Round two was terribly dull. Goodbye John John. Joel P gives a little dazzle.
Stumbling into Ross Williams on the path between Greenmount and Snapper I intro’ed myself as Steve Shearer writing for BeachGrit. He said, “Uh huh.”
Big man in the flesh, over six foot, Dad bod.
I asked him if I could chat to him about his coaching of John John 2018.
He said he wasn’t doing any media and I said, “Uh huh.”
“Any changes to the formula,” I pressed.
He said, “Nah”.
The reticence I believe was due to the arctic camo and syphilitic skin cancers up in his grill.
“What about boards, putting more volume in made a massive difference last year, any changes this year?”
“He’s a big dude,”he said. “Still growing, so we need to keep evolving the equipment.”
It was a low-energy exchange and it left me worried about John.
There is a growing trend in him towards philosophicalism, a character flaw I am well acquainted with. Anyone seeking self knowledge via a surfing competition is prone to wandering in a wilderness of delusion. That is called, in the school of Surf Journalism I subscribe to, as The Kelly Error.
John did start low energy against Mikey Wright. He got his head held underwater in the opening exchanges by the Australian mullet and ended up getting his arse well and truly beat by the wildcard.
Gabby played rope-a-dope against Leo slipping away from expected confrontation and laying hammer blows on smaller waves, drawing the pity of Ronnie Blakey who called the wave Gabby surfed a “poor thing.”
The bigger showcase was the judging signal laid down by new Head Judge Pritamo Ahrendt. It was a major and much needed correction of Porta Era over-scoring. Leo threw a technically perfect tail high throw and got a 3.77. It would have got a high six under Porta. In the rush to establish the scale Medina was probably underscored, especially in the context of a day of mostly mediocre round two surfing.
Wilko choked against new rookie Michael February. For perfect two-to-three-foot rippable point surf it seemed incredibly easy to get lost out there. I’ve long thought incumbency is as much of a hindrance as a help at Snapper and Wilko proved my point.
I needed some expert advice to find out why and sought the counsel of Irish Super Strategist and Coach of the most lethal team in pro surfing history, Glen Micro Hall.
Once again I intro’ed myself and we shook hands. Little man, clean cut, ripped. Shaved down if I’m not mistaken.
“Glen”, I said “Why are Wilko and other top seeds finding this lineup so hard to read? There are good waves everywhere out there.”
“I don’t know,” he said.
“Any theories?”
“Nah, not really.”
Is that not core business?
Do coaches not collect their ten percent to figure this shit out? Or am I reading this wrong?
There was no question of rookies over-respecting incumbents and the day was looking tedious until Parko took the water behind the rock against Pat Gudauskas. In the last two days I have seen hundreds of waves spit their guts out after barrelling from behind the rock. And not one pro surfer has paddled over and caught one.
Parko threaded one, then two, then three. Putting the big swinging top turn carve on the end for emphasis. The only waves ridden in two full days of mens competition that reached into the eight-plus excellent range.
Objectively analysing the crowd using scientific transects and language detection I estimated the official language of QuikPro as Portugese. Lots of gals, lots of brown guys. Not White Australia at all. A gal in front of me and Jazzy P swooned and dropped to the floor in the Corona Pavilion. Two babes in front swivelled bottoms slowly from side to side like honeybees at the hive. The air was thick with the chemical smell of sunscreen and human pheromones.
A cadet surf journalist interned to me by Derek Hynd asked me if I had any advice and I said, “The best way to avoid a hangover is not to drink but the best way to deal with a hangover is to have another one.”
“Jazzy P, have you got your hands on the BG purse strings, I need another Corona.”
M Rod was the only other pale sun to shine on a dull day when anticipation of much greater things to come infused the day with a sour, Soviet mood emanating from judges, surfers, fans, coaches and surf journalists alike.
Round two. We should all write a letter to the Commissioner and ask them to drop-kick it off a cliff.
What is it good for? Absolutely nothing.
Cyclone 13P named by the Joint Typhoon Warning Centre in Honolulu is bearing down on the QLD coast and on track to deliver a finals finish at Kirra if WSL can play their cards right. If, comrades, they had run overlapping heats today they could’ve been in a go position to pick the eyes out of what may be a small window of cyclonic opportunity and enlivened an otherwise dull day.
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast Round 2 Results:
Heat 1: Mikey Wright (AUS) 15.10 def. John John Florence (HAW) 10.76
Heat 2: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 13.00 def. Leonardo Fioravanti (ITA) 7.90
Heat 3: Michael February (ZAF) 11.03 def. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 8.97
Heat 4: Adriano de Souza (BRA) 11.40 def. Ian Gouveia (BRA) 10.07
Heat 5: Joel Parkinson (AUS) 17.03 def. Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 9.67
Heat 6: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 14.67 def. Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 10.80
Heat 7: Frederico Morais (PRT) 12.16 def. Ezekiel Lau (HAW) 9.90
Heat 8: Kanoa Igarashi (JPN) 10.60 def. Keanu Asing (HAW) 8.86
Heat 9: Willian Cardoso (BRA) 12.90 def. Caio Ibelli (BRA) 10.83
Heat 10: Conner Coffin (USA) 12.20 def. Yago Dora (BRA) 10.60
Heat 11: Tomas Hermes (BRA) 14.93 def. Joan Duru (FRA) 12.17
Heat 12: Wade Carmichael (AUS) 11.74 def. Jesse Mendes (BRA) 11.13
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast Round 3 Matchups:
Heat 1: Owen Wright (AUS) vs. Willian Cardoso (BRA)
Heat 2: Mick Fanning (AUS) vs. Conner Coffin (USA)
Heat 3: Kolohe Andino (USA) vs. Tomas Hermes (BRA)
Heat 4: Filipe Toledo (BRA) vs. Italo Ferreira (BRA)
Heat 5: Jeremy Flores (FRA) vs. Adrian Buchan (AUS)
Heat 6: Gabriel Medina (BRA) vs. Mikey Wright (AUS)
Heat 7: Julian Wilson (AUS) vs. Michael February (ZAF)
Heat 8: Frederico Morais (PRT) vs. Kanoa Igarashi (JPN)
Heat 9: Joel Parkinson (AUS) vs. Griffin Colapinto (USA)
Heat 10: Adriano de Souza (BRA) vs. Wade Carmichael (AUS)
Heat 11: Connor O’Leary (AUS) vs. Michel Bourez (PYF)
Heat 12: Jordy Smith (ZAF) vs. Michael Rodrigues (BRA)
Roxy Pro Gold Coast Semifinal Matchups:
Heat 1: Lakey Peterson (USA) vs. Malia Manuel (HAW)
Heat 2: Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) vs. Keely Andrew (AUS)
That’s how I feel when the Gudansky crew come down from San Clemente to O’side harbour
He came up against a world class wildcard . He got out of rhythm and didn’t have priority when the 2 best waves of the heat came through and was almost in combo land ,losing by over 4points . Smoked ?
29. Its a Leap of Faith Year.
I just miss Dane period
Did he have periods?!!?!?
of genius, channel
JJf looked listless in his heat, like really wanted to be someplace else.
10% for someone to pick my board for me? I think not.
Was it 2 or 3 years back when it was similar size and Felipe pumped speed lines and flicked zippy finesse airs? Isn’t that what can be done in waves as small as Snapper yesterday to surf them as radically as possible? And also pack the barrel deep on the take off? Not sure why dropping in down the line and then forced, sub par pendulum power-hacking was the flavor of the day …
I bet JJF is not really focused on the title this year. If it happens it happens. And he know the WSL is a joke and doesn’t really mean that much anymore
I know they were incredibly competitive in heats as kids but have no idea of their free surfing spirit .Let’s hope they are respectful and your probably pretty safe anyway that they won’t all turn up together in Costa Rica or Nicaragua .
Wish Ross was in a talking mood so you could have asked why JJF gives up the inside so easy and also doesn’t wait for the sets.
Also curious as to why they ran today? The forecast is that dire? The girls waves yesterday looked way more high performance worthy or maybe it was just them.
Forecast is good but the windows might be small….they needed to go today. It was totally rippable. I think someone dosed the competitors tent with rohypnol.
Yep, we are still very, very far below the performance benchmarks Dane set at Snapper almost 10 years ago.
JJ’s board look way unexlcamationatory.. or maybe it his leading arm dulling down his performance in smaller surf!
how gut wrenching was that Keanu loser interview?
it was a privilege to break bread and clink beer bottles with the great Mullet last night.
Asing, out of all surfers in the 2nd round, looked thoroughly below the standard. At the end he needed a 6, set wave didn’t come. He needed to do something special on the average wave he caught, and not only didn’t, but didn’t even seem to try to make some magic. His surfing looked like “solid” at a high school NSSA contest in 1992. Good, but about as effective in the moment as proning to the beach. I felt mortified pathos for him as it happened.
If only Snapper was a left . The little battler would kill it .He still leads Kolohe in the number of CT event wins !
There were many calling for the return of Dane today!
Former need to sponsor a comp.
Everyone would be ecstatic if they got him for Keramas.
Cant we petition?
surfed emma wood with danger yesterday actually!! he seemed quite happy to be away from snappa
Having watched way to many QS and CT events in the last 4 years I have the impression that Snakes’ clients don’t even paddle for a wave unless signaled to do so by snake waving the orange towel.
I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: that Ghost must be the savviest aperitif D.R. has ever served.
Is this a reference to the spectre of Dane that haunts the tour or Longtom’s board?
Perhaps the movie with Patrick Swayze?
Haven’t watched a drop, living vicariously through the words of Longtom and a text group chat of surf mates.
Twenty-four surfers square off in eight three-man heats with third going home, then round of 16, quarters, semis, chicken dinner. Cut the field down by 12, more than halve event length from 47 heats to 23. Whole thing runs over two days, maximising any available swell and massively boosting the standard of surfing in the process. Almost seems too obvious.
They did that 1st round elimination for a bit and the surfers cried like babies.
I’m not sure if it’s because i’m usually there shooting the event, or if the WSL has lost it’s final shine since losing Pipe in 2019 but is this event far more boring than usual?
it is taking a long time to get off the ground, yes
Well the strategy for Wilkos heat was crook.
Forgot to mention it was a good day for Beefcake with Cardoso and Carmichael both getting through.
I just walked around Greenmount hill and there was a bloke and his gal with Wade’s World tee-os on absolutely staggering.
Good day for Team Carmichael.
Great except down in the Corona tent two ladies who were either Portuguese or Spanish maybe were totally distracting my attention to the point my mind willed them to move on and when the did soon after I was sad.
Don’t just sit there bust a move.
Missus would most definitely not approve any thing above a look.
Einmal ist keinmal? (It won’t matter just this once ) Ah the unbearable lightness of being .Only joking brother.
Pathetic
The broad who dropped was an Italian who necked 3 cups of java + 2 coronas in the stretch of about 2 hours on an empty stomach…. combine that with some searing QLD heat and you book yourself a ticket to the Tweed Hospital.
No wonder pro surfing is becoming stale when even the groupies are susceptible to overdosing on coffee and Mexican beer .Can’t imagine that happening at the 77 Stubbies.
The Hermes vs Duru heat was pretty good.
it was OK.
QS level surfing.
A man of great expectations. I have to say, I can’t get my head around the “Michael February” phenomenon. Do I need therapy, counselling or re-education for this mental blockage?
Be patient. It will take a month to get your head around it.
What’s with those arms? I can’t figure out if he’s waiting tables or riding waves!
He’ll get there but needs 10kg well dispursed.
That’s exactly what I said to my bro yesterday. Three years and 30 pounds
True?
after all, Ross was the kook in momentum