Australia is wonderful but too much of a good thing
is still too much!
I don’t know what my problem is but the 2018
edition of the World Surf League Championship Tour is leaving me
very very cold. I don’t know if it is because shoulder surgery has
kept me out of the water for two months (and counting) or if it is
because Pipeline has been sacrificed or if it is because I want my
Kelly Slater but I am going to blame Australia.
I love that big ‘ol racist continent more than any place on
earth but come on for pity’s sake. Three events? In a row? We start
at Snapper all bright eye’d and excited. The unimpeded by ozone sun
shines its ample light on pre-cancerous boys and girls. Julian
Wilson exemplifies. Then we drag down to Bells where grey the grey
of a child molester’s over-washed undershirt colors the sky, the
water, the people’s faces as they empty their pockets to watch a
hunchback generate speed. Mick Fanning exemplifies. Then we drag
across the entire Simpson Desert to a wine town called Margaret
River. It is beautiful n stuff and as wild as a Coffey Sister but
come on. I suppose Jack Robinson exemplifies but three events? In a
row?
So I’m cold. I’m bored. The only things putting a pep in my step
are Longtom’s contest
wraps. I don’t know how he does it, to be honest, and
someday a first edition The Collected Works of Longtom
2017-2020 will be sold at auction for $12,000.
The same will not be true for this podcast here but it is,
anyhow, worth a listen. The same will not be true for this
podcast here but it is, anyhow, worth a listen. David Lee Scales
and I chat about sex tapes, mostly, with a little bit of Italo
Ferriera thrown in for good measure.
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Wow: Martin Daly’s Pacific
“Alt-Universe!”
By Derek Rielly
The surf explorer's final great
discovery…
Does the name Martin Daly ring a bell? You
might remember him as the skipper of the Indies Trader,
the forty-five-year-old former salvage boat Marty used to explore
the Mentawai Islands, revealing the remarkable archipelago slowly
over a decade. First with Rip Curl’s The Search movie
series and peaking, I think, with Jeff Hornbaker’s No Destination and The
Hole at the end of the nineties.
The first time I heard of Marty and the Mentawais was in the
early part of that decade when I saw a handful of film snapshots of
Martin Potter and Tom Carroll on the biggest, cleanest waves I’d
seen outside of Hawaii.
Fifteen years later the joint was overrun with charter boats
and, now, the flotilla resembles a navy fleet as it steams from
wave to wave, each captain pressured to give his paying clientele
some sort of profound surf experience. It still has its moments but
it ain’t nothing like it was when Marty and his pals first came to
town.
“It’s getting more and more depressing. The rainforests are cut
down, the reefs are dying again. It’s an absolute shitfight,” says
Marty, “I saw a proposal for a multi-billion dollar project in
southern Siberut (the biggest of the Mentawai islands, which are
off Sumatra) that had ferris wheels and water slides. Like Benoa in
Bali on growth hormones. And they’re trying to turn the area around
Telescopes and North Sipora (the smallest of the Mentawai islands)
into Kuta. You think people would learn a lesson. No, they
don’t.”
As for Marty being largely responsible for its popularity, he
says, “Maybe at some stage in the early days I was partially to
blame, but my responsibility to the exploitation of the Mentawais
ended in 1995. I went back to the Mentawais after The Crossing (A
Quiksilver-funded around-the-world promo trip on the Indies Trader,
from 1998 to 2005) but I felt like I’d had my turn. And this
place…this place… kept luring me back.”
Marty, who is now sixty one, is talking about his little slice
of the Marshall Islands, specifically Beran Island, a twenty-hour
sail from Majuro, the republic’s capital
city.
“I know what the ocean and the reefs are supposed to look like.
I grew up diving pristine reefs, reefs without names when I was a
kid in Townsville in Queensland. When I was on The Crossing I went
everywhere, dove everywhere and I saw that ninety-five percent of
the world’s reefs were impacted. Two thirds were actually gone or
dead. Put your head underwater here and you see what’s supposed to
be here.”
Near Beran island he found a righthander, which Marty called
Nirvana (“The best thing I’ve ever seen”) and “like a typical human
being when I first came here I sat on the beach and thought, I’ll
put a treehouse here, a wharf here, I could build bungalows here.
And I said to myself, ‘What sort of fuckwit are you? You spend your
whole life looking for Nirvana, you find it, and the first thing
you want to do is destroy it.”
Eventually, he decided, yeah, he’ll do something but he’d learn
from lessons past and make something he calls “a shining light of
responsible development.”
So he built an off-the-grid lodge for sixteen people, powered by
wind turbines and solar panels. All of the rubbish the lodge
creates is processed and all non-biodegradable refuse is taken back
to Majuro’s dump furnaces and its recycling centre. He grows
watermelons, papaya, tomatoes, kale, catches a ton of fish and even
keeps a few hogs.
I asked Marty how much the joint is worth and he says it has a
valuation, now, of around five million dollars.
He says his great trial is making a business while sticking to
core values, “which is a compromise but hopefully we can walk a
line down the middle between exploration and exploitation.”
Marty looks out the window, which he tells me via sat phone.
There’s been no wind here for two weeks and the surf has been
four-foot and firing.
“You never get sick of it. If you were standing here you’d go,
‘Oh my god, mate.’ It’s everything a bloke could want: great surf,
great diving, the reefs are alive, it’s not fishing it’s
catching, so we never run out of fresh fish. It’s
stupid.”
“Password protected so the great unwashed don’t go looking at
all the surf breaks,” he says.
Marty says when he does leave the Marshalls now, which he does
periodically, he finds the State’s interference in our lives
confronting. “I hate leaving this place. I feel like the guy on Apocalypse Now (Colonel
Kurtz). This is my universe and I’m in charge of it.
No one is screwing with me. You don’t realise how much you get
screwed on a daily basis until you’re not screwed at all. The TSA
making me take my shoes off. That’s confronting. Here I’m
completely independent of the universe.
“Fuck,” says Marty, “I’ve died and gone to heaven.
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Long read: Patagonia vs Donald Trump!
By Derek Rielly
"We have an evil government," says Patagonia
founder Yvon Chouinard…
One of the most enduring stories in surf, and certainly
its most heart warming, is climber Yvon Chouinard and the
company he founded in 1973 called Patagonia.
They donate 10 percent of profits to various charities, they do
this thing on Black Friday where they donate total profits to
grassroots environmental organisations (in 2016 it was ten million
dollars), used Patagonia gear can be traded-in via their
Worn Wear
website and, true to its central coast roots, has
its office and flagship store in Ventura.
Lately, the company has become, rightly I think, enraged by the
American president’s approach towards his country’s radically
diverse and therefore important to protect environment.
Last December, Patagonia declared war on the US government and
Trump with a lawsuit in response to “his proclamations of
reducing the Bears Ears National
Monumentby 85% and
the Grand Staircase-Escalante National Monument by almost
50%. Patagonia is suing over the interpretation of
the Property Clause of the U.S. Constitution in which the
country vests Congress with the power to manage federal
lands. The company’s CEO, Rose Marcario, contends that when
Congress passed the Antiquities Act of 1906, it did
not give any president the power to reverse a prior president’s
monument designations.”
In a recent profile in GQ magazine, the Patagonia v Trump war is
given lavish coverage.
“I asked Chouinard about the lawsuit and his personal
feelings about Trump. He thought for a moment, perhaps to contain
himself. “What pisses me off about this administration is that
they’re all these ‘climate deniers’—well, that’s bullshit. They
know what’s happening. What they’re doing is purposely not doing
anything about climate for the sake of making more money.” He
paused, bowed his head, and scraped his fingernails on the table.
He sat up again. “That is truly evil. That’s why I call this
administration evil. They know what they’re doing, and they’re
doing it to make more money.”
“Gradually, the conversation went even darker. About Trump,
Chouinard added, “It’s like a kid who’s so frustrated he wants to
break everything. That’s what we’ve got.” I asked sarcastically if
any part of him was an optimist. Marcario, sitting next to him,
laughed loudly. “Did you just ask Yvon if he’s an optimist?”
Chouinard smiled and cocked his head. “I’m totally a pessimist. But
you know, I’m a happy person. Because the cure for depression is
action.”
“In December, Chouinard was invited to Washington to testify
before the House Committee on Natural Resources. He refused. In a
response Patagonia made public, Chouinard wrote to the committee
chairman: The American people made it clear in public comments that
they want to keep the monuments intact, but they were ignored by
Secretary Zinke, your committee, and the administration. We
have little hope that you are working in good faith with this
invitation. To me, he scoffed and shook his head; Washington’s the
kind of desert a man like him could get lost in. “You sit down in a
little chair, and they’re up on high chairs looking down at you,
and they give you two and a half minutes to give your testimony,”
he said. “I’m not going to play that game.”
“It reminded me of how Chouinard had described his
childhood, growing up in Burbank, facing off against teachers and
bullies. When I asked him how it felt to be attacked by the
administration, he laughed. “I’m stoked. If you’re not getting
attacked, you’re not trying hard enough.”
Beware the corporation or limited liability
partnership that dares cross Kelly Slater in these his
salad years. While theoretically still on tour, the winningest
surfer of all time has sure been acting like a retiree lately,
using Instagram as his cane and beating the figurative heads of
commerce. Righting wrongs. Saving money. You recall just days ago
when he complained about ultra low cost local Australian air
shuttle JetStar’s baggage policy.
A snippet:
Apparently the people checking you in get a kickback on what
they charge you at the end of the month. Overweight charges equate
to about $.50/ounce! Just paid over $200 MEL – OOL for baggage,
more than the price of my ticket… again. I’ll never learn. Just
FYI, not an April Fool’s joke.
Hmm. Bummer. Like all ultra low cost local air shuttles. I did
not track JetStar’s share price after the whack but I certainly
will check RedSpot car rental.
Kelly’s next target appears to have unkind penalties in the
small print if the driver happens to get issued a traffic ticket.
The 11x World Champ took a picture of the fine print that
reads:
Please note a $55 infringement processing fee will be
charged to the credit card provided at the…
We cannot read the rest because of the large red circle and
commentary that reads:
So it cost #RedSpot car rental $55 to send the transport
dept an email with my details? Hmm.
Hmm is right. Kelly Slater is now out $200 Australian for board
bag fees on JetStar and another $55 Australian for rental car
ticket processing fees.
Damn this ugly ugly system. Should we start a GoFundMe?
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Revealed: Almost 5000 people watch pro
surf!
By Chas Smith
The World Surf League’s move to Facebook could
not be coming at a more inopportune time. The social media giant is
caught in a massive information sharing scandal that is rocking
public confidence and share price. Things have gotten so bad that
CEO Mark Zuckerberg is headed before congress to explain how 78 odd
million people had their personal details gleaned by the firm
Cambridge Analytica.
78 million is an almost unfathomable number really. 5 thousand
is much easier to comprehend which is a good thing because almost
that many people watched the final between Mick Fanning and Italo
Ferreira yesterday.
4900 to be exact.
It is one of the gorgeous things about Facebook. Unlike the
World Surf League’s app or website, the exact number of viewers is
right there for all to see and for Cambridge Analytica to
purchase.
4900 professional surf fans watching and Mick Fanning and Italo
Ferreira bobbed, weaved and made lower “h” history. The heat was
certainly the most hyped of the year what with Mick’s Sainthood
Committee in full swing. Much media pounced on the narrative and
steered readerships toward the event. Every other Instagram post,
too, encouraged a live witnessing of history.
4900.
And let’s assume for a moment that four times as many people
watched the heat somewhere other than Facebook. Hell, let’s go buck
wild and assume that ten times as many people did.
49000.
Does that seem like a big number? It doesn’t to me either and
that is a buck wild figure which makes me very happy. For all of
the posturing and posing and re-branding and press-releasing I
could buy every single professional surf fan in this entire world a
beer.
I do believe this will be BeachGrit’s next/first
marketing campaign.
Very achievable. Very doable. I’d like to but every single
professional surf fan in the entire world a beer and furnish them
with love.