this mean we could end up with Rayanadoo?
Thanks for the picture; wasn’t aware that skimboarders are selectively bred!
I got hit 3 times in 2 weeks this summer. Little fuckers were everywhere. Saw one the size of a fuckin coffee table down at Blacks.
I assume a large coffee table? Not one of those dusty little mosaic ones.
A GWS hits. A pesky Stingray meekly taps its target in comparison. But I’m still happy it tapped you and not me!
Thanks once again for bringing precision Nik Karol. You are the Mariane More of Beach Grit.
She would undoubtedly consider me a “half poet”.
Thank you Nik Karol for understanding my weird obscure joke and responding as if it was not. You are a fabulous host and/or hostess, the Emly Pst of Beach Grit, and very nearly a full poet in my chapbook.
Stop it Pesty, I’m blushing like an early season rose!
Get a room you two
Only if he/she pays!
Buck naked I’m sure. I mean the sting ray. Filthy perverts all of ’em
My buddy got stung, turned around, took two steps and got hit again.
This shit is funny when it’s your buddy and not you.
Like undersea rakes
I heard that brussel sprouts were responsible for even more venomous darts over the holiday period….
Darts with a D, not an F… Shurley, you cant be serious (see what I did there).
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KM2...
Didn’t realize you were in Jackson Hole. If you need restaurants recommendations let me know.
Also…drink as much Snake River beer as you can. I always do.
Did you get the boots?
Yeah, for God’s sake Chas, don’t leave us hanging.
Oh I should have made it clearer… It is too late for me to embrace the cowboy fashion. I would wear the boots, boot cut Wranglers and hat like a total imposter.
There’s always Halloween to indulge in a spot of faux cow poking and such.
With Halloween, wouldn’t it be slutty faux cow poking and such?
You Americans! In Australia, Halloween is just a awkwardly innocent evening where kids sugar up and dress like ghouls. You have sluts? True to God sluts?
It’s too dangerous for kids to knock on strangers’ front doors, so the wifeys get sluttied up and hit the clubs.
Wow. Positively Pagan.
See, the bootcut wranglers is where you’d be an imposter. You have to get the most regular, ill-fitting cut of Wranglers (long legs, even longer crotch), a pair of Justin Ropers (or Ariats) and a black felt hat in order to blend. (As I’ve mentioned previously, my family is in the cowboy game.)
was Broke Back Mountain you favourite cowboy film?
“I wish I could quit you”
I imagine this:
https://youtu.be/sWbqLjxgMzE
Impostor cowboys are the worst.
I went into a large cowboy boot shop with a buddy a couple years ago as a hater and I ended up being overwhelmed with desire. Those boots are badass and I still want some but my wife will have none of it.