I met with David Lee Scales this morning, host
of the fantastic Surf Splendor
network, and it surprised me. Oh I’ve known David professionally
for a few years now but brought down a world of hurt when, three
weeks ago, I decided to jump across a reclaimed wood and steel
coffee table at Stab editor Ashton
Goggans.
The reaction was fierce.
Surf podcast enthusiasts took to David’s website demanding
retirement of the show, insisting that it was low garbage and not
worthy of sharing airspace with the likes of Jamie Brisick and Matt
Warshaw.
Of course they were right but David must have a healthy appetite
for the tawdry and so here we are again. I don’t know if this
episode is good but it felt good chatting about surf again and, if
you choose to listen, there are some valuable nuggets inside. Like,
to whom the Adjunct
Professor‘s computer actually belongs. Have you been
wondering? Has it been keeping you up at night? And that the World
Surf League forgot to fill out the proper paperwork in Oahu and may
lose their window on the North Shore.
Can you imagine a tour without Pipeline? But can you really?
We also talk Yo-Yo Ma, herbal infusions, the power of positive
thinking and masturbation.
Just kidding (except we do talk about masturbation).
Listen now!
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
News: Shit hits the fan in the
Maldives!
By Derek Rielly
State of emergency declared in sweet little island
nation…
If you like soft, pretty waves, you’ve probably
thrown yourself into a trip to the Maldives. You know it as a
peaceful sorta joint, brimful of honeymooners in their
over-the-water bungalows, and surf tourists, jamming wide boards
over the turquoise waves.
Yesterday, the country’s president Abdulla Yameen declared
a 15-day state of emergency after claiming a Supreme Court ruling
that overturned terrorism convictions against nine of his opponents
was illegal.
According to
Al-Jazerra, “Soldiers and police in riot gear set up
barricades and cordoned off the streets leading to the court
building, according to witnesses, as police used pepper spray to
disperse protesters outside the court.”
Security forces then swooped on two Supreme Court judges and an
opposition leader
“President Yameen, who critics accuse of corruption, misrule and
rights abuses, has also suspended the
country’s parliament, where the opposition have a majority.
“Mohamed Nasheed, the country’s exiled former president, called
the state of emergency ‘tantamount to a declaration of martial law
in the Maldives’.”
Of course, if you’re like me, correction, like Chas, you might
dig a little fireworks on your annual vacay. Better than sitting in
that cube pecking at keys, no?
Who the fuck watches a QS event? No one and
nobody unless it’s at Pipeline in February.
And wut?! RedBull TV webcast? Wut!? Aren’t RedBull and the WSL
at war and have been for ever over webcast rights, product
placement etc etc? Volcom, Wassel, Cote, Vaughan Blakey, Kaipo in
the booth, four-man heats at perfect Pipe: when you see how it can
be done, how it should be done, it doesn’t seem too hard a
brew to get right, too difficult a concept to wrap your head
around.
As an antidote to Sophie’s Vision, the WaveTub and Facebook it
had more impact than a missile launch over the Pacific.
They did it good, they did it right. More raw, more loose. And
in glacial blue Pipeline tubes brushed clean by a light Kona breeze
local boy Josh Moniz stole it from under the nose of Jamie O’Brien
who bagged a perfect 10 in the final. Epic sport.
As pro surfing readies to embrace an artificial future the words
of Albert Camus call across the ages: “On the day when crime puts
on the apparel of innocence, through a curious reversal peculiar to
our age, it is innocence that is called on to justify itself.”
Was Sophie watching? The Final Day of the Volcom Pipe Pro was
burning oil poured from the turrets all over the new WSL strategy,
crafted, as it were, by non-surfers, non True Believers, suits
without a scintilla of comprehension about the Pro Surfing Project
and what it could and should stand for. The gooey burnt stinking
mess leftover should be picked up and fed to pigs.
Except it was Pipeline and “ocean surfing” that was called upon
to justify itself.
As a template for a tour beginning it justified itself. As an
ending to the Tour it needs no justification. But was Sophie
watching? The Final Day of the Volcom Pipe Pro was burning oil
poured from the turrets all over the new WSL strategy, crafted, as
it were, by non-surfers, non True Believers, suits without a
scintilla of comprehension about the Pro Surfing Project and what
it could and should stand for. The gooey burnt stinking mess
leftover should be picked up and fed to pigs.
But it won’t be.
First heat I watched was stacked. Mason Ho, Jacky Robinson, Evan
Valiere. Clean ultra-nugs were there for the taking on First Reef.
It looked shallow, it looked super heavy. Focus and compression.
Mason skitzed out on a bottom turn and took a lip to the back of
the head. Pops Ho was on the beach with a longer backup board but
Mason was lost for rhythm and got knocked. Jacky Robinson,
Australian surfing’s Great White Hope stuck in the mire of the
eternal trench warfare of the QS, looked super. Delicate line
adjustments in the heaviest pits. Very calm. His post heat presser
showed him to be fruity and composed, a laconic Mason Ho with a
bowl cut.
I don’t call Noa Deane a punk princess lightly. I greatly fear
his Dad Wayne slapping me in the head next time I surf Kirra and I
have nothing but warm heartedness towards his Mum Colleen. Before a
trip to Hawaii, she gave me a twenty-spot greenback and I have
never forgotten the gesture.
The world’s favourite cherubic punk princess followed, along
with Soli Bailey, another talent sucked into the vortex of the QS
with no end in sight. I don’t call Noa Deane a punk princess
lightly. I greatly fear his Dad Wayne slapping me in the head next
time I surf Kirra and I have nothing but warm heartedness towards
his Mum Colleen. Before a trip to Hawaii, she gave me a twenty-spot
greenback and I have never forgotten the gesture. In fact I still
have the twenty spot. At the time, the little tow-headed kid in
nappies was surfing a palm frond down the steep incline in the back
yard. He’s gunna be a good surfer, this kid, said Wayne. That was
Noa.
Soli was also in nappies. Used to bounce him on my knee. And
hang foul with his old man Andy “Sweaty Boy” Bailey. Deadset
diamond of a man. Sweaty Boy got himself kicked out of his digs,
that slum in Backyards, after leaving a turkey in the oven until a
burnt crisp, cutting power to the slum and shutting down
Thanksgiving for most of Sunset Beach. Noa, Soli, Jacky Robinson,
JOB, Mitch Parkinson, Josh Moniz prove the truism that the best
surfing lineages are dynastic, handed down through family lines and
not bureaucratic, which is the hole Australia finds itself pouring
money into. Soli got unlucky in a 25-minute heat that roared past.
He can win at Pipe, he can win at Teahupoo, he could win at
J-Bay.
But he can’t get out of the QS.
If you do nothing else go look at Finn McGill on the heat
analyser. I have no idea how old he is, except he must be young
because he just won the Junior World Championships at Kiama and in
so doing kicked Australian surfing in the nuts so hard it might be
singing falsetto for a generation. No grab-backside steez
under heavy lips, Backdoor bombs. Before he can legally buy a
Michelob Ultra in America he could win any CT heat at Pipe, right
now.
The results page is gone and my notes are a mess. At some point
I ordered Elements of Style
off Amazon. The 1918 first Edition by William Strunk
Jnr. Not because I wanted to learn how to write, but
because Chas told some guy to shove it up his ass on Facebook, in
defence of Matt Warshaw, I think. It can only be a matter of time
until some prick tells me to read the Elements of Style
and when he or she does I will now be ready to rumble.
Someone who had an abundance of the elements of style was Cam
Richards. Heard of him? Yeah, me neither. Some stud from South
Carolina with a square jaw, a thousand-yard stare and a penchant
for whipping it under the lip on ten foot bombs at Pipe. If you
missed the coverage check the late swing on a bomb in quarter-final
numbering. Nutz.
Joan Duru shot like a human torpedo from the bowels of one of
the best tuberides of the day for a non make. He was great. He was
better than great, he was original. Jack Robinson, broke one
then two boards in quarter-final two to end his campaign. Dad Trev
was there with the back-ups. He looked sober as a judge but if he
had a few Michelobs on SuperBowl Sunday, who am I to judge? How can
you say to your brother ‘Brother, let
me take the speck out of your eye,’ when
you yourself fail to see the plank in your own eye? You
hypocrite, first take the plank out of
your eye, and then you will see clearly
to remove the speck from your
brother’s eye.
Sophie were you watching?
Maybe if the WSL goes too far out on the limb chasing Middle
American UFC audiences and ends up turning Pro Surfing into the
equivalent of an abandoned fairground then Redbull could be
there to pick up the pieces and start afresh. It wouldn’t be the
strangest piece of speculation.
Between Facebook and Redbull I’d say Redbull is clearly the
lesser of two evils but more than that, their coverage of Pro
Surfing just seems…..right. Sure, they ham it up and lay
it on thick but at least the cheese is raw, Wassel is a genius and
the coverage is top notch.
Maybe if the WSL goes too far out on the limb chasing Middle
American UFC audiences and ends up turning Pro Surfing into the
equivalent of an abandoned fairground then Redbull could be
there to pick up the pieces and start afresh. It wouldn’t be the
strangest piece of speculation.
Meanwhile the finals ran in perfect Pipe. Jamie O’Brien got a
couple of note perfect but for him low difficulty rides while Cam
Richards and Wes Dantas, who had been surfing with an incredibly
unorthodox approach, took donuts and languished. Josh Moniz got on
the board with a delectable peach that a skilled rec surfer could
almost imagine spiking. Minutes ticked down with Jamie in the lead,
a set stood up perfectly deep on first reef and he took it to the
canvas for a 10-point ride. It looked done and dusted until Josh
got spat from a highly compressed chamber with minutes to go. Not
quite as dramatic as JJF’s last-second Backdoor wave to beat Jamie
in 2011, but not far off.
Game over. Epic spectacle.
Did you watch Sophie? Did you comprehend?
It would have been a nice moment to show your face, maybe hand
over the trophy and bask in the ohana of the Moniz family. You lose
the goodwill of the North Shore and you’ve lost everything.
(Watch Jamie O’s ten at the three-hour-nineteenish minute mark,
Josh Moniz’s game-winning touchdown five minute later…)
(And here’s Peter King’s #TourNote take on the event.)
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Hey pro surfer, wanna get rich?
By Chas Smith
Coca-Cola wants to make your dreams come true!
Yesterday morning you read the earth-shattering story, pulled
from the pages of Hollywood’s leading trade publication, detailing
the myriad changes coming to professional surfing. As recap, the
World Surf League’s $30 million dollar deal with Facebook means the
WSL app, that you reluctantly downloaded just over a year ago, is
now obsolete. Also, the League is building a tank in Tokyo that
will be ready for the 2020 Summer Games and that professional
surfing under the floodlights is a brave new reality.
While we will be digesting all of this over the coming months,
the $30 million dollar figure stuck out to me immediately. It seems
like a lot of money. Not too much money but a lot of
money, right? Like, what would you do with $30 million dollars?
Would you make wise investments? Squander it foolishly? Buy a home
in the hills? Give it all away and move to an ashram?
What about $3500 dollars? Would you replace your brakes? Take
the wife out to Outback Steakhouse and order the Bloomin’ Onion AND
the Kookaburra Wings?
Well, unbuckle your belt, boy, and tell the wife to wear her
stretchy pants because dreams do come true!
Florida Today is reporting:
Pro-level surfers ages 18 to 40 for men and women are needed
for a Coca-Cola commercial. Pay compensation is $3,500 per person,
according to a release by Bonnie King, film commissioner for the
Space Coast Film and Television Office. Submit a head shot and one
full-length picture to casting director Pearl Rojo at
[email protected].
Boom. Like that. And while your initial response may be, “But
I’m not a pro surfer…” remember. We’re all pro
surfers.
If you are not quite in the mood to be rich (and possibly
famous) feel free to sent Pearl Rojo someone else here’s
headshot/full-length length picture.
Loading comments...
Load Comments
0
Buy A Chainsaw And Attack the C**T!
By Longtom
Designer of boards for Kelly, Dan Thomson, and the
influence of his pops, Mark…
Bike. Surf pumping at the point. Monday morning mid morning.
Pandanus palm mark carcass. Life outside the mainstream work-a-day
culture. Backyard high tech…
Monday morning a couple of weeks ago, late winter to be
precise. What are you up to? Making an honest living
somewhere? Trading your time/labour/expertise in exchange for a
handful of shekels to help pay for the sky high cost of living near
the ocean?
Probably.
Dan “Tomo” Thomson is at work too or at least riding home from
work. Peddling a bike along the dirt track underneath the whistling
she-oaks beside the frogs croaking in the swamp that lays just
behind the basalt boulders of Lennox Point. Under the arm, some new
foam-and-fibreglass creation has been put on the test track.
Something that justifies the term work for a shaper/designer, maybe
Australia’s best, certainly the most innovative.
There hasn’t been anything as radical in form and concept as the
“Modern Planing Hull” since the shortboard revolution. This one has
the parallel outline with a pulled in tail and a quad setup. It
looks fast with a ton of control built into the engine room. And I
know it works because I just spent an hour watching Daniel put it
all over the six-foot walls roping down the Point.
“Shaping started slowly for him. His brain was strong and he
knew what he wanted but the hands couldn’t translate what was in
his head. It took time.” Mark Thompson,.
I’m not the only one watching. Stretched out across a rock
beside a cave-like clump of pandanus palms the father of Daniel
Thomson, Mark, is baking like a lizard in the winter sun, a look of
deep contentment etched across his face. Yeah, Dan’s doing OK. Hit
the big-time with Firewire and his collaborations with Slater. And
Mark’s enjoying every second of his son’s success.
Dan’s position at the vanguard of surfer-shapers and
shaper-designers, somehow who is as comfortable flaring fins along
the coping as they are experimenting with the possibilities of
shape and the limits of space age materials, isn’t an accident.
He’s no Johnny Come Lately. He’s not some dude who, with a flare
for marketing and a partner who could build a website, learnt the
intricacies of AKU shaper before he could swing a planer. No, you
could say he’s been groomed for this for a long time, maybe since
birth.
The upbringing was, how to put it, unorthodox. Mark is
an unconventional man and the family compound, a sprawling
hippy-type affair nestled in rainforest at the base of Broken Head
was about as far from the typical nine-to-five urban upbringing as
you could get. The Byron-Ballina area was then, and still is, at
the forefront of design experimentation .
Mark says he and Dan “cycled through every design you could
think of: singles, twins, concaves, no-nose thrusters. It was
nothing to ride something at Broken Head and snap it in the tube,
go home, shape another one and come back to the Point the next day
to test it. That’s what Daniel grew up exposed to. But it wasn’t
easy for him. I was fucking hard on him.”
“The area was just fizzing with everything,” says Mark. “From Al
Byrne’s channels to McCoy’s Lazer Zaps to twinnies – we just grew
up through that whole change and we were just doing everything we
could. There was nothing out of bounds and there were no rules.
Daniel was wandering around watching me shape surfboards since he
was in nappies,” says Mark while we stretch out on rocks post surf
at the Point. “I’d give him a block of foam and a surform and set
him up under a tree and tell him to shape something just to get him
out of my hair so I could get my work done.”
Mark says he and Dan “cycled through every design you could
think of: singles, twins, concaves, no-nose thrusters. It was
nothing to ride something at Broken Head and snap it in the tube,
go home, shape another one and come back to the Point the next day
to test it. That’s what Daniel grew up exposed to. But it wasn’t
easy for him. I was fucking hard on him.”
He laughs, uproariously, head tilted back with a mane held in
place by an old school sun visor. With a missing front tooth and
built like a water buffalo you can imagine the old man would have
cut an intimidating figure to a young kid.
At 15 Dan was up to his neck in the Junior Series as an aspiring
pro surfer, a contemporary and peer of Fanning, Parko and Dean
Morrison. As a country kid from the rainforest he seemed to lack
the mongrel required to make the cut.
“Dan rang me looking for advice about shaping a board from a
block of foam for SacredCraft and I told him: Just go down to the
hardware and buy a chainsaw and fucking attack the cunt. So he did.
Won board of the show.” Mark Thompson.
“As soon as that singlet went over his head his brain went to
scrambled eggs. If they hassled him he’d be like Curren: he’d
paddle up the beach trying to get away from them,” says Mark. “He
wanted the best boards and I was always pushing him to be
responsible to think about what he wanted. If he broke his boards
and came to me – I need a new board Dad – I’d say, well you
know where the fucking shaping room is, there’s blanks in there. If
he went in there and did it, I’d always go and detail it for him.
Shaping started slowly for him. His brain was strong and he knew
what he wanted but the hands couldn’t translate what was in his
head. It took time. I always knew Daniel was going to be a late
bloomer. He got a lot of information at a very young age. I knew it
was going to take time to digest that knowledge and put it all
together”.
Curren.
Everyone needs a break, something or someone to crack the world
wide open and for Dan it came in the form of a Californian looking
to make connections between proto-typical shaper Bob Simmons and
the fish design undergoing a modern resurgence, a bookish bear of a man name of
Richard Kenvin.
Richard hired Mark as a cinematographer with Rasta as talent but
when Rasta couldn’t make it Daniel was subbed in. Initially, the
project, called Hydrodynamica, failed to inspire the
Thomson clan.
“I wasn’t that interested,”,says Mark, “because I looked at the
boards and thought: What’s this 1960’s shit. At the time, I had
stringerless XTR carbon flex-tails. Power-drive fins. Really,
really advanced shit. But when Richard explained Bob Simmons maths
and the hydrodynamic principles, I thought that makes sense.
Now I’m interested.”
The footage of the unknown kid from Lennox Head ripping it up on
the San Diego Fish went back to the States creating a buzz as the
fish reached a peak in popularity. Dan could’ve stayed in the
comfortable bubble of Lennox but he put his sack on the line and
shipped himself off to California with 300 bucks in his back pocket
to make a go of it as a shaper-designer.
Growing up surrounded by a dominant father and giants of the
design world had it’s advantages but with so many tall trees
surrounding him Dan felt a need to find his own space and
sunshine.
The footage of the unknown kid from Lennox Head ripping it up on
the San Diego Fish went back to the States creating a buzz as the
fish reached a peak in popularity. Dan could’ve stayed in the
comfortable bubble of Lennox but he put his sack on the line and
shipped himself off to California with 300 bucks in his back pocket
to make a go of it as a shaper-designer.
“I had to get out his shadow,” Dan says, “so I took my own path
with the fish.”
Innovation wasn’t long coming. An irony: that the path to the
most radical transformation of the shortboard for 50 years came via
the lineage of the San Diego fish, the ultimate symbol of hipster
retro fashion.
While Mark found inspiration in nature and universal geometry,
Dan was surrounded by the high-tech world of California and saw
design principles in science and technology. Military aircraft,
with their sawn off sharp angles and drag free surfaces became
design templates for the fish to become harder, more modern, more
angular and high performance under Dan’s planer.
The Sacred Craft Shape-Off, a trade-show competition between
shapers, put Dans’ credentials and upbringing centre stage.
“I’d always taught him how to attack foam,” says Mark from the
verandah of the Lennox family home overlooking a North Coast
pointbreak. “Dan rang me looking for advice about shaping a board
from a block of foam for SacredCraft and I told him: Just go down
to the hardware and buy a chainsaw and fucking attack the cunt. So
he did. Won board of the show.”
Dan was surrounded by the high-tech world of California and saw
design principles in science and technology. Military aircraft,
with their sawn off sharp angles and drag free surfaces became
design templates for the fish to become harder, more modern, more
angular and high performance under Dan’s planer.
While the Fish was relentlessly and ruthlessly modernised by the
country kid in the heart of California, almost a perfect mirror of
the historical moment when the Californian Greenough presented the
vision of the future to the longboard riding Aussies, the great
leap forwards to the Modern Planing Hull was incubated in
darkness.
Dan’s relationship with his American gal and mother of their
child foundered and went sour and in the throes of that misery Dan
went into the shaping bay and let loose with a white hot burst of
creativity. Those boards, radically different to anything else,
with a kiteboard aesthetic, were tested at Lennox Point. I saw them
being ridden, in the early stages. Bizarre looking, thin, narrow,
short. But it was immediately obvious that the “planing” in the
planing hull was incredibly efficient. Effortless speed. According
to Mark those boards, the future, or the radical present, then sat
in a cupboard. Unseen.
Dan’s relationship with his American gal and mother of their
child foundered and went sour and in the throes of that misery Dan
went into the shaping bay and let loose with a white hot burst of
creativity.
That is, until they were launched at a trade show in the
states.
Which brings us to the next great juncture in the Dan Tomo
story: the linking up with technology platform Firewire to
mass-produce the Modern Planing Hull.
When it comes to Firewire and Tomo it’s a fair question to ask:
who made who? Firewire was struggling, looking for investment
(taken on by Kelly Slater eventually) and drifting down a path of
over-sized grovel boards for intermediates. It was a company
haemorrhaging credibility in the high-performance space. Tomo
elbowed aside the Sweet Potato with the Vanguard, the Evo and now
the Slater designs Sci-Fi and Omni and the market lapped it up.
Firewire CEO Mark Price confirms Dan Tomo has been the
highest-selling designer for Firewire since he came on board.
Of course, the benefit flows both ways. The royalty cheques mean
Dan can afford to be riding his bike back from the Point with a new
design under arm at 10 am on a Monday morning, a Hydrodynamic
Architect ready to take theories from wherever he can find them and
translate that into the continuing progression of the modern
shortboard.
Just like his father taught him.
(Editor’s note: I commissioned this story for an issue
of Surfing Life, a surfboard
themed issue. If there are any good guys left in this topsy-turvy
old world, it’s the owners of Surfing Life and
White Horses, two print mags
bought from their corporate owners and run by surfers for no other
reason than a desire to not let their babies die.)