A corporate closeness that you won't believe!
Do you work for a company that has corporate retreats? Like, team building activities? Where you maybe travel to a ropes’ course somewhere or go on a cruise? Does your company even offer Surf Ranch as an option? Well maybe get another job because the Jewel of Lemoore is on the market for a neat two day, ten person $115,000 (minus lodging and airfare) getaway.
A very private invitation forwarded anonymously promised a capped crowd of ten, breaking into two groups of 5, and costing $11,500 per surfer including video, coaching, food and transportation from the casino to the Ranch.
50% deposit up front, of course.
And ooooee! Does that sound… rich? Well it’s a once in a lifetime experience so maybe don’t be judgmental.
But using this corporate rate we can really break down what Surf Ranch is valued at per wave. When it was Surf Journalist Day at the Ranch, four men were in the water per hour with six waves being the average. Add another man and I would say four waves so that means eight waves a day x 2 which equals sixteen waves divided by 11,500 and…
…we come to $718.75 per wave.
And ooooee! Does that sound… decadent? Well it’s a once in a lifetime experience so maybe don’t be sanctimonious.
But what else can you buy for $718.75?
A classic horsebit leather loafer from Gucci.
A sac de jour long wallet from Yves St. Laurent.
A soft square optical frame with magnetic clip from Tom Ford.
Etc.
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please reveal what company this is so i can make sure i’m not invested in it.
this has the stench of a bubble about to burst. the big short all over again
kelly kelly who can i turn to
you give something the ocean denies to
I know you’ll think I’m like all surfers before
who saw your name and ranking before the fall
Kelly, I got your number
Lemoore need to make you mine
Kelly, don’t change your number,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
Kelly, Kelly, you’re the wave for me
You don’t know me but brown tubes make me so happy
I tried to surf Firewire before but every board’s a turd
I tried to imagine the cost, but I was disturbed
Kelly, I’ve got your number
Kelly don’t change your number
Lemoore need to make you mine
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
One, Eight, Five, Five, Six, Jackson Ave,
I got it (i got it) I got it
I got your name and ranking before the fall
I got it (i got it) I got it
For a ca-ching time, for a ca-ching time call
KElly don’t change your number
Lemoore need to make you mine
Thank god for surfing the almighty us of a is great again
718 bucks will get you a pretty nice hooker! 16 of those sounds good to me!!!
This makes Corky Carroll’s Mexican Paradise all inclusive Surf Adventure a total steal at $200 per day.
No all good , had nothing to lose and gained everything .
Good luck and as they say “fortune favors the brave”,which is how I ended up in Germany as a stay at home dad married to a Gynecologist.
please tell me this is true.
✅.
it could be worse, your misses could be a cock doctor.
Dunno. As a cock doctor she could of got work on the Goldie between snapper ROCKS and BIG GROYNE kirra especially if anyone ended up at with a greenMOUNT after scoring the pot of gold with a little MARLEY at the end of the Rainbow 🌈?
It’s true I’ve no idea about the current state of the Indonesian economy and have zero dollars to invest . Just repeating my old man who was a bank manager who said “If returns seem surprisingly high than don’t be surprised if you lose the lot “.
i know media guys that can fully expense something like this on a client shmooz, national TV campaign pitches, the whore/stripper budget is over $10k
compounding!
At 10%and in Indonesia ,I’d have to say surf betting is probably a safer investment ?
I’m gonna buy a few full day sessions and then just sit on the fake beach and scream with hysterical delight when my feet get wet. No one will be allowed to ‘surf’ the waves. Kelly himself will be required to be there and laugh uproariously when I scream and giggle, and then stand silently until the next wave. Sophie will be on hand to read me 16th Century German romantic poetry while wearing a burkini.
And force your slaves for a day to consume IKEA ‘s meatballs .
Oh no. But I might commission a bespoke Yves St Laurent snake skin air mattress which will tossed into the pool to ride each wave in place of any actual people. In fact I might make Kelly ride it, prone, blindfolded, wearing a rubber Whitney Houston mask.
the raft better watch it over that end section, Chas has dubbed it “Bonecrushers”
Maintain the rage brother
Oh I’m just indulging in speculation as to what I’ll do with my $11.50 days.
Stoked really because I’ll have 50 cents leftover to buy a popsicle!
I was 15 and managed 16 days straight during the old September school holidays with a total budget of $32,dined on hot chips and milk, and was chauffeured home on the train . Luckily that the whale and calf ,that swam into Bate Bay for a week, and the waves were included in the $2 luxury pass .What I would have done for a popsicle , heart or the holy grail of late 70s ice creams ,The golden gaytime.
He managed to make everyone forget ADS’s world title within 24 hours. What ever he is diverting us away from is probably huge. Flat earth? Buying oil rights in the arctic? Loves the cock?
I’ll pay $11.5k if, and only if:
– Raimana follows me on the ski and yells “Go! Go! Go!”
– Eddie V writes and performs a song about how good I was surfing at the ranch on the closing night.
– My transport to and from the casino is the red tractor driven by Jimmy Slade.
I think you forgot the stopover at Pam’s trailer between the pool and the pokies .Viva las Fresno !
The operative word being “onto”.
I really don’t think he give’s a fuck either way. Sure, his name might take a beating, but in all reality he has little to lose.
WSL bought a majority stake in the pool. These prices/packages are a fast-grab at operational cash. At the end of the day it’s the WSL that’s got a nut to crack.
100%. his corporate credibility has exceeded his core credibility for a solid 10 years now. he’s still the only pro surfer most CEOs could name here in the US. Even Mick would just be known as “that blonde guy who got attacked by a shark”
Unbridled greed.
for $718/hr. i can surf Lowers and spear guys that burn me with not one, but two new boards for the same price
3 if you catch me on a week I need weed or Vicodin
Well it includes food and shit too
I’ve changed my tune on this. If the Rancheros can get people to pay that kind of money for that product, I say flense those fuckers till they run dry. They deserve it.
God, I love those Tom Ford frames. Surf Ranch can get fucked though.