Like watching patients with early onset dementia, lost and confused and unable to find the way home.
What if I told you there were going to be five heats run at a world class reef-pointbreak in clean, double-overhead conditions without a single excellent ride, and only one heat total besting 10 points (out of a possible 20)? What would you think?
I need some help, I don’t know what to think.
My own thoughts are depressing me and I’m desperately scrambling for an anti-depressive take on this baffling performance fail by the world’s best. Even the most generous and generalist analysis couldn’t amount to anything more than a golf clap – a very slow and equivocal one –for what was broadcast today.
Peter Mel said WA locals were underwhelmed by the level of performance yesterday at full throttle North Point. Today’s efforts must have left them contemplating self harm. The strategy fails alone were dissonant and dismal. Air sections were everywhere and in low-scoring heats, every heat was low scoring, any made air would have won heats. Wave after wave was ridden with surfers kicking out or gliding past air sections.
By the time the penny dropped, a strange palsy seemed to have overcome the surfers. Michael Rodriguez had nine attempts at a make… nine!… and limped away with a high score of a 1.30. In the same heat, Italo Ferriera ended up with a heat total of 2.90.
It was like watching patients with early onset dementia walking around their own neighborhoods, lost and confused and unable to find the way home.
Yes, that is correct. I just double checked to make sure.
Seabass won with a majestic total of 5.4. And that was not the lowest winning score. Adriano De Souza took that dubious honour with a five.
Kolohe Andino looked like the man who might finally bust the thing wide open with a very big attempt at a full-rotation air but then reverted to the timid and confused surfing that characterised the day. It was like watching patients with early onset dementia walking around their own neighborhoods, lost and confused and unable to find the way home.
With fifty seconds remaining, and Kolohe needing a 1.37 to win, he scrapped into a small insider on the inner ledge ducked in and out of a little hole and did the obligate turns necessary to win. It was the epitome of winning ugly on a day when winning beautiful seemed maddeningly out of reach.
Yes it was slow, yes it was weird. It’s a tricky wave with lots of moving parts but ain’t that what they are paid to do? Figure that shit out and get the job done? What is a pro surfer? What does a pro surfer do? It was a day when basic questions looked in the mirror and found nothing but awkward answers staring back at them.
Not much more to say comrades. Joel Parkinson looked positively magisterial in heat twelve with a couple of clean makes and an incomplete alley oop on the end section. His heat total snuck into double figures, the highest of a weird day on a weird Aussie leg in what is shaping up to be the weirdest year in Pro Surfing history. As Parko’s heat ended, a perfect bomb set steamed through the lineup barrelling unridden to the inside and a collective groan could be heard to echo around the world.
The polar opposite to Art Linkletters’ “Genius ’round the world stands hand in hand, and one shock of recognition runs the whole circle ’round.”
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Fuckn A
True
North point is a unreal wave unquestionably exciting but can help thinking whenever it’s breaking at 6 to 8 Margie’s is 10-15 foot. Seeing them battle it out in big surf is just as exciting as barrels.
North point is an epic place for photo shoot but not epic for a surf contest. Certainly not for webcast. The shape of the headland means cameras always looking away from the wave (like winki), water shots can’t show the whole wave and too lully to make it an interesting spectacle.
At least the box allows a quick epic barrel or epic wipeout. But spectators on the beach can’t see shit.
Main break is not much better because the left isn’t high performance anymore so everyone goes right on that big wall and then kick out over the reef for jetski assist.
It’s a perverse situation for WA. Great waves abound, but they are forced into awkward locations for the contest.
Move it down to Yallingup
Left handers or injidup?
aaaand at what point is it ok to say that JJF looked like the in-form surfer of the round and all this business about him being rattled was garbage?
mate he looked OK but only in comparison to everyone else.
bit of a low bar indeed
upvoted for the rasta friendship bracelets
its so much more “me” than fat controller. i’m more life coach than wellness coach.
This was 8x better than stabs article.
I tried to watch and tapped out without seeing a decent set, was it horribly slow or did I just catch part of bad heat?
Yep.
The only remotely exciting Round 1 heat (please WSL just give up on NP) was on the parking lot;
Jesse Medes x Mikey Wright https://uploads.disquscdn.c… key Wright
MW: “Mmmm, uh I like the way your stickers don’t match your tail pad…”
JM: “Ooooh! You bitch!!”
(Handbag flapping commences.)
Not that my expectations were high but that Yago, Kanoa Adriano heat was particularly terrible.
Here is some entertainment https://instagram.com/p/Bhj…
Stay tuned box tomorrow
Get em down there.. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Commendable effort sitting through that LT. Would not have been easy.
Respect to Pritamo and the new scale though cause I don’t think they threw anyone over a 6 (which translates to “average”). Under Porta’s watch it would have been 7s and 8s all day. I like the new scale for accommodating our expectations. And today the world’s best were “poor” to “fair”.
Not suggesting it will or even might happen, but I wouldn’t be surprised if pressure came on to Pritamo to “relax” the scale sometime between Margs and Rio.
Shit surfing is still shit surfing regardless of the scale. I reckon the judges are doing fine, the surfers just don’t have a clear picture of what the judges want yet. However, it sure doesn’t look like this… https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I’ll just shut up then… was too busy actually surfing fantastic waves to care. Regardless, apologies to all… as I can’t stand people harping in on the conversation incorrectly as I just did!
All good Negs.
So which hoss looks good ?
Kael n Jack must have been cringing when watching. Its real surfing n surfers in WA.
It aint sweet Snapper.
It was only round two, so who really cares… losers battling losers, for a chance to maybe lose in the next round.
It was however a vivid example of why the WSL (or someone else) should just fly the Top 12 surfers in the world to the best waves and forget all about the tennis model.
That might be exactly what’s happening. Wasn’t it Felipe post heat at Bells who said that there was discontent amongst the rank and file? Confusion as to what the judges found super?
Mutiny may be afoot. Even a broken one away.
Ol’ Baldy has all his eggs in the WSL basket.
The WSL should withhold all prize money for any employee who turns up to work unable to complete their regular duties to their regular standard. ie If you can’t work out where the fucking take off spot is, or take the drop without executing a pin drop, or crouch in a tube without the lip hitting you in the head or, bloody hell, I don’t know, looking like a fucking kook in front of the 300 web cast viewers?
Worlds best surfers in the worlds best waves !
Fuckn joke – some of them just way way way out of their depth, like they didn’t have a clue.
Some of that today was flat out embarrassing.
They prolly should have called it off.
Was there 300 watching today?? That must have made up for the shit show just a little? or was it 30 people logging in 10 times each just to see if things had got any better
I work in RE and logged in 12 times . Who are the others
I completely made up that number. So too does the WSL.
It was half of deans avatars.
The Australian leg is wayyyy too long, and this last part really makes no fucking sense.
Was Margaret breaking ?if so I don’t know why the didnt run it on it.
Joel proved everyone that there were waves, they just had to think and look, they should just give him the Price and let us move to another venue…18hrs difference with Europe ,WTF this world is crazy.
It was very solid and onshore, hence North Point.
ok thanks Nik, I as a said, way too long for a poor European fan..
europe doesn’t exist
thats the problem with the “world”. It’s big and unfortunately there is going to be some time difference. Send a message to Kelly and see if he can run the pool pro at a time that suits you.
wow, i love witty comments, thanks!
This is why I thought Gouveia looked so good yesterday. He was extremely competent. Totally not a Doinker.
Who is your pick for Doinker of the West?
Mmmm. Dunno. I only skimmed the heats. Too tired. To be fair I wasn’t as unimpressed as LT. It did look a bit tricky out there today. But then what do I know? I’m merely a doinker myself.
I be doinkin till the break of dawn
“Merely A Doinker” is tombstone-worthy.
The biggest heap of shit I saw was the massive overscoring of the women.
Ffs – give me a break. It’s so out of whack compared to the men it’s otherfuknwordly.
Massive massive fail. When they scored Tatiana with her butt poking poo stance 9 something I wanted to hurl my tablet into the bush.
Whose bush?
The fukkn bush not 5 metres away and surrounding my countryside retreat.
One day I’ll tell you how I really feel … calming down.
Sally Fitz first wave; 3 weak turns earned 5-something. Wrong
A fukkn head dip scored a 7. Men’s equivalent 2.0
Swear to god I’m gonna have sex change – there’s hope for me yet in pursuing my pro surfing dream.
And one more chance to get laid!
Mate, I’ll be the biggest pro surfing slut the world has seen.
I’ll sign my name to anything. I’ll be worse than Laird !
A six pack and I’m yours.
Wow be careful, you’ll sure meet some serious competition!
Im always wanting to hurl my tablet into a bush too…wait..what..
Reported! It’s called gender equality you pig get with the program. Girls must score equally, if not higher than men on an equal playing field!
Two tablets in the bush better than one in the palm
Yeah — there’s a massive gap between the men’s and women’s scales and it’s not a good look. It was really obvious on the finals day at Bells. I’d watch a men’s heat where dudes would get like a three or a four for a couple nice turns and a close-out move, but switch to a women’s heat and that’s a nine.
I think the men’s scale needs to be bumped up and the women’s bumped down. Both are wrong at the moment. Compressing the men’s scale isn’t really doing what they seem to have wanted — ie, make the dudes surf harder, more progressive, whatever. It just seems to like, Idk, make it all seem depressed.
But yeah, if they’re going to smash the men’s scale, they can’t just keep throwing nine’s to the women. That ain’t a good look.
It was surprising to me they did that because the womens/mens scales were much closer together at Snapper.
It really seemed ridiculous yesterday and totally patronising.
I felt like they were relatively close at Snapper, but the gap really opened up at Bells. I didn’t see enough actual surfing when I dipped into heats last night to get a feel for it this time around.
But yeah, it’s looks hella patronizing to be scoring the women noticeably higher than the men. So don’t do that, WSL.
Wow, you’ve got internet in the bush? You aussies are lucky, great internet coverage, i thought this add from WSL about guys watching an event live in the forest was fake, but you prove me wrong.